Irreverent Musings of an Eclectic Mind

90% of cancer is simply bad luck. 10% is genetic predisposition. I’m in the 90%. Statistically, I’m not even supposed to have this. Yet here I am. It was so unlikely that it hadn’t occurred to my doctor to suspect it, until he saw the pathology report.

By the time you’re my age, your identity is usually the sum of your life experience. Something you’ve accumulated, something you’ve built. And then there are identities that are thrust upon you. Being a cancer patient is one of them.

Finding yourself having to battle cancer in the midst of a global pandemic, is something else.

The surgery is a month away. It’s a slow-growing cancer and well differentiated, but at the same time, no one can tell me how long I’ve had it. Lymph nodes have to be analyzed to see if it has metastasized. Only post-surgery pathology analysis can tell us.

So, the future is almost completely unknown. It’s unknown exactly how much of future I get to have. Almost all my plan had to be scratched. My heart breaks at the thought of possibly leaving my loved ones behind and alone. My octogenarian parents never thought they could be left behind by their adult child at this point.

If I were to ask my friends of anything, I would ask this: Do whatever you can to stay healthy. In the middle of a pandemic, it means to wear a mask diligently, to wash your hands frequently, and to physically stay away from people of other households. In normal times, it means to try to have healthy habits and to get your routine checkups with your health care providers.

Especially women - our bodies tend to be quirky. But don’t dismiss things you notice. Talk to your doctor. Get it checked out.

Never skip cancer screenings as recommended.

I’m fortunate enough to have a platinum policy and an access to good quality care and expert providers. I am angry that someone like me would have to consider going deeply into debt in order to access the lifesaving care they need, or that they may not even have an access to it. I’m infuriated at the thought of non-medical people, especially men, deciding whether or not I could get the care I need to stay reasonably pain-free and alive. I’m livid at the thought of running out of the insurance coverage simply because it already cost x amount of money, all to protect the bottom line of an insurance company.

It burns my soul to hear people speak of those with preexisting conditions as if we are sacrificial. If I get Covid now, my chance of survival for the next 5 years is smaller than that with simply having the cancer. I still have to go out - to the hospitals, to the pharmacy, to a grocery store. I can’t live in a plastic bubble.

In my days of looking directly at my own mortality, if you thought I’d stop being political, you never knew me.

Politics affect life. They affect lives including mine. If you say you care about me but support the policies that hurt me or people like me, you actually don’t.

Wear your mask. Wash your hands. Don’t get together with others. Never skip checkups.

I do love the Joe Biden who ran in 2008 election. I loved and admired the guy who was the Vice President to President Obama for 8 years, the one who had his back, the one he called his “brother.” I shed tears for his loss of his beloved son. And I still believe to this day, 100%, that he was the right choice, that President Obama made the right call.

But there has been a sea change in the political, cultural, and demographic landscapes in the past few years. We are witnessing and feeling the ground shift.

And he is still trying to navigate through it the only way he knows how, which is outdated.

The world is changing and will keep changing. At the speed and the way it pleases. In that, you need a new pilot and a new navigator.

There’s a fine line between mentoring and grooming.

Grooming is such an ancient practice all over the world, across many cultures and civilizations. The practice is by nature extremely prone to abuse because of the power dynamics. It’s almost always used to promote or rather, create co-dependency and the kind of psychological tethering of a young female (typically) to the groomer, robbing her of the choices she would have had in selecting her mate had she not been carefully guided for a long period of time.

Ultimately it is still difficult to say whether or not the female mentee / groomed has been harmed, as some of the more famous relationships have developed into what many would consider mature and “normal” relationships, some even lifelong ones.

The reality of the practice, however, is that there is no meaningful way to change or temper the power dynamics in such relationships, and it in turn makes it nearly impossible for the groomer to resist, constantly, his own desire to manipulate the younger companion to his liking, surreptitiously bending her to his will, convincing her that what he is manipulating her to choose is her own free choice - rather than encouraging her to nurture her autonomy, letting her know in no uncertain terms that he would always respect her choice when it is not to his liking and/or not one that would benefit his interest.

The greatest of the traps is set for those lost souls who are unfortunately having to grow up without the kind of nurturing authority figures, particularly male ones, who would try and please anyone who appears to give them the sense of affection and APPROVAL - as long as they do what pleases him.

By no means the concerning and nurturing adults should shy away from having or even pursuing healthy relationships such as friendships and mentor-mentee relationships. They should be cautioned, including patents themselves, against disapproving the young people and withholding their affections from them when the young people flex their sense of autonomy and make a choice that they themselves wouldn’t and/or would simply be not to your personal preference. Short of being objectively and seriously detrimental to the best interest of the young people themselves, the adults in these relationships should always take a step back and try to look at things from an objective viewpoint, before letting them know of your disagreement. It is definitely easier said than done - but the keyword here is “try.”

So, what of grooming, in the end?

The royal house of Great Britain and the imperial household of Japan are both wine-dine-and-dazzle diplomatic arms of the respective government. That’s their job.

And their respective foreign ministries are not stupid.

Think about it for a bit.

ICE, Immigrations and Customs Enforcement, is in theory and conceptually a necessary government service. As an organization that it is now, it is corrupt beyond salvaging and all too powerful to be reined in by any other lawful authority. For a nation of immigrants that builds its wealth and sphere of influence all over the world on trade and exchange of not just goods but innovations and ideas along with people, the current form of ICE as an organization is nothing but an impermissibly powerful impediment if not downright antithetical.

Christmas celebrations are, or have become, a tradition in many places all over the world, of merrymaking and togetherness with family and friends. Growing up in Japan, in a household that happened to celebrate few holidays to begin with (a story for another time), let alone Christmas, it had always seemed to me like a time when one could be transported to a magical realm filled with lights and mirth. Back then - we’re talking about several decades ago - Christmas celebrations were naturally overshadowed by preparations for and celebration of New Year’s Day, the traditionally biggest holiday of the year in Japan. Small contingencies of Christians, Western expatriates, and American servicemen stationed there, celebrated Christmas as much as they could. At the same time, in a unique way, Christmas in Japan took roots and evolved its own traditions and customs - Christmas cakes, cardboard red boots filled with candies, roasted chickens, illuminations - and of course, presents for the kids from Santa Claus.

Fast forward to today. Now, I see that Christmas celebrations in Japan, while remaining secular, have only gotten more popular and bigger. Illuminations are everywhere, with notably impressive spots reported for and flocked to by the merrymakers. Christmas markets, which appear to be more of an European tradition, are now replicated in various towns and cities there. Giant Christmas trees are set up by various commercial entities for the enjoyment of the public. Some delightful treats such as puddings and mulled wine have been imported. Some fads like ugly Christmas sweaters have even made their way there. And yet - Christmas cakes, red cardboard boots full of candies, roasted chickens, and presents from Santa endure.

Kids write to Santa. They look forward to the presents come Christmas morning. Grownups exchange gifts with loved ones.

Christmas in Japan is also squarely celebrated as the most romantic holiday for lovers. One might say nothing is more romantic than a stroll with your love in streets redolent in jewel-like illuminations in the evening, with faint sound of carols in the distance, cold weather giving ample excuses to hold hands and stay close enough to feel each other’s warmth - for the Japanese who are mostly still somewhat shy about PDA.

Having now spent well over the majority of my life here in the U.S., Christmas still to this day brings me a curious sense of joy. As corny as it may sound, and for the lack of better expressions, there is something magical about it.

Commercialization of this holiday has been a hot topic for some time now - and I’ve often wondered if people really enjoy the holiday. How many people, though? What do they enjoy?

It’s not so much the commercialization, but consumerism.

My Christmas tree, with rose gold foil needles and white lights, stays up year round. It gets properly decked with mishmash of ornaments every December. The best time I ever spent during holiday seasons through the years was when I was wrapping Christmas presents, with the Christmas album by Diana Krall playing, while getting ever so slowly intoxicated with a glass (or two) of mulled wine. For all intents and purposes, I should have been stressed out from the law school finals, yet I really wasn’t.

I loved Christmas.

Back again to today. It’s been years since last time Christmastime had been relaxing. For years, it has revolved around what to buy for whom, what to bring where, or - work.

Overtime. Holiday pay. Bonuses.

Chores. Errands. Obligations.

As I delve more and more deeply into a research rabbit hole for my creative writing aspirations, I started seeing a discernible difference between the celebration styles between two cultures I know most intimately. This holiday of Christian tradition celebrated secularly in Japan, means to the residents there, the time to merry-make and spend with family and friends, rather than shopping for the most expensive, trendiest, or even most number of gifts. Or cooking a big traditional feast. Or competitively decorating and illuminating your home.

Like I said - consumerism.

Making a two-hour drive to my sister-in-law’s home today for the Christmas Eve dinner, all these thought were swirling in my head as fast as the passing landscapes outside the window. I turned and asked my husband - have you ever had a romantic Christmas?

No, he said. Christmas has always been a hectic, chaotic, and often stressful holiday with very little time for himself, he went on.

His response was not completely unexpected - after all, I have been part of such celebrations for nearly two decades now. I must say that there is a particular kind of fun in it. The togetherness. Sense of family in front and center.

But it did startle me a little. Did you ever enjoy it, I asked him. Do you ever look forward to it, as an adult?

He thought about it for a spell. Then he said, “I don’t know.”

Well then, I said, we must spend a romantic Christmas together the next chance we get. We are lovers, after all. We’ll get away. I want us to spend a romantic and relaxing Christmas together, just us. I don’t want you to miss out on this. I want you to relax and enjoy it.

“OK.” Said he.

So, here is what I would love for everyone. And I mean everyone.

I would love for everyone to be able to look forward to, relax in, and enjoy Christmastime. Not the presents. Not the bonuses. Just to be able to enjoy yourselves by spending the time together with your loved one, or loved ones. To spend it doing what brings you joy. If shopping brings you joy, enjoy it. If baking and cooking brings you joy, bake and cook away. Listen to Christmas music. Watch Christmas movies. And of course, if watching your children’s faces light up the moment they open their presents under the tree is what you live for, go for it.

Whatever lets you enjoy spending this time of the year.

That being said —-

Please be kind to yourself. Please do not stretch yourself too thin and sacrifice things that cannot ever be regained or recouped.

Like time, for one.

Year after year, I wish everyone the same thing.