Deity from down below

Bears. Every single species of bear. Yes even that one. 'But they're actually pretty shy and -- " it's a FUCKING BEAR.

Moose. Moosen. Mooses. Meese? Those things.

Oxen.

Alligators. I don't care how many videos you have of people keeping them as pets. That thing is basically a small crocodile, and fuck crocodiles.

Any animal from Africa larger than a human baby. Presumably I don't need to explain this.

Any spider or scorpion from Brazil. They are all so fucked up. "Oh but this one is harmless -- " no, that one is the Most Venomous Of All, the species has been hiding this from scientists so that it can run into your house specifically, run up the handle of the broom you're trying to shoo it out with, and bite you. It wants to do this so it can watch you succumb to the poison. It's a sex thing for the spider.

All nonhuman apes. I know I already said Africa but you definitely thought I meant lions and elephants and hippos and shit, which I totally did, but also apes. All of them are so very, very strong. A chimpanzee can and will eat a human baby. A chimpanzee can and will bite your fingers off for no reason that makes sense to a human. It's like eating a stick of cheese to them. The larger apes I presumably don't need to explain.

Hey on the topic of Africa, did you know that one theory about why horses were domesticated but not zebras is that zebras are just dicks? Did you know that a zebra can bite you and lock its jaw and just not let go? Yeah like the myth about pit bulls. It's actually about the Silly Stripe Horse.

Rabies. I know rabies isn't an animal. But we don't have rabies in Australia, meaning that any mammal in a rabies-containing country is by definition scarier than any animal in Australia, because it might have rabies. Sure we have venomous snakes here but they're easily identifiable and prefer to leave you alone. Some countries out there have a Potion of Make This Animal Venomous And Also Make It Likely To Want To Just Bite You, and dole it out to animals at random. "You can get a vaccine in those countries" I can get snake antivenom too. i simply do not want to be bitten in the face by a diseased wild animal that is currently dying painfully.

That water parasite that grows big long worms under your skin and they have to pull them out and they get so long that they pull it out bit by bit while wrapping the pulled worm around a stick to keep it out of the way like me detangling yarn.

We have these remarkable things called 'antivenoms' and 'do not go swimming in box jellyfish waters you lunatic'. If a snake or spider bites me (which has never happened to me btw, despite being in their vicinity quite regularly; taking basic precautions like 'don't jam your fingers into random dark holes' mean you have to be REALLY unlucky to get bitten by anything) I can go to hospital and wait for a simple puncture wound to heal. If a snapping turtle takes a finger then that finger is just gone.

Of course I'm not gonna claim to be a wildlife expert, but is there still not a significantly larger population of "f*ck you* animals in Australia then most other places? (<‐ question full of wonder and curiosity) Regardless, I do think a lot of the "no this place is scarier" "no this place is" conversation is dependent on having lived in or grown up in those areas.

Rural kids are trained in snake safety from the time they can walk, but they almost never need it beyond 'if you see a snake leave it alone and tell an adult'. I grew up on a farm and I think I saw 2 wild snakes in my entire childhood. (I saw more when I moved out to the desert.) The only people I've ever heard of dying of snakebite in recent times have been the occasional dumbfuck tourist doing dumbfuck tourist shit.

If you live in bear country, you've seen more wild bears than the average Australian has wild snakes. As for spiders, I couldn't tell you how many venomous ones I deal with because I never bothered to learn to identify different kinds of spiders. There's hunstmans (harmless) and daddy long legs (I think Americans call them cellar spiders; also harmless) and then there's the Dudes Who Live In The Garden and that's it. They've never been any kind of problem.

For people who are worried, here's the

Ultimate Guide To Staying Safe From Wild Animals In Australia

before going swimming anywhere, ask the locals if the water is safe

wear long boots and jeans in long grass (our snakes can't bite through them if you startle one)

don't jam your bare fingers in any mysterious tiny holes (trapdoor spiders like to live in tiny holes)

if you see a wild animal don't poke it for fun

And, yes, I absolutely should. So I apologized, and now I ask.

"I love that video of you, can I show it to a friend?"

"Can I tell a friend about how clever you were just now?"

"Can I share this in the family group chat?"

"Can I show your art to grandma and grandpa?"

And it's not like my kids don't like when I share their jokes and puns and fun moments. They love it! But they want to have control over what I share with people. Even without their faces or their names. Even people we know and trust.

And they deserve to have that control.

My children are small so the examples are small. They wanted me to ask, so I ask. Just like being told to kiss my grandma's cheek when I was a kid was far from traumatizing, but I don't do that with my kids because it's a way to practice consent and become aware of bodily autonomy.