AMOTM

i’m like 25 layers deep in the mindpalace of this dinner where shane is like ilya can we please stop talking about my parents potential bisexuality. like this is a one act play to me i can see it so clearly. shane is like “ilya can you not try to convince my parents they are bisexual” and ilya is like “why? something is wrong with being bisexual?” and shane is like “no i just don’t think it’s an appropriate dinner conversation! nobody wants to hear about their parents sex lives. how would you feel if we were talking about your parents sex life?” and ilya gets stony and sniffs and looks away is like “is different. i do not think my mother liked it very much.” and shane is thrown and he’s like “well i…” and then he’s trying to get the conversation back on track and he’s like “okay well even not together nobody wants to think about their parents like that individually. it’s uncomfortable to acknowledge that side of them. you wouldn’t like it either.” and ilya is looking at him like he’s crazy and he’s like “my father was famous in moscow for liking prostitutes with red hair. one time when i was 15 he was drunk and he offered to buy me one and i laughed and told him i wasn’t a pussy like him who needed to pay someone to fuck me. then he threw a clock at my head. is okay, he missed.” and shane is just staring at him like “it’s kind of unfair of you to turn every conversation into a minefield like this.”

i can understand the trials but were the tribulations really necessary

Occasionally forget people genuinely think capitalism is thousands of years old

One time I was talking about Robin Hood with some coworkers and one guy was like “he was bad because the people he helped learned to expect handouts” and I wanted to be like… okay can you explain how that flawed capitalist propaganda applies to feudalism

reminder that capitalism was literally invented in the 16th century

That’s an exaggeration. What was invented in the 16th century was mercantilism. Capitalism really dates for the beginning of the nineteenth century, with the rise of industry and cash crops over artisans and merchants. Vulture capitalism, with the notion that companies have no duties other than generating profit, is even younger.

Capitalism is only 200 years old and I have to say, they have not been an impressive 200 years

An alarming amount of people seem to think capitalism = all trade, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

I cry before sex and I cry after sex, of course, but during sex? I have a fucking job to do.

Which is cry while getting pounded into the mattress, yea. Obviously.

Ilya Rozanov isn't an asshole because he's Russian, he's an asshole because he spent his formative years in fucking Boston