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posting this with every artist tag i can think of, even if you dont do crochet, PLEASE TAKE RESTS FOR YOUR HANDS!!! no matter what medium artist you are, take care of your articulations
to anyone in the areas impacted by the wildfire smoke, my #1 biggest piece of advice as someone whos been dealing with wildfire smoke in the NW united states for years, is build yourself a Corsi-Rosenthal Cube
they perform as well as expensive HEPA air cleaners, and are comparatively VERY inexpensive. all you need is a box fan, 4 air filters, a piece of cardboard, and some duct tape!!!!
i think it took us maybe a half hour to put ours together, if that, and we replace the filters every 3 months. it's really made a HUGE difference, both when the air quality is bad, but also with our allergies
where i am, a box fan and the filters run about $20 each, so if $100 is too much of a stretch at the moment, get the fan and one filter. tape the filter to the intake side of the fan, all the way around. this is also good if your space is small and a 20" cube won't fit.
I can understand how "modern person thrown into the past gets by pretending to be a healer/doctor" is as surprisingly common of a trope as it is. I mean I'm fluent enough at bullshitting to be pretty sure I could pull it off to impersonate a doctor in any time pre-1800s. If I have no idea what something is or how to treat it, I could just get the opinion of the other whatever-passes-as-medical-professionals around, but if their suggestions sound like bullshit I'm not doing it. And I'll beat the shit out of anyone suggesting bloodletting or mercury. With my healing stick. I've tied little bells on it, that jingle comically with every smack.
The awesome curative powers of my healing stick come from two separate sources: Placebo, and me using it to beat anyone trying to give my patients mercury.
Ooooh you reminded me of that protocol I wrote about how to reinvent penicilin with only alchemical tools. You know. Just in case I did end up dumped in the past and needed a stable income.
I am so glad you asked! I unfortunately lost the protocol because it was probably on my laptop, but I remember the broad strokes. So! In case anyone does end up stuck in the middle ages and can find a kindly old alchemist willing to lend you his gear, here's the revamped Penicilin (Re)Discovery Protocol!
0. WASH YOUR GODDAMN HANDS.
We're not working in a lab here, cross-conatamination WILL happen. Your job is to minimize it as much as possible. If you end up in a place where soap hasn't been invented yet, wash your hands in distilled alcohol. Your skin won't thank you, but you can afford all the nice hand creams after you cure the plague and get rich.
Find some Penicillium mushrooms!
Yes, penicilin is produced by mushrooms, though Ascomycotes are usually called moulds, it's a fungus, and it makes me laugh to call it a mushroom. Plus, in the middle ages, mushrooms were known to have medicinal properties, so you'll get a lot farther by calling them mushrooms rather than molds.
First thing you need: mouldy fruit. Oranges, or cantaloupes are preferred.
Here's the thing: mold is everywhere, so getting it will be the easiest part. The tricky part start with identifying the correct mold. You don't want to feed your patients black mold, do you?
So. Leave some fruit out. The more the better, because you want to up your chances. Then let it rot in warm and humid places. After a while, pick any fruit that looks white on the outside and green in the middle:
Not the best picture, but that's what it should look like.
2. Transplanting your (potential) Penicillium mushrooms
Until you get it on a plate it's damn near impossible to tell which mold you got. Get ready for some trial and error because you will have to sift through a lot of unwanted mold. You might want to wear a mask.
First you need something to transplant it onto. Making modern agar plates is probably impossible but thankfully not needed. You just need:
Glass plates (the kind that can be closed, you want to minimize cross contamination)
1-2 cup of Hot water (preferably distilled, ask your alchemist if he can do that)
1 cup whole milk (should be 13g of lactose per cup, if your Penicillium won't grow adjust the water-milk ration in favor of milk)
If available: Instead of milk use corn steep liquor. Unfortunately only available after America was discovered, so YMMW, but Penicillium LOVES this stuff. It will make your life SO much easier if it's available.
Pinch of salt
1 teaspoon Yeast extract (get it from a baker)
3-6 teaspoons Gelatin (get it from a butcher)
Disclaimer: The ratio of each of the ingredients will have to be adjusted depending on the purity of the ingredients and on the conventional measuring sizes of the place you end up.
Gently mix it all in and pour out into the plates, let it solidify. If you end up dumped far enough that such refinement isn't possible, make bone broth and strain it through cheesecloth several times to make it as clear as possible, then mix it 5/6 broth and 1/6 milk. Again, if available, use corn steep liquor, but if not milk is fine. Add gelatin (should still be able to get it from the butcher) as needed to solidify it. I'm afraid experimentation will be needed depending on the resources you will be working with.
When you're done, you should have something like this:
Now that you have your plates, run an inoculation loop through a flame to sterilize it.
Something like this. Wave it through the air to cool it so you don't kill your mold, grab it from your fruit and geeeeeently spread it on top of your improvised agar without breaking the surface of the gelatin!
You can see the motions on this one pretty well. Close your plates, stack them about a meter/3ft from the fireplace. Judge for yourself, but ideally somewhere you would consider comfortably warm (20-24°C).
3. Identifying your Penicillium Mushrooms
If all went well, you are going to have something that looks like this:
Well, realistically, it will look something like this:
We're not actually doing it in a lab, after all. But IDEALLY, it will look like the above. It doesn't have to be perfect, you just need to be able to identify Penicillium molds for now.
IDEALLY, on the plate that matches the description of the penicillium mold you'll see an exclusion zone of bacteria around the mold, like the fourth plate in the second row, so you know you have a potential winner, but if you managed to avoid bacterial growth you need to take a few extra steps.
Penicillium molds have characteristic rings of growth, grey-green-white rings. They're easy to differentiate from bacteria because the molds are fuzzy and the bacteria as smooth and slimy. In the above picture, there are four plates that potentially have what we want, and two are less certain than others. Wash out the unwanted ones, make new agar plates, sterilize your inoculation loop and transplant your best candidates. You might need to do this several times.
Two types are confirmed to produce penicilin: P. chrysogenum and P. rubens.
The former is far more widely used today, but since we're sourcing them from literally thin air, we're more likely to get P. rubens, but unless you're a mycologist you probably won't be able to tell the difference. Thankfully you won't need to, because they both produce penicillin. Which brings me to the next step.
4. Confirming it's the penicillin producing mushroom
We're gonna need more agar plates for this one, and believe it or not, you're gonna need to mix blood into your agar. Wash your hands THROUGHLY.
(Theoretically you can get away with just milk, but identifying the correct bacterial colony on white agar is going to be a nightmare, so just add some sheep blood to your agar, conventionally it's about 5% by volume but you might need more to make it)
You need some gram-positive bacteria, preferably of the Bacillota type. Please don't go out and find a patient with fucking botulism or tetanus, you need to live long enough to make the cure. Instead, if you have a vagina, scrape some of the white, mucousy stuff from there and plant it on your plate. If you don't have your own vagina, a borrowed one is fine. Penicilin also works on Treponema pallidum, so if you get a syphilis-affected prostitute that should also work. Just wear gloves.
Ideally you get something like this.
This is actually Lactobacillus brevis, but Lactobacillus colonies all look relatively the same. The important thing is that it's all gram-positive, and will therefore be affected by penicillin.
Take new plates again, plant your Penicillium mold in the middle, and the bacteria all around it, getting as close to the center as possible. You can put down a paper marker for the mold. Wait for about 20 days.
Ideally, on at least one plate, you will get something like this:
This is literally a textbook example of testing antibiotics, but the Zone of Inhibition is what you're looking for. It means the mold is releasing a compound to kill the competing bacteria for resources, in this case, Beta-lactam antibiotic, or penicillin. Make sure to pick the one with the WIDEST ZoI, because that's the one that produces most penicillin.
So now we have the root stock, but our problems have just begun. This is the part where you're absolutely going to need an alchemist's help.
The problem is that a human body is not a petri dish. It's quite a bit larger. And you want the good bacteria destroying stuff without all the nasty contaminants, so you need a SHITLOAD of mold producing a LOT of penicillin, and then you need a way to filter it. You are going to need actual lab equipment for that, or near as they had it.
Since I lost the original protocol I'm going to need to do research all over again how to do that with alchemy equipment (or at least a microbrewery), so that will be in the next installment.
Concept: generic fantasy adventure where the wizard has a crackpot assistant and he explains sadly that while Hreithbert is an excellent person for keeping the wizard tower tidy and the homonculi fed they're obsessed with cooking like ten million plates of inedible goop but it makes them happy so he permits it
And at the end of the story the big reveal is Hreithbert is a time displaced biochemist who has finally fucking refined their process for penicillin.
At the risk of sounding anti-intellectual, I think that college should be free and also not a requirement for employment outside of highly specialized career fields
technically you can, if you don't care about degrees.
Free Harvard courses.
Free Courses from Stanford.
Free Courses from MIT.
Free courses from Yale.
Free courses from Princeton.
Free courses on Coursera.
Free Courses on EDx
Free Courses on Alison
For paid, there's The Great Courses+/Wonderium. 20$ a month for unlimited courses.
When searching, the phrases you're looking for are Massive Open Online Courses (MOOCs), or you can do a general search of say, "free online college courses."
Oh, and so you don't get surprised like I did, have an avoid: Hillsdale College is a conservative Christian site and not a valid MOOC place. Sign up with them and you will get things like THIS IS WHY THE LEFT IS TURNING YOUR KIDS TRANS AND GAY in your inbox.
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But still interested in feeding yourself? What if I told you that there’s a woman with a blog who had to feed both herself and her young son…on 10 British pounds ($15/14 Euro) per week?
Let me tell you a thing.
This woman saved my life last year. Actually saved my life. I had a piggy bank full of change and that’s it. Many people in my fandom might remember that dark time as when I had to hock my writing skills in exchange for donations. I cried a lot then.
This is real talk, people: I marked down exactly what I needed to buy, totaled it, counted out that exact change, and then went to three different stores to buy what I needed so I didn’t have to dump a load of change on just one person. I was already embarrassed, but to feel people staring? Utter shame suffused me. The reasons behind that are another post all together.
AgirlcalledJack.com is run by a British woman who was on benefits for years. Things got desperate. She had to find a way to feed herself and her son using just the basics that could be found at the supermarket. But the recipes she came up with are amazing.
You have to consider the differing costs of things between countries, but if you just have three ingredients in your cupboard, this woman will tell you what to do with it. Check what you already have. Chances are you have the basics of a filling meal already.
Here’s her list of kitchen basics.
Bake your own bread. It’s easier than you think. Here’s a list of many recipes, each using some variation of just plain flour, yeast, some oil, maybe water or lemon juice. And kneading bread is therapeutic.
Make your own pasta–gluten free.
She gets it. She really does. This is the article that started it all. It’s called “Hunger Hurts”.
She has vegan recipes.
A carrot, a can of kidney beans, and some cumin will get you a really filling soup…or throw in some flour for binding and you’ve got yourself a burger.
Don’t have an oven or the stove isn’t available? She covers that in her Microwave Cooking section.
She has a book, but many recipes can be found on her blog for free. She prices her recipes down to the cent, and every year she participates in a project called “Living Below the Line” where she has to live on 1 BP per day of food for five days.
Things improved for me a little, but her website is my go to. I learned how to bake bread (using my crockpot, but that was my own twist), and I have a little cart full of things that saved me back then, just in case I need them again. She gives you the tools to feed yourself, for very little money, and that’s a fabulous feeling.
Tip: Whenever you have a little extra money, buy a 10 dollar/pound/euro giftcard from your discount grocer. Stash it. That’s your super emergency money. Make sure they don’t charge by the month for lack of use, though.
I don’t care if it sounds like an advertisement–you won’t be buying anything from the site. What I DO care about is your mental, emotional, and physical health–and dammit, food’s right in the center of that.
If you don’t need this now, pass it on to someone who does. Pass it on anyway, because do you REALLY know which of the people in your life is in need? Which follower might be staring at their own piggy bank? Trust me: someone out there needs to see this.
Reblogging for students, working folks, and everyone who’s ever had to choose between essentials at the store because you can only afford milk OR bread, not both.
at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you
at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.
at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly
at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.
Y'all for real please do these. Even if you're certain your posture doesn't suck. One day you will wake up with impinged shoulder pain like I did and let me tell you it fucking HURTS. Do these exercises even just once a week and it will make such a difference. Especially my fellow creatives out there, stop shrimping over your work and go do these right now. RIGHT NOW.
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…..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment
likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post
the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like.
First off, you were Dick’s teacher at Gotham Academy, and the most sympathetic to him. You knew how hard the transition was, especially since he had learned on his feet most of his life, so you decided to have most of your classes on their feet at some point, and offered him help with homework
Dick absolutely adored you. He was suspicious at first, but after a little while he grew way more comfortable. The change from the circus way of life to living in a city permanently and having to go to school was astronomical. You were the only teacher who seemed to realize that and try to help him. You threw a ball around for the class to answer things, played games to help people learn, and comforted/defended him when people looked down on him for his background.
People learned very quickly not to complain about you or your class, otherwise they would have to deal with ‘pranks’ like being doxxed, having their things ending up in trees, and their parents deals falling through.
On the first parent teacher night, Dick dragged Bruce over to you. Bruce had already heard of you from Dick and done his own surface level research on you.
The minute this man met you, he understood why Dick loved you so much. You just gave this aura of light and comfort that no one else could ever measure. You were kind and understanding and sweet.
(Note, Bruce isn’t completely yandere yet. He is starting to be, but I like slow burn. Dick is 100% yandere though.)
Dick threw a major tantrum when he learned he would have to leave your class. He was aggressive and started purposefully failing your class. It got to the point where you called a meeting between you and Bruce and Dick where you talked about everything.
You met with them at the manor, and after a few minutes, you managed to get it out of Dick why he was upset. You quietly told Dick that while you would miss him too, you would be very upset if he stayed back for him.
However, Bruce and Alfred managed a solution. With a few bribes to the school, they started a theatre club that you would run(they did research and knew you liked theatre) and that Dick would be your assistant, and he would still have the option after he graduated.
Everything was back to normal for you, besides the fact that all of your dates never lasted anymore. You couldn’t figure out why?
Then, Jason Todd was enrolled in your class
I hope you guys like this! This is my series for Romantic Yan! Bruce x Reader.
TW: Swearing, the Joker, bad parents(Sheila), light violence
You are pretty much the glue holding dick and Bruce together after he moves out. He still continues to be your TA, and rents his own apartment in your building. You’re the only reason that the two of them can talk without fighting(sometimes)
When Jason got adopted, you received a phone call from Dick the morning after he found out before it was even published.
You had to work through some of Dick’s jealousy with him in the beginning. I headcanon Dick wanted a little brother back in the beginning, so you probably remind him of how much he wanted a little brother and promise him Bruce still loves him the same.
Jason is going to love you from the get-go. You are automatically one of his favorite people just from the whole drama thing, and you being someone who will listen to him, already knows Bruce very well and is always willing to spend time helping him with other classes? Yeah, he adores you.
Dick and Jason kind of have a rivalry over being your kid/student. You Don’t really notice it, but they definitely have a bit of a showdown for a while until they end up banding together after they see a substitute teacher making you uncomfortable.
Jason is probably slower to become Yandere. I think this would happen two events to make things full on Yandere. The first being you defending him when a teacher accused of him of cheating. They didn’t contact Bruce, because they wanted to ‘speak to Jason one on one’ (in reality, they just didn’t want Bruce to back him up.)
Both the principal and the teacher are there with Jason, trying to make him ‘confess’. Jason is sitting there, unsure and a little upset, feeling like he’s trash basically, but then you enter the room. You had been wondering why Jason was missing from drama club and had asked a kid in Jason’s class about it, only to be told Jason had been brought to the principal.
The minute you hear what they are accusing him of, you go full mama bear. Even though you don’t realize it, you’ve already started seeing both Dick and Jason as your kids. You aren’t going to let anyone talk bad about Jason just because he was an Alley kid.
While you tear the teacher and the principal a new one, Dick calls Bruce, who comes in just in time to hear you calling the teacher ‘an insecure classist bitch that is just mad that someone wasn’t falling into line with her narrow view of who was allowed to be smart’(Bruce fully fell in love with you when you said that. He still doesn’t realize he’s in love with you, and hasn’t started becoming fully Yandere for you yet.)(it’s gonna take a while)
Bruce pulls some strings to make sure that teacher is never able to teach again, and you join all the Wayans out for a meal afterwards.(you don’t realize that when the teacher stormed out, she called you Bruce Wayne’s bitch. You never find out that the teacher later has her house robbed, and is mugged and beaten. She’s brought to the hospital due to the injuries.(the teacher saying that plants an idea in both Dick and Jason’s minds though. If you married Bruce, wouldn’t that make you their mom?))
The second incident that causes Jason to go full on Yandere is his mom. Jason doesn’t end up searching for her, but she does reach out to him.(the Joker makes her.) Jason is so excited to go. However, have a bad feeling, and ask Jason if you can come with him, just so he can be safe. He agrees, but asks you to wait outside or just listen in.
You are outside the door listening when it is revealed to be a trap. When you hear Sheila attempt to give Jason over to the Joker, you do something that you’ve never done before.
Back when you first started hanging out with the Wayne’s, Alfred gave you a gift. A gun. He warned you not to show it to Bruce, and only use it to protect yourself. You had never used it before, but still carried it around on days you were anxious, like today.
You didn’t have much experience with guns outside of a BB gun your friend owned when you were a kid. Still, without thinking, you ran in and shot Sheila. And then shot at the Joker.
You managed to hit Sheila, lodging the bullet in her shoulder, but you miss the joker by a few inches. Still, it distracts him enough that you can get to Jason, who hadn’t yet been injured, but was still very shocked and scared.
Batman arrives quickly after that, having been on standby as Bruce. He arrives just in time for the Joker to try to hit you and Jason with the crowbar. He watches you throw yourself in front of Jason, anticipating the blow. He sees you grimace in pain, and then he sees Red.
The Joker is delivered to Arkham bloodied up and bruised, unconscious, but alive. The cops came to arrest Sheila, being tipped off by Batman, and find a tied up Sheila in the corner, and you hugging Jason tight to your chest. Before they load her into the car, you carefully break out of your embrace with Jason, run up to her and punch her in the nose
“That is for being a shitty mother.” Then, you punch her in the stomach. “And that is for trying to kill my son. I hope you spend the rest of your life rotting in a cell, regretting every minute of your shitty self centered life.” You glare daggers at her. Luckily, Dick arrives out of costume just in time to pull you back from hitting her again.
That is when Jason becomes full on Yandere. You protected him this whole time, you stood up to Sheila and to the Joker, even though you had no training. The icing on the cake? You calling him your son. That will be a memory he treasures for the rest of his life. He won’t let anyone take his mom from him.
You both are brought to the hospital. Thankfully, Jason only has a few bruises. You have two cracked ribs, but no other injuries, and after the cops take your statements, you get released pretty quickly.
You end up going back to Wayne Manor afterwards. You can see the anxiety in Jason’s expression at the thought of you leaving his side. You don’t wanna let him out of your sight either. You also know you aren’t the only ones who are currently traumatized.
Dick has not let out of touch range the entire night, touching one of you constantly as if to assure himself you’re real. Bruce joins you at the hospital, white faced and terrified. He hadn’t let go of Jason for a solid 20 minutes, and kept checking over him with his eyes every few minutes. That wasn’t surprising, but he kept looking at you and trying to make sure that you were OK too, not as often, but still consistently. You knew you and Bruce were friends, but you didn’t realize Bruce cared about you that much.
The night ends into all four of you, cuddling up in a doggy pile in the living room (You being on top due to your ribs.) Alfred takes a picture of it and makes three copies, one he gives Bruce, one he gives to you, and one he keeps for himself. Bruce frames the photo and puts it in his home office. You framed the photo and put it on your wall right across from your bed. And Alfred put it in a scrapbook that he started making after the first time Bruce met you entitled “ Mr. and Mrs. Wayne’s foray into familial life”.
I hope you all enjoy! Please comment, it gives me ideas and motivation lol.
TW:Mentiond of ped0ph!l!a, bad parents Janet and Jack Drake, like semi worse than Canon,
Tim Drake was one of the students who you how to soft spot for he reminded you so much of Dick, and how lonely he had been. While Dick had been full of anger at the world, Tim just seemed sad and disappointed. You loved his work and he was brilliant, but you just wish you could see him smile truly.
You always left comments on his work, praising him. You smile him often and tried to give him what little kindness you could. Nothing really happened until his birthday. You got him before he left class for lunch and awkwardly gave him a gift. It wasn’t much, just a book on photography, but the way he held it to his chest and started to tear up, made your motherly instincts grow.
Tim was already fascinated by you. He knew about Batman and Robin, and had for a long time. He also knew you were oblivious despite being so close to them. Your softness and kindness had always been something that almost blurred him in. You resisted, of course, convincing himself he didn’t need you in the way the other dead, But this? You wishing him a happy birthday when not even his parents had remembered? You giving him something he was interested in for his birthday? The fact that you noticed all of this? That is what makes him go full yandere.
His integration into the family is a lot different this time. It definitely starts off with him helping out with lights during play rehearsals. Then you start mentioning him around Alfred. You start driving him home. After a while, it becomes very obvious that you’ve become attached.
The Jealousy, that Jason and Dick had towards each other, is nothing compared to their jealousy towards Tim. They are very jealous of Tim, right up until the point that you mention at dinner that he reminds you of them in the best ways. You joke how he reminds you of younger dick with his enthusiasm for things and unwillingness to pay attention to things that bore him, But his attention towards his studies is pure Jason. That helps a little, as does Tim’s general competence, and making sure anyone who is mean to you has their life ruined.
It takes about a full year for Tim to really become a part of the family. During this time, do you meet his best friend stuff and offer your home up to her too. Both Jason and Dick have gotten in the habit of going to your house, which you are fine with. Your place isn’t very big, an old house that used to be a warehouse before you fixed it up. Still, it’s yours and has enough room for four rowdy teenagers. Steph view you as a second mom pretty quickly.
What fully integrates into the family, as well as making Bruce aware he is romantically interested in you, is when the Drakes come home. Tim gets the call about his parents coming home and you are a little furious. However, you decide remain calm and you bring him home.
There is a gala the next day, one seemed towards Greek myths,(at Jason‘s request) and you don’t go to these things normally even though you have a standing invite. However, you want to keep an eye on the drakes, so you go for the first time, wearing an outfit that Alfred bought for you.(if you prefer suits, you wear a suit that is loosely similar to a toga. I’m going to say it’s a navy suit with gold trim. If you’re wearing a dress, it is a strapless floor length dress. It is a shimmery gold color, with a cardigan of the same color. The only other important parts of the outfit are a crown of fake flowers on top of your head, and you wearing a golden bracelet.)(if you are like me and do not like how you look in gold, just replace gold with silver for the entirety of the story.)
You get ready and go over with the boys, but Bruce is already there.(both Jason and Dick hype up your outfit.) you deal with the paparazzi pretty well, making small talk of a few and mentioning how you were more of a family friend than anything else. When Bruce pulls his Bruce routine, there are several cameras that catch you smiling at him with reluctant fondness. You are not a socialite, but you are good at customer service, so you smile and nod, and go along with things, even though with every derogatory remark towards one of your boys, you start to lose a little more of your patience.
However, the real show starts when you start looking for Tim, and see him being cornered by an older woman, who is being quite handsy with him, caressing his arm and… Is her hand on his butt?!?!!?
Tim is quite obviously uncomfortable, and you look around for his parents, only to see them staring at Tim with approval. You quickly realize that this woman is acting with Tim’s parents approval to basically harass a boy who is become your son. You get Dick’s attention and ask him about the woman. Dick explains that she’s a wealthy woman who was known for liking younger people. She had never gone after, but she had made a few comments about Jason before. That was enough to make you riled up, even before you found out that her company was doing a merger of sorts with the Drake’s, but no one knew exactly why she was caving.
That’s when you start losing it, and Dick notices what you were staring at. Now, at this point in time has become somewhat accustomed to Tim. He’s basically a part of the family at this point, even if he won’t admit it. More importantly, this is making you upset. So when you tell Dick, you’re going to get Tim out of there, of course he’s coming along.
Your approach and act somewhat meek, trying to de-escalate things before they start. You insert yourself into the conversation and the way Tim looks at you with a flash of relief before putting it behind the mask makes you burn white hot inside, but you keep your composure as much as you can. Then the woman does something stupid.
She tell you to back off because “ his parents already said that Tim and I would be working close together for business.” do you notice Tim‘s parents are getting close, wondering about you.
You smile at her bluntly and tell her that Tim is your student and he is obviously uncomfortable, so you would like her to leave. She slinks away and the Drakes come soon after, and start making a fuss.
The final straw is when you hear Janet reprimand Tim for letting this happen. That is your breaking point and you are fucking furious. You don’t think about the crowd. You don’t think about anything else but your son/student, so you grab his hand and tell him that the two of you are going out for ice cream.
When the drakes attempts to protest, you glare at them. “ Tim and I are going to get ice cream, and once I take him home, we will have a discussion about your parenting methods. Or we can have that discussion right now and I can bring up how little you are home and how many times Tim spent the night at my place. I’m going to give you the choice of if you want this private or public, but if you keep pushing right now, this is only going to be public.” they are silent at that, and you take Tim towards the door. Dick is close behind you, and you can see Jason out of the corner of your eye, as well as Bruce. Bruce is speaking with some socialites, but you can tell he’s glancing at you guys, confused.
You’re almost to the door when that woman tries to grab him. At that point in the night you are done. You are tired and angry. Your temper has been growing steadily shorter throughout the night as you have seen people constantly looking down on your boys, and Tim’s parents were the final straw. You have no patience for this woman, and her attempting to take Tim from you? Finally gives you a target.
“ ma’am,” you channel your best customer service voice, the one you use during parent teacher conferences when parents are complaining about their kids not getting good grades.(though you haven’t had to use that voice since Dick became one of your students) “ you have been harassing a minor this entire night. He has been clearly uncomfortable, and I have intervened on his behalf already. I do not care what promises have been made to you, he is not for the taking. There is no way I would be letting him go anywhere alone with you, especially considering this whole time you’ve been acting like a pedophile.” you’re speaking calmly, trying not to let the boys see your anger, but some of your irritation is leaking into your voice. You’re so upset that you don’t notice the crowd getting a little quiet, or the reporters turning your way.
The woman starts on a rant about how Tim’s parents promised her she could work with him privately and how you were ruining things. It’s obvious this woman has not been told very often in her life. Normally, you would be able to deal with her without raising your voice, but you were running out of patience and restraint.
“ma’am, with all of the respect you deserve, you were literally grabbing this child’s butt!” Your voice escalates as you start yelling at her about her inappropriate actions. You don’t even care you’re in public at this point. You leave the gala in a half with Tim and Dick by your side, and the woman following you out. You don’t listen to anything she says, until she grabs both Dick’s rest, and Tim’s jacket sleeve, saying something about how she deserves respect and will be demanding extra from the drakes for this insult.You turn around and punch this woman clear in the face, knocking her to the ground and tell her to stay the fuck away from your kids. You hear the sleeve of Tim’s jacket rip, as this absolutely leech of a woman tears it in her attempt to hold onto him. Then immediately, you start ringing out your hand and freaking out, because you’ve never punched anyone before, and it isn’t supposed to hurt is it? like, did you break something on accident? Oh God, you’re going to get so much trouble for this.
Bruce sees this and is reminded of all the times that people sexualized him after his parents died and no one was there to defend him. Yet, you stand there, punching a woman for a comment that he would’ve punched her for himself had he been in costume or close enough, calling his son one of your kids. He feels his cheeks warm up a bit and his heart rate increase.The gold shimmer aspect of your outfit makes you look like a vengeful goddess, and he falls hard and just starts realizing that he likes you.(to be fair, he only thinks he has a crush. He will not know he’s fully in love or except that for a little while.) when the reporters come out, it is too, Tim shaking, and you are consoling him as Bruce consoles dick. The woman is on the ground, screaming at them, with a few bruises on her face, and Tim’s jacket is torn. She screams about how Brucie Wayne and his girlfriend beat her up all the way to the jail, even though both of the children and the Drake child say that she tripped while trying to grab on Tim and ripped his jacket, falling onto the stone staircase and injuring herself. Everyone agrees later that she had a mental break, ir was too embarrassed to admit the truth. I mean, she tried to say that Bruce Wayne, and the schoolteacher who he brought as a date punched her. She was clearly delusional.
Bruce end the gala early, and all of you end up going out for ice cream you end up giving Dick your flower crown, and wrapping your shawl around Tim, as his suit jacket had to be kept for evidence. Bruce intern gives you his jacket, and when Jason makes a small joke about not having anything, you laugh and offer him your bracelet, and the five of you have a wonderful night.
under Tim’s request, you don’t end up going after the Drakes legally, but you and Bruce have a conversation that leads to agreement that Tim will spend his time with one of the two of you, and will remain the air, but is essentially a part of the Wayne family.
later, Alfred finds photos of the night from the security camera, and before deleting the footage, he prints out his own picture of the punch you landed on the woman from a camera that captures Bruce’s face as well, saving it in his scrapbook as when Master Bruce realized he was in love with Miss Y/N.
(later on, the three boys have a meeting about the possibility of you marrying Bruce. They all agree that you could do better, but it would make you their mother so they are very happy with matchmaking. Nothing super productive happens towards that, until Damian comes along.)
Edit: sorry this is taking so long, but honestly my updates do tend to take a while. I can say that I have started on updating the other two, and that this is part three of five parts and the series should be over before October at the latest. After I finish this series and make more progress on my other ones, I’m going to hold another poll about what to do next. I kind of like having three series running at the same time. Hope you are having a wonderful day and enjoy this part!
Barbara meets you first. She hears about you from Dick almost a dozen times before she does, but it’s when she first meets you she understands. She gets slowly more obsessed over the years, viewing you as the mom she never had. She briefly entertained the idea of setting you up with her father, but she quickly realized that you and Bruce are definitely in love, even if you don’t realize it, so she is fine with being your eldest pseudo daughter instead you becoming her step mother
I don’t know a whole lot about how Cass joined the family, but Barbara introduces the two of you and Cass takes to you like a duck to water. Your body language screams safety/love/hope and she soaks that up. You, after being given a watered down version of her early years, are definitely very soft with Cass, and you definitely learn sign language for her, which just adds an extra softness to the relationship. Cass is yandere, but very relaxed with it She knows you are safe and will not leave. She may occasionally shadow you when you are walking home just to make sure you’re safe, but on a whole, she is definitely the most relaxed of the Yanderes.
I mentioned this above, but Steph is introduced by Tim. She is the most open about things out of all the female Yanderes, and after a few months, she definitely starts calling you mama (first initial) ( this leads to the others picking up the habit. To be fair, the boys were just unsure about calling you mom, but after Steph, they had the go ahead.) Steph definitely is very physically affectionate, similar to Dick in the way she hangs off of you. She loves her mom, but her mom, depending on canon, is either always working or a drug addict, so a fully functional and open mother figure? Sign her up!
Alfred started preparing for you to come home the night of the parent teacher Conference, when Bruce came home with that look in his eyes. He knew what that was, that gleam in his charge’s eyes. When he meets you, he’s only further sure that you would be the next Mrs. Wayne. While he’s not completely yandere, he’s definitely complicit in whatever the children do to set you up with Bruce.
Edit: just want y’all to know there are only two more parts of this, maybe three.
Damian definitely comes into a very different family dynamic. Bruce has been strong armed into being better at communicating, all of the kids care about each other, and the big one? They all have a mom they are protective of.
However, Talia does pay attention enough to know what’s going on (let me know if you want me to make a minific about Talia meeting Batmom). So when she sends Damian in, she warns him to view Batmom as an ally, an important ally who is essential to being Batman, despite not being involved in the night life.
I will post a poll later if Batmom should know or not, but no matter what, the batfamily doesn’t think she knows, which means Damian’s quest for Robin is kept from prying eyes.
However, Damian still has distaste for the woman he views as taking his mother’s place, right up until your first meeting.
You are invited over for dinner, and when you walk in to see a boy threatening Tim and the boys not doing anything? Especially Bruce? You lose it.
Damian is more impressed by how you glare his father into submission, and then take him aside to ask his view. I don’t think he will mention Robin, but he definitely says something about taking Tim’s place, which is something you won’t let fly.
However, you work with kids and you’ve seen enough children like him to know what to do. So instead of trying to convince him that he will be cared for without replacing Tim, you instead tell him that replacing Tim would not do him any good, as each member of the family has to carve out their own place.
You don’t go the emotional attachment route, instead making it seem like a test. He has to prove he can fit as both a public member of the Wayne clan and as a private member of the family. You also make sure to bring up the fact that Bruce is very protective of his people, so attacking one of his people will only mess with his place in the family.
That is not to say that Damian’s arrival doesn’t add a level of tension to the family. Whether you realize it or not, you and Bruce are starting to have feelings for each other. Damian’s arrival means that you have to confront the fact of Bruce’s history. Adding the fact that Damian is ten, which means he would’ve been conceived only a year before Jason was adopted, AKA after you entered the picture? That adds a lot of feelings
(I know Damian was basically a test tube baby, but the Batfamily would not think to tell you that, so angst.)
It doesn’t help that you have only just started realizing how much you like Bruce. In your defense, you always knew you had a crush on him, but you didn’t realize it was actual love until after Damian entered the picture. And on Bruce’s side, he already knows he’s in love with you, but he has not communicated it at all.
So emotions are very messy, which make team make Batmom our official mom, a.k.a. all of the kids, have a harder job than usual. Dick ends up recruiting Damian early on, and while he’s less than thrilled in the beginning, he slowly starts getting more into it. (it has nothing to do with your kindness and hugs and calm explanations that are never even slightly condescending. He just finds you useful in his endeavors.)
However, a small complication comes into play, your ex.
You and your ex broke up a few months before Dick was enrolled in your school. The main reason behind your breakup was him needing to move for his job, and you not wanting to move, which culminated into a major fight where he did something unforgivable: He slapped you.
You immediately left him and blocked him, having mutual friends drop his stuff off at his hotel so you could get away with not seeing him. You refused to talk to him, even when he tried to get into your house. It made you thankful he left.
However, him coming back to Gotham made an already tense situation worse. You refused to go to Bruce when things were already awkward, so you just suffered in silence, avoiding your ex as much as you could.
That was until your ex showed up at your school. Luckily, security escorted him off campus after he started yelling. Unluckily, this led to Damian learning about your ex and with the combined pressure between him and Alfred, you moved into the mansion and had to tell everyone else in the family about things.(The only reason they didn’t kill your ex is because he went missing(and you would’ve noticed him dying.))
However, the reason your ex went missing? He was stupid and angry enough to mention you and your job to some exfriends who now worked for the Joker.
Now, the Joker had never quite liked you after your stunt, but you added an excitement to life in Gotham.
However, a man offering your location and usual haunts was offering you on a silver platter…. That was something he wasn’t going to ignore.
TW: Attempted kidnapping, injury, jealousy, emotional things
You never missed an event of the boys. Even when you had your rare rough patches with Bruce, you never missed a single one of Dick’s mathlete competitions, Jason’s plays (though you were usually the director), Tim’s photography shows, and Cass’s ballet recitals. You never missed it.
So, despite the awkward tension and you avoiding Bruce like the plague, you weren’t going to miss Damian’s art show, the first thing he had really become excited about (aside from animals) since he arrived.
You arrive early to the show, Dick on your arm. None of the kids have left you alone for long after your ex showed up at the school, with Jason even volunteering as your aide in classes.
Still, you gawk at Damian’s art, making sure to praise him, and pretending not to notice the tips of his ears going pink. You mediate between the boys, and for the first time since Damian arrived, you and Bruce aren’t awkward. Both of you forget about the feelings involved and simply act like you used to.
Team Make Batmom Our Mom is very happy with this development, especially Tim and Damian, who planned this together.(they may not like each other, but both of them adore you.) everything was going great.
Then, of course, things went to shit.
Talia came to see her son’s achievements and see Bruce.(And to meet you.) Her flirtatious comments towards Bruce and constant staring at you got on your nerves, but you were dealing with it. You were trying to stay civil, but it was getting harder.
After one too many comments, you decided to take a breather, and went outside. Bruce followed close behind, and an argument ensued. You and Bruce never really argued, but you were in a bad mood, and his emotional constipation didn’t help.
You ended up storming off in a huff, going to your favorite park to calm down.
However, that was exactly what the joker and his men were waiting for. The joker plans to make a big spectacle of you and to show off your death.
However, he didn’t account for them following you. Bruce was being dragged along by Jason and Dick, while Talia followed silently, interested in why they were all so taken with you.
Of course, when the joker saw them, he decided this would be a good time to take out the Waynes. (Depending on which run of the comics you read or what you watch, it is unclear if the Joker knows who Batman is. And they say you, he doesn’t, but he does know that the Wayne’s are connected to the Batman. ) He attempted to shoot Bruce, and that’s when you snap.
You’ve been dealing with a lot recently, especially since you had moved in. You were tired and angry, but despite the argument, you still loved Bruce. That’s why, when you saw the Joker attack your Bruce, you went feral.
You fucking tackle the Joker, and start beating him up.(The boys are watching, and all of them, especially Jason, are thankful Bruce made you go to fighting courses.) The boys fight the goons, and Talia joins in.
Both you and the Joker get some good hits in, but you end up breaking his nose and jaw before you knock him out. You then see your ex who had the fucking audacity to shoot you.
Maybe it was the adrenaline, or maybe you were just so mentally drained that your body wasn’t processing things, but you didn’t feel the bullet. Instead, you end up punching this man in the face.
He got another bullet in you before the boys take him down, but this time you feel the injury.
You end up falling, and Bruce is the one to catch you. I can see that he’s crying and even though you’re getting hazy from blood loss, you don’t wanna see him cry so you try to comfort him before you pass out. (You don’t realize it at the time, but you end up slurring out that you wish you could kiss him, but you’re still a little mad.)
You wake up 72 hours later in a medical wing of Wayne Manor. All of the kids are around you in different chairs, fast asleep, but Bruce is there and still awake. His eyes are red, but you still find him cute. Before either of you say anything, he puts his hands gently on your face and kisses you.
Things are different after that. You don’t move out, instead, he ended up moving into your own bedroom for a while before you feel comfortable sharing one with Bruce. You aren’t alone much after that, but you know the kids are traumatized so you don’t mind.
The Joker was in the hospital with a broken jaw and broken legs that are now irreversibly damaged. Even if they heal, he will have a limp. He’s also currently eating through a feeding tube after you broke his jaw.
You are living a great life.
(You don’t know about the trackers on everything you own and the chip that tracks your vitals that was implanted in your body. You don’t know about how bloody the boys beat the goons, and that the only reason the Joker survived was because it was more important to get you to safety. You don’t know about Bruce’s hidden camera in your room, or the three different hidden cameras in your classroom. You don’t know about how Bruce threatened Talia when she expressed an interest in you. You don’t need to know about what your boys were willing to do for you. You don’t know about how much blood your new family spills for you.)
(You don’t need to know that your ex didn’t die from a joker goon, but from Dick Grayson‘s hand. You don’t need to know that Bruce saw it, but didn’t say anything because that man was the main threat to your relationship.)
You have a happy ending with the man you love and the kids you adore.(And they will ensure it stays that way.)
Edit:That’s the end! I hope you guys all enjoyed the series and I’m sorry for the late update. Please request things if you want more of this AU. Also, if you want me to expand on one of my prompts, please comment under the specific prompt. Stay safe y’all!
unironically i think we need to bring back computer labs because APPARENTLY some people WERENT taught basic computer literacy and internet safety in school
things about computers/the internet i think kids should be formally taught in schools because theyre important to know and the amount of soon to be grown adults i know who know NOTHING about any of these is quite frankly almost all of them (and resources to learn if you dont know these things, because its never to late to get better with computers)
how to troubleshoot by yourself when you have a technical problem
what common file types are
some very basics on how to use ""developer tools"" on your computer (because i cant think of a better way to refer to them) like task manager and command prompt (and their mac equivalents, terminal and activity monitor ofc)
how to read and understand a privacy policy and what your personal data is, as well as what it being collected actually means and steps you can take to keep it private
how to understand terms of service
(hey. if you have trouble with reading legalese and worry about being able to understand these policies anyways, here's a site that gives basic summaries of privacy policies and ToS)
what a cookie actually is
internet privacy and your digital footprint!! seriously i dont know why we stopped teaching people that they shouldnt be putting their entire real identity online in a world where your online actions can ruin you irl
basic safety measures like antivirus software (and why you should use it or if the built in one on windows or mac is enough for you) and backing up your computer (also a mac guide)
common keyboard shortcuts (and on mac)
as an additional note: things i think everyone should know on computers and the internet but schools may bit hesitant to teach about for whatever moral/legal standards schools pretend to operate on
vpns and adblockers! (btw for most of these where you can pay for things im purposefully not recommending any specific software but seriously just use ublock origin for an adblocker)
how to not get a virus while pirating something
what a temporary email is and when to use one
red flags that you shouldn't trust a website (and how to quickly check the security of a site)
what javascript on a website does and how to disable it to get around paywalls
ok one last addition! if you want to take it one level higher, i think learning the very basics of at least one programming language is good for people. it makes computers less scary and it makes you feel very cool, and a lot of people get discouraged about it because it seems overly complicated and hard to learn outside a formal classroom setting, so heres some resources for learning the very basics of python (because i consider it the easiest language to learn and knowing one language will make it easier to learn others)
an online compiler so you dont need to download anything or worry about running code directly on your computer if that makes you nervous
a basic video guide to introduce you to python and walk you through beginner steps
a guide to some syntax and commands you should know (this was literally my lifeline in my first CS class)
some performance tasks to give you things to code to practice and assess yourself
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Do any of u have decent recipes that are like 5 ingredients (not including spices) and take 45 mins or less to prepare i gotta stop eating sandwiches for dinner
ignore the title of this google doc because it's a long story but it's a really solid recipe for southwest chicken alfredo
this is a vegetarian potato curry recipe that's about 75% spices; once you get the potatoes in there you can really do whatever you want with it
this is literally just pasta, broccoli, and cheese babey and you can live off that shit for DAYS it makes such a big portion
bro this spinach/pesto/3 cheese flatbread is so fucking tasty bro
also you can make the flatbread yourself it's super quick!!
oh hey I'm eating this white chickpea chili right now, much like the curry it's mostly spices and you can do p much do whatever you want with it
don't let the name fool you these potatoes are delicious any time. not just breakfast.
this is slightly more than five ingredient when you add them together but if you have time and really wanna fuckin treat yourself I recommend these chicken strips + this cornbread + either these potatoes or these buttered veggies on the side.
this recipe for gogumabap (sweet potato and rice) saved my life when i couldn't eat hardly anything for a long time. the recipe itself calls for a heavy bottomed pot but you can absolutely use a rice cooker and put the rice and diced sweet potato in together and just let the machine do its thing
Time for me to beat my little clown drum again for Indian-ish by Priya Krishna, aka The Easiest Recipes I Have Ever Fucking Made. Dal that takes 15 minutes. Easy aloo gobhi. Easy saag feta. Buy. Cook. Eat.
This recipe for oven baked gnocchi with broccoli and lemon is awesome, and I appreciate that there are instructions for making your own version with different vegetables and toppings.
Hey, you are not an embarrassment for not knowing how to do certain household chores/basic self-care. They do not come naturally to us. A lot of it takes practice! Maybe you had a neglectful guardian. Maybe you had one that was very coddling and never thought to teach you. Maybe you haven't lived in a place where these things were available to you or needed. Doesn't matter. It's okay to not know and far more common than you might realise.
That said, this website provides very simple instructions on how to do everyday tasks such as making your bed, using a washing machine, cooking different foods, washing dishes, taking a shower, etc. All you have to do is use the search bar to find the task you're struggling with, and it'll come up with what you need + other related how-to's:)
If you're having trouble navigating it, let me provide you with some examples:
How to clean dishes by hand
How to make your bed (with visual demonstrations of each step!)
How to fold clothes (with visual demonstrations of each step!)
How to take a shower & dry yourself off (also provides ways to shave beards, armpits, legs and genitals)
How to shave legs, armpits, beards, pubic areas, etc. (a more in-depth guide)
How to mop the floor
How to sweep the floor
How to swallow pills
How to make small talk
How to make eye contact in different situations (or how to avoid it while still looking natural)
It's also perfectly okay if these don't help or aren't appealing to you. Unfortunately, nothing helps everyone.
Also if the reason you don't know is developmental , intelectual or learning disabilities making you struggle even if you've been taught a bunch of times , you are so cool and awesome too :^) [smiley face ]
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