A Little Bit of Everything

It doesn't even cross Kip's mind that hate crimes exist when he asks Scott what's the worse that could happen, because that's not a consequence possible in regency romance. A demand to choose a partner over hockey polite society happens all the time in regency romances. The privileged partner not understanding the dark side of hockey classism, check. A partner caving to the societal expectation of his station and staying the closet is framed as an act of selfish cowardice that he needs to overcome to be worthy of love.

And usually in regency romances, like Pride & Prejudice, the solution to this barrier is for the couple to just choose each other and declare their love and it all works out (due to the man's extreme privilege shielding his wife, which doesn't map to homophobia) or for the couple to happily leave the nasty gossip-mill of polite society (Montreal) to more comfortable country social circles (uber-supportive Ottawa). This could be why the Russian issue is waved away, because regency stories usually end with the couple either winning over dynastic acceptance or with them in a more powerful position than their disapproving relatives. Neither of which can be applied to this situation, so there is no roadmap for Reid to continue the issue.

This could explain why Reid feels that coming out publicly is imperative to a happy ending. If homophobia is positioned by the writer as the modern take on romance novel classism, then remaining in the closet--in any capacity--functions as an adherence to social hierarchy, which the regency genre demands their love interest grapple with and reject.

i know the first thought is like. when shane was folding his pants before sex but i honestly think ilya just thought it was dorky and cute and didn't think too deeply into it

to me, when i consider how ilya interprets all of their interactions up until florida, the stylist reveal at the bar is when ilya fully realizes that shane is really just wired completely differently than most people and that's why none of their interactions have ever made sense to him.

this is also a personal headcanon of mine and i don't think this is in the text or meant to be BUT HEAR ME OUT

he sits through their entire conversation with such obvious anxiety, tapping and twitching and staring and thinking shane can see it and is just torturing him with the build-up to his engagement announcement because ilya deserves it. and then shane goes. can i tell you a secret? :) and ilya's like FUCK no PLEASE don't but his mouth says okay because he is a masochist and he needs to know where they stand and if he's about to fight for his right to be shane's mistress, and shane just goes 'i..... hired a stylist :3'

and ilya just.

come with me on this face journey for a moment

this FOR ME is the moment ilya realizes that he's been misunderstanding shane completely. i don't think he goes 'oh shit... autistic' but i do think he fully understands that shane is just Like That and genuinely can't read the room for shit and has no idea ilya is crawling out of his skin to know if they can be something again

anyone else would have acknowledged the hints he was dropping. the physical cues. the updowns. but not shane. which means none of his past attempts to silently communicate got through, either. which means. a lot.

like....look at the hotel room interaction after this. Ilya is still guarded and half-expecting Shane to break up with him at the beginning of this, because while he has realized that Shane is not neurotypical he doesn't totally get it, not yet. Shane comes in with a serious face, and Ilya comments that this looks serious, and Shane deflects but then is like, well, maybe, can you sit down? and Ilya stays away, not looking at Shane, because he is still hurt that Shane left his house the way he did. even though for Shane, while that day at the house was "nice," Ilya was still drawing a line with his words ("not as person, of course, but you have a good mouth." "is nice to have regular woman like that. I think maybe I will find someone else.") that his actions (asking him to stay, making him food, having real conversation with him) contradict. and Shane in that moment, that critical moment where Ilya says his name--Shane just couldn't cope with that contradiction.

but in that hotel, Shane turns the tables on Ilya a bit. Shane may not know he's autistic, but he 100% knows he misses social cues and misunderstands things because Hayden repeatedly coaches him through social interactions! (and because let's get real, undiagnosed adult autistic people still really recognize that they are missing subtext, or at least I did.) so Shane takes this opportunity to be direct, to clarify, and to start to ask Ilya for the same. and that directness creates space for Ilya to be vulnerable for the first time, and shows Ilya that Shane is safe for him. which, in turn, terrifies Ilya, but that's another post

I think their relationship is a lot more complex and deep than either just friends with benefits or unrequited love.

Their dynamic to me seems more queerplatonic. It’s undefined, but powerful. Yes, they’re childhood friends. Yes, they’ve had sex multiple times, but Svetlana is not some doe eyed girl chasing after Ilya.

When he asks her in the cab, ‘are you jealous?’, she replies ‘I think you know me better than that.’

In the scene with Sasha in the bathroom, she says ‘you boys need to catch up.’ She knows about them. She’s actively encouraging it.

There is love there, an abundance of it, but to try and put it into a socially acceptable and limiting box is disingenuous.

Svetlana is allowed by the narrative to be quietly complex, and I adore that. For a side character with not a lot of screen time, I came to absolutely adore her and the way Ksenia portrayed her.

That's why Ilya talking about Svetlana to Shane, with such obvious affection and comfort, punches Shane in the insecurity in Boston. But it's also why Ilya's assurances that Svetlana would marry him ring a little bit hollow - maybe she would, if he needed that for protection, but maybe she would also call him out on his bullshit. Because they love each other, support each other, and protect each other, but they don't use each other.

in this mindset, the only useful thing i could do was die. i didn't want to. i wasn't generally suicidal (although i do consider this mindset a form of... abstract suicidal thought). but i believed my life was the only meaningful thing i had to offer.

now i'm a member of a community who values me and values my contributions even if i can't contribute as much as i'd like -- a community that emphasizes that every single good deed matters, every compassionate act changes the world. a community where just showing up is enough.

now i know that i can change so much more while i'm alive than i'd ever be able to as a corpse on a battlefield. i know that if i keep showing up, i will find or someone will show me a way to make a difference. i know that i am valued as more than a hypothetical martyr in some grand final battle. i know that i am missed when i'm gone. i know that the actual work is done by regular people with a goal in mind, and i know that that work is unglamorous. i know the unglamorous work is often the most meaningful and the most fulfilling.

the "revolution or nothing" mindset is rendering my generation hopeless. a very loud portion of gen z now believes the only contribution they have to offer is their life. this belief effectively nullifies a person's capacity to create meaningful change; any action they could take while alive is not worthwhile because it won't fix the world's myriad problems in one fell swoop -- better to burn it all down and yourself with it.

i am not blaming the people who are in this place. it's a terrifying, dark place to be in, and when you're there it really does feel like it's the only thing that exists. this is the place where people kill themselves.

i think, though, that this phenomenon, scaled up to apply to politics and activism, undergirds so much of what we see from the left now -- the world is dark and terrifying, and in the 24-hour news cycle, social media doomscrolling era we live in it's so so easy to only see the bad, and when you surround yourself with other scared, overwhelmed people, it can form a sort of 2014-tumblr-depression-tag echo chamber where that hopelessness is glorified and lauded and propped up as Correct And Enlightened.

'I LOVE that you just said that. That you said "right now"!' he said. 'So many of my homeless patients say they're homeless like it's their job, and that means they never see a way out of it.'

'Well,' I said, knowing the statistics. 'Most people are on the street for a year on average. It's not forever, it can't be. nothing is.'

And because I had the audacity, the boldness, to assume I was only homeless right now, I actively kept living like it was a temporary state, like I deserved housing and deserved care and deserved better than i had right now. Because it was only for right now. It wasn't forever. It couldn't be. Nothing is.

I was homeless for about a year and a half. And then I got housed. And right now I live IN a house, with good friends.

But it's only for right now. It isn't forever. It can't be. Nothing is. And whatever's coming next is going to be better! Because I have the audacity, the boldness, to assume it will be and that I deserve it.

And you do too.

But you HAVE to start thinking of misfortune as only being temporary. It's just bad right now. Practise that. "It sucks--right now" "I'm miserable--right now". Just a small thing. But it makes a big difference. It makes all the difference.

Because if you always put "right now" at the end, no matter how miserable you get, you have left a little crack.

in my class, the oldest student started school at 47. the class average age, at the beginning of 4 years, was 28. the average age at graduation was 32. more than half my classmates had done another career, some just for a year or two, others for 15 or more, and then returned to follow their dream.

in the class 2 years below me, the oldest student started at 53. he was a human neurosurgeon who decided he wanted to be able to take those skills to dogs.

Hemlocke Springs (alt rock/new wave revival),

the Noisettes (indie),

Skunk Anansie (hard rock/metal),

Tamar Kali (rock/punk),

Valerie June (country/blues),

Santigold (indie),

Bloc Party (post punk revival/indie rock),

O Children (goth),

Lord Scary Black (goth),

Cemetery Sex (death rock)

deepincision (heavy metal)

zulu (metal)

black pantera (rock, metal)

winter wolf (punk, metal)

erzulie (punk, rock)

youth man (punk)

the 1865 (punk)

crystal axis (punk)

pleasure venom (post-punk/hard rock)

the rack (they describe their sound as “hard pop rock”, blends punk vocals and rock)

danny denial (indie punk/rock, queer)

gloom east (alt/indie rock, moody pop blend)

big joanie (synth punk + some more melodic, blues-like tones)

madame st beatrice (gothic, moody and melodic)

shadow age (goth)

saccharin (goth)

the ire (goth, punk)

bastet (goth punk)

Leon Bridges?

Lizzo?

Aloe Blacc?

Doja Cat?

LIl Nas X?

Janelle Monae?

Khalid?

Macy Gray?

Frank Ocean?

SZA?

The Weeknd?

Rihanna?

Bruno Mars?

Beyonce?

Daniel Caesar?

H.E.R.?

and one with mama 🩵

And a mama shot

Plus mama

And one with Mama

Right now, you can submit a comment for consideration on the proposed changes to US Passport law that will include requiring a change from "Gender" to "Sex" on all passports and require that people identify with their sex assigned at birth.

THIS IS THE LAW THAT WOULD BAN TRANS PEOPLE FROM UPDATING THEIR IDENTIFICATION

Please take a moment to click through and submit a comment. This kind of thing is fast, easy, and is one of the many ways to show your support of the trans community to the people that need to know how many of us there are.

This is an excellent low effort way to make a clear statement to the government that you do NOT support the unnecessary and expensive process of changing everyone's passport just so that a tiny population that has done no measurable harm to society can feel afraid.

My strongest evidence lies in the Browning cameo. Jean should not really be a material witness in Nathan Wesninski’s trial. He even says this. And Browning, instead of shedding more light on the situation says “I guess we’ll see, wont we?” I am certain that Browning has made the connection between Neil and Jean and the Moriyamas. Because he would be an absolute idiot otherwise. Why?

Quite simply, too many people know!!! Three people can keep a secret only if two of them are dead!!! And there is evidence everywhere if you start looking.

There’s too many connections back to Riko. Browning has made the connection between Neil’s appearance and Evermore. We already knew this. This book we learned: Riko met with Lola and there were witnesses. Riko was FAR too visibly and vocally pleased about what happened to Andrew. Aaron’s trial mention was very small, but gave us a ton of information, and I bet Browning is starting to look into how Drake got to Andrew in the first place. Proust should be dead, the Moriyamas cleaned that up, but that is now ALSO a red flag.

Jeremy, Cat, and Laila all know for a fact that Riko hurt Kevin and Jean. The rest of Trojans are also starting to get hints about how culty the Ravens were. They heard Jean call him the master and then immediately after, saw the Ravens try to kill Andrew and Neil.

The reporters are starting to make the same connections. Why did BOTH the Moreau and the Wesninski families send their kids to Tetsuji?

Neil told the FBI Elodie Moreau was dead. So why is there a manhunt looking for her?

Too many Ravens have killed themselves. Complete exy outsiders (Cody’s mom) are starting to get suspicious about the suicides. We the audience, Jean, Neil, and at least Andrew all know for a fact two of the suicides are cover ups. It’s not a stretch to assume more Ravens were killed for clean up and made to look like a suicide. The fact that all three of the players who went after Neil and Andrew are now dead is sus.

Neil Josten is capitol U, capitol T, capitol S Up To Something. He didn’t tell Andrew or Kevin he went to California. Each of his television appearances were calculated as hell and seemed to imply that Andrew might know a little bit about Neil’s plotting (since he and Renee played into it), but Kevin for sure doesn’t. Every time Jean has seen Neil since Riko’s death, he has been in peak chaos mode and his moves are incredibly calculated. Sure, Neil is an instigator, but we’re seeing bits of Nathaniel (the only part of Neil Jean has truly known) peek through here. We are not seeing the Neil that loves exy so much Ichirou knows he can distract Neil with it. We’re seeing crime savvy mob prince Nathaniel. Even Jeremy notes it when he says Neil’s smile is so unsettling he has to move away from the computer. The Foxes are not the ones making Nathaniel come out. Neil is playing chess with someone. We’re seeing the parts of Neil that exist in the universe where The Moriyamas killed Andrew as a warning. Why?

On that note, Neil and Stuart said that them being in California together was suspicious so the FBI would come question them, but Stuart had two tables full of people with him. We know the FBI has let Stuart and his team move around before, so the dance with the FBI in tsc might have been staged.

When Stuart was let into the country by the FBI and he stormed the Wesninski mansion, he was supposed to take Nathan alive. Why???? Why did the FBI want him to build a case against himself?? When he saw Neil was alive, he didn’t hesitate and shot Nathan dead. He must have kept tabs on Neil. Neil, the child Mary and Nathan were really never supposed to have. He watched his nephew fall in love with the Foxes. He must have known Neil would be much easier to convince to turn on the Moriyamas.

Neil is so blasé about Ichirou knowing about Andrew that even Jean makes a note of it. We have been in that boy’s head and Neil has never and will never be blasé about Andrew’s safety.

Of the three of them, Jean is the weakest link in the Moriyama secret. He has almost spilled the beans several times. He almost slipped a mention of the deal to Browning. Three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead, and Nora would not have made a point to say that this is the ONLY draft where Jean survived so she wanted to explore what it looked like when he lived if she was just going to kill him off.

Putting Jean, Cat, Laila and Jeremy in a protected building until the end of the school year is SUS. PIC. IOUS.

Which, speaking of Laila, literally RIGHT before we get the Browning cameo, a point is made that Laila’s father/family knows someone in every alphabet agency. If Ichirou has people in the FBI, so does Laila. She has her family look into what’s going on. After the Ravens fans burned her house down, the Dermotts might be in on this too.

One of the last lines Nora gives us to contemplate between books is Neil’s care free “the rules have changed”. In tsc, this is followed by a mention of Neil’s deal with Ichirou. In tgr, it very pointedly is not.

If the FBI is smart, they have to surprise the weakest link somewhere where both his hesitation or the truth will damn the Moriyamas. I am almost certain Jean is going to be called to testify at “Nathan’s” trial and be surprised by a Moriyama question on the stand. If this is the case, Neil has to know the plan or Jean will not say anything. If Neil knows the next move, and he is sitting in the courtroom when the question comes, Jean will answer truthfully. I expect Andrew and Kevin to also be there, and I expect Kevin to lose it and Andrew to have some level of surprise, but not all. Neil will not tell him something that puts him in danger.

But if Stuart or the FBI or whomever has offered Neil a chance to take out the Moriyamas and make sure Kevin and Jean and Andrew are safe, Neil Josten is going to take it. Neil told Ichirou that Riko would be his downfall. He just didn’t tell Ichirou that it was already too late.