#jayy lee

Self abandonment looks like  letting you hurt me in the same way twice and still trying to understand where you are coming from.  It’s like having more empathy  for your trauma than my own.  It’s having an over abundance of patience while you refuse to grow. Self abandonment looks like over explaining myself because  it’s become more important  to convince you of my worth  than treating myself like I  am worth more than this.

Too loyal, too available, too vulnerable— I gave you too much before you could prove that you could handle all of me.

I could tell by the look in your eyes that would be our last kiss, even when you tried to convince me otherwise. I just wanted honesty. “Don’t think about it like that, I’ll see you later.” But I knew you were just trying to make the transition easier on yourself while you escorted me out of your house already planning your next date with someone else. You always cared about your needs more than mine, and I guess I always let you.

She always felt the need to fix everything. Like the way the paint on the walls chipped off just enough to where the red would show through in spots. She’d try to cover it up with paint, but see, that’s where we differed– I found it beautiful  the way her scars would shine through her.

Learning to let go is like convincing myself water won’t quench my thirst.