dr. memes, phd

hmm…this is a tough one because there aren’t many plant evolutionary traits i think are flat out stupid? like theres at least like one a week that makes me shit bricks, but id say with 99% of plant stuff i can at least see how it got to the conclusion of making a certain structure, and most of the time its something way smarter than i would have come up with if i was like, god or something. 

the closest i can think of would be something from back before plants figured out literally anything….i know ive talked about this a few months ago, but i really can’t get over a variety of extinct plants. currently my favorite from the dawn of plants on land is Aglaophyton major, a plant that was around 410 million years ago and was in the stage where plant anatomy was shifting from a primitive upright stem sprouting from a thallus (hornwort style) to a stem creeping along the ground.

this is literally so embarrassing. humans finding fossils of this is analogous to mankind as a whole accidentally walking in on someone in the public restroom of life. 

this is what i was talking about by the way

Interplanetary Journal of Cultural Studies Volume 16, Issue 3, Pages 322-340

Abstract

The recently decoded Internet Archive includes the digital artifact called “Archive of Our Own” (AO3) from early third millennium Earth.  AO3 is unusually well backed up and therefore is presumed to contain some of the most significant -- perhaps even sacred -- texts of the time.  In this paper we present our preliminary analysis of AO3 metadata, including new insights about the literature, gender and sexuality, religion, and scientific understanding of this historical era: 

I. LITERATURE. We describe the cultural centrality of figures such as the Winchesters and Reader.  We explore how they featured heavily in every dominant literature genre of the era, including Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, and Oral Sex.  

II. GENDER AND SEXUALITY. We review the overwhelming evidence that male-male relationships were the most culturally significant sexual and romantic relationships, but we also show that it was a culture with an unusually broad set of sexual and gender roles.  In particular, we highlight the unusual tripartite conceptualization of gender as including alpha, beta, and omega roles; we note the apparent prejudice against betas, illustrated in the prevalence of “no beta we die like men” and similar protest slogans. 

III. RELIGION. We describe a newly discovered religious taboo: doves were a common sacrificial animal of the time, but they were forbidden from being eaten.  

IV. SCIENCE. Finally, we present new insight about alternate universes.  While previous scholars hypothesized that the scientists of Earth may have developed a correct early theory of the multiverse by the late second millennium, our analysis of AO3 presents evidence to the contrary.  As late as the early third millennium, prevailing theories postulated highly specific universes, such as a universe in which everyone is in high school, or a universe contained within a coffee shop.