you're rosencrantz & guildenstern. that's enough.

If even a single page in the Book Soup bookstore was affected by the West Hollywood explosion/sinkhole I’m killing everyone in this room and then myself

venice is the funniest neighborhood in los angeles. it's populated entirely by aging hippies in bad drum circles, the truly deranged selling paintings of simpsons characters on the boardwalk, influencers shooting annoying run club content in $200 sports bras, and Will Arnett, for some reason

i am excited to get a medal for finishing a race. the last awards i got were in 12th grade speech and debate for being a fucking champion. i just wiped the floor with all the other original oratory kids in the state of massachusetts like johnny lawrence in black pumps from TJ maxx

i just saw the video of hudson williams trying and failing to light a stalker fan's picture on fire with his lighter and i laughed so hard i almost threw up

i went from 131 pounds to 138 and i'm aware this is nothing and yadda yadda body positivity and so part of me is like hey dumbass maybe it's because you're in a relationship and so you're lounging around happy and eating a lot of take-out and then the other part of me is like yes but that doesn't negate the fact i burst into tears about how it hard it was to button my jeans today because a relationship does not fix all mental hang-ups you have even about societal body image issues. haven't you ever seen crazy ex girlfriend. and then the chill body positive version of me is shamed into silence because she forgot about crazy ex girlfriend

an interesting fact about me is my little brother M is a true freak who ran the Boston Marathon in two hours and twenty-nine minutes. meanwhile myself, a healthy able woman who shares all the same DNA, took almost an hour to do her old two-mile loop and now my breasts are in excruiating pain because you know what Mr. Speed Racer never had to train with? D Cups

the best Vincent Van Gogh property is the musical Starry because it has the line “with a brain like a blizzard in June - fascinating, but maybe just a little too soon”. the worst Vincent Van Gogh property is that weird building they rented in Hollywood where they just projected starry night onto a wall for like three years and then charged my old roommates $55 for seat cushions with sunflowers on them. the doctor who episode is squarely in the middle, under the actual painting cafe terrace at night