I'm tired of dating people like you. I'm tired of being people like me.

She was a star dying for something more. Destroyed by what she was and pried right through my core.

Love kills, depression creates art. Poetry heals while words tear us apart.

I wish I could tell you that no one would ever love you the way I do, but we both know that isn’t true– anyone would.

She always felt the need to fix everything. Like the way the paint on the walls chipped off just enough to where the red would show through in spots. She’d try to cover it up with paint, but see, that’s where we differed– I found it beautiful  the way her scars would shine through her.

This year has been one for the books. The growth, the struggle, the regression. Losing myself so I can find myself again. The growth, the healing, the empowerment. Reminding myself of who I am again.

Today was harder than it has been. It always is when I dream of you.

I keep seeing things I want to send to you. Stories I can't wait to share with you. Places I want to explore. Dreams that need interpreting. Every time my phone lights up I think it's you texting me to tell me about your day. I still have the taste of your name on my lips, the last kiss we shared where you're finger tips left imprints on my heart. I can still feel the pressure in my chest. I keep forgetting that we don't talk anymore.

And how ironic it was you who broke my trust-- my trust in the universe, my intuition, my ability to be loved. You wrote I love you in the sky as we stared up at the clouds wondering what it would be like to just hold your hand forever. You felt familiar. Now distant strangers with our hands up in the air, how do I even trust my own judgment anymore?

Lately I've been at a loss for words preferring actions. Passing half hearts like fractions of a love lost. Some ask often if I miss you, but I'm just memory's fool, fooling myself, because sometimes it's just easier to forget you.

Are you hanging on because you want me here or because you don't want to be alone?

My vision is foggy without you. I guess the clouds have fallen, heaven shattered, reality battered into my brain. This pain is insurmountable, you refuse to be accountable, your words are spoken in vain. So don't say a thing, you've done enough already, trust me.

You tried and you thought, but you can't break my heart when it was never even healed to begin with.

The only way I could stop letting you hurt me was to find the version of you I could not love