My Hideout

When I was a little boy, girls used to just do random cartwheels for no reason. Then one day, they stopped. Now that I am a man, no women randomly do cartwheels. This is because society is evil and killed the cartwheel impulse in their soul. They don't even spin horizontally anymore. It's fucked up.

what if your house was FLOODED and your minecraft pj pants BROKE and you got COPYRITE STRIKE from YOURSELF and your BOYFRIEND wasn’t a LAWYER and you were GAY

Happy Moon Landing Eve! Remember to leave out milk and cookies for Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong, and don’t let Michael Collins convince you to prank NASA!

If Tumblr is still here next July 19th, I fully expect this post to obliterate my activity feed.

fibercrafts are SO maddening cuz wdym I have to go to work tomorrow, I'm like a third of a way through making a whole ass fucking cape, don't you think I should be allowed to focus on what matters (my fucking cape)

im obsessed with the world of donkey kong, where the "barrel" is an abstracted, functionless object that seems to just manifest in the wild

you put a dog on a diet and he'll start begging for plain ass vinegar like he's christ on the cross

would you put a discarded fruit sticker on my forehead in whimsical jest yes or no

reblog to put a discarded fruit sticker on the forehead of the person you reblogged from in whimsical jest

Joy and whimsy detected! 🦈 <- this grout white shark is joyful and whimsical!

just to be clear, "eat the rich" doesn't mean your neighbors who happen to make six figures because they're doctors, but instead the people who make millions upon millions an hour sitting on their ass all day.

Today I was trying to chat up this girl standing with her friend at a lesbian bar and said “oh are you two together?” meaning were you friends before being next to each other at this bar and one turns to the other and goes with all the venom of a black mamba snake “I don’t know Cara, are we?” and I was like you know what? not my table

yeah sure whatever