Hefner Hefnorium's Hefner Emporium

"grackle" really is a perfect name for a bird. knocked it out of the park w/ that one

Dude what's wrong with your house

look i knowwww this will make me sound like a pretentious asshole, but art and culture literally make you a better and more interesting person. im not exaggerating. you need to pick up some highfalutin classic literature or watch some experimental auteur films every now and then to gain some scope and perspective about the world around you. cultivate curiosity! this can help you in many ways☝

I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"

Me, seeing the first frame of this video: Oh, mama's at the end of her rope. :')

anyone else ever wish they could lie down harder? Like, I'm already horizonal, but I need more horizonal. I need to be absorbed by the floor. I think that would fix me

image description: tweet by olayemi olurin @/msolurin, reading: There's no high like making a successful hail mary argument. A prosecutor once asked for bail on my client because he had like 63 convictions and I was like judge... 63 convictions sounds like a man who showed up to court at least 63 times. And the judge was like yea you right /end description

You've heard of the man, the myth, the legend. Now get ready for the woman, the omen, the portent.

Jolene

stop calling it a girl dinner and call it by its formal name: Fend For Yourself dinner in an ingredients household

I hate count dicku and his shit bike