Literally anything

how is it mario day and no one posted the essay

Happy MAR10 day, how is this paper only a year old?

The Mammal and the Reptile is a literary masterpiece.

“Hear me out” and it’s the most conventionally attractive alien father figure you’ve ever seen

honey he has a fish for a head

So what, all of a sudden mermaids aren't hot?

my cat somehow took hundreds of selfies on my phone when i was sleeping

That reply is unexpectedly inspirational.

I forgot DW was an ardvark and I though she was just getting roasted

god take woody allen johnny depp roman polanski quentin tarantino brad pitt morrissey p diddy and all these other freaks and give us back catherine o'hara

#i'm losing my SHIT#would you like to not see a dog?#it's brown Thank you, @dreamwaffles, that's it EXACTLY 😂

somnophillia is super funny like im honk shoo honk shoo having a good nights sleep and now you must pass the ultimate test of fucking me without waking me by knocking something over or stepping on a crisp packet i've left on my floor. can you finish your mission while my pet geckos judge you from their tanks? because they're not leaving the room okay the geckos stay in here. also the markiplier fnaf playlist stays on. i sleep better when he's screaming.

all kink stuff is playing pretend but with somno you're not playing pretend you're locked in you're comfy cozy you're snug as a bug in a rug and your partner is playing pretend instead

and like. if you're the one awake you're playing pretend so hard right now like ouuuuhhh look at me i'm a scary evil intruder or a demon or vampire or whatever we're doing tonight and now i just have to uhhhh okay shimmy the duvet off and shhh dontfucking breathe so loud and okayyyyy alright now. ah shit they're sleeping in the family guy death pose how the fuck do i get in there how. how do i. help. why are these geckos looking at me.

plus you have to not get too scared when freddy fazbear jumpscares you or else you're waking them up with your screams

oh great and this guy's here in the cuck box wondering if the screaming is me waking up or markiplier dying or toy bonnie throwing a tantrum