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[scoffs] You couldn't PAY me to jack off to Brian Griffin! [remembers the state of the economy] Well, you could, but it would have to be a four figure amount. [remembers to be honest to myself] Three figures. [remembers not to devalue my own labor] Four figures.

the delicate art of cracking someone's egg honestly has a lot of parallels to trying to help a friend who you think might be in an abusive relationship

the egg prime directive is stupid as fuck because yes, you don't just assume based on incomplete information that your friend is in an abusive relationship and then try to force them out of it, but you don't just fucking do nothing either. you have to employ finesse

I want to see the vampire who lives in this. I bet his name is Chad or Hunter.

And he's ready to crack open a boy with the cold ones.

Genuinely I love helping my friends so much. One of my buds called me and asked for a ride and was apologizing so profusely bc it was so last minute and they said they could pay me back and all that and I just got to be like "no worries I got u covered :D". Being able to just erase stress like that makes me the happiest person in the world