AMOTM

this is my first time seeing this 🥹 why is it making me emotional

"I'm trying not to lose Hudson"

just got stabbed in the heart 🥲

world turns blue

1. the Biggest source of jealousy is the reaction to Troy coming out. Because why does this white man get to have his perfect coming out on his own terms and he’s absolved of everything he’s ever said and done? But Shane was outed against his will and suddenly Every last little minute failure of his over his entire career has to be relitigated in a new light.

2. The Second biggest source of jealousy is that Troy is playing on a line with Ilya and it’s not even that he wants to play with Ilya it’s that Ilya’s line WORKS and Shane’s line DOESNT. He’s jealous of both Troy AND Ilya because they get to have better hockey than him.

3. Any jealousy he feels over the Troy + Ilya friendship is secondary to the complex feelings he has about Troy being objectively a good friend to Ilya but him kind of resenting that Ilya is friends with Troy because he kind of hates Troy but also it’s not like Troy was uniquely racist and if he iced out every single person in the league who had ever said something kind of racist to him he’d have no friends at all and really he should be used to it by now and he should be able to swallow this like he swallows everything else but he feels like he’s losing his mind a bit because it seems like everyone has completely forgotten everything Troy ever said and everyone is content to rewrite that history as it only ever being Dallas Kent who said those things and really Troy WAS worse than a lot of other guys in the league, and towards Shane he was even worse than Kent sometimes.

4. One day Troy comes to Shane with his head hung to apologize for the terrible things he said in the past. He directly admits that he was wrong and that he was using a performance of bigotry as a shield so no one would look too closely at him. He admits he was always very attracted to Shane and he felt so ashamed of it that he lashed out towards him, and he hopes Shane can forgive him at some point. You understand, Troy says, you know what it’s like to be attracted to someone you shouldn’t be and have to cover that up. You and Roz pretended to hate each other for years.