A True Garbage daddy

I really thought I was gonna get everything I ever wanted and of course literally days before hand it all comes crashing down. And now I don’t know how to explain the heartache I feel because it’s so fucking overwhelming and not even like real heartache.

We never met in person. It was all online and we didn’t even talk that frequently. He works in the entertainment industry and lives in London so I gave him space because I didn’t want to be a bother. And we last spoke in November and things were great and he didn’t have his schedule set yet but if he was free we’d meet up.

And now he’s seeing someone else so nothing is happening and it’s just so frustrating because I could see potential in this connection and it feels like such a waste.

Obviously I felt more than he did about this meeting up but he was always enthusiastic and open and even now he was so nice about turning me down it just still hurts so fucking bad.

I’ve been crying so much and couldn’t sleep last night and I ate a little today but I really have no appetite.

This ocean of sadness just feels so deep and impassable.