AMOTM

i miss my parents

Because when you think about it, the problem isn't that you can go to your chosen bookseller and find a story where Sparklia Special gets semi-forced to have babies for Broody McDarkenfay (it's okay, she's into it). The problem is that it is unnecessarily difficult to look a little further down the shelf and find a vampire princess domming the hell out of the hunter who knows he shouldn't love her. Reducing people's choices always serves the reactionary agenda one way or another. Expanding choices. That's where it's at.

Like there is kink, but it still ends up with the characters in a husband/wife type of relationship and the woman being submissive and birthing children and other stuff that follows the pattern of patriarchy... which makes it appear more "normal" and acceptable

my mom is in fact aware that dandelions exist. she temporarily forgot the name and there was some miscommunication.

the truth is actually weirder

she's aware dandelions look like this

she is familiar with this flower. she knows the name of this flower. she declines to believe, however, that these are also dandelions

she does not believe these are the same plant. I tried to explain, and she thought I was either misinformed or lying. so I asked her what exactly did she think the yellow ones were called?

gosh I enjoy this website

happy pride month shane and ilya!

So one year for charity different pro athletes get asked to participate in a live game based on one of those “how well do you know your partner” games but instead it’s “how well do you know your rival” and participating means you get to raise money for a charity of your choice and obviously Shane and Ilya want to promote the Irina Project so they agree and go up against other current famous rivals from other sports

And Shane and Ilya discuss ahead of time that obviously they’ll have to just play things off as they usually do, light hearted chirps back and forth and what not, “winning” is just for the show and won’t impact how much money gets made for their charity so it doesn’t matter. Except then they get there and become overtaken by the need to Win and Be the Best and they are the best. So without needing to discuss changing the plan, as soon as the questions start they lock in and decide that actually they have to demolish everyone else

The other rivals are laughing and making jokes at the questions but Shane and Ilya are deadly serious and the host starts to get a little weirded out by the fact that they actually know the answers and aren’t just saying things like “how many goals last season? Probably one less than me haha” and actually have each others stats memorized

Because the audience is loving it they go to a lightning round that’s just Shane and Ilya and it’s now the usual couple game questions and they’re still getting them right because they can make excuses for knowing later, right now is about Winning

“What is Shane’s favorite breakfast?”

“Kale protein shake with a scoop of peanut butter and a handful of blueberries.”

“Ok um, what is Ilya’s favorite breakfast?”

“Two sausage egg McMuffins with an extra slice of cheese and hashbrowns.”

“What is something on Shane’s bucket list?”

“Sleeping in one of those see through igloos under the northern lights.”

“What is something on Ilya’s bucket list?”

“That thing where you feed giraffes at a zoo.”

“Ok last one. I think we all know Shane’s answer is former paramour Rose Landry, but who do you think is the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with is?”

*through teeth gritted so tight he is in danger of chipping one* “Probably a model. Or something.”

“… Yeah, let’s go with that.”

Crucially the emails and the text conversations are two very different beasts. The texts are very pragmatic and mostly about hookup logistics. Also, there’s a decent amount of sexting. Shane leaves Ilya on read just as often as he responds but he will occasionally initiate. He’ll text Hi and Ilya will roll back and forth on his bed or couch for a minute before responding Hi. And Shane will respond Are you up and Ilya will say Obviously do you need something and Shane will say Yeah. Please and Ilya will send a dick and ab pic (The Shane Hollander Special) and Shane will say thank you.

The emails, meanwhile, are never really raunchy. Shane’s mostly consist of subjects such as Re: Your interview last night and Re: Re: Re: Re: All Stars Schedule/Plans. Ilya primarily uses them to send memes. A sad kitten with the caption this is u lol. Or a picture of a tree outside his condo with one flower bloomed. No context. Shane actually does reply to these, usually with some random image of his own. They end up on Ilya’s Instagram pretty often in later years.

It results in a very strange microcosm of their relationship when the text messages are juxtaposed to the emails because it ends up looking sort of like

Texts: [dick pic] [dick pic] are u up [Hole] Room 418 [arm flexing] [dick pic] Where are you.

ilya rozanov appreciation week: day seven free choice: character profile ♥ | insp

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