the appearance of novelty and truth

this fic is so good i hope i write it

one of the things about heated rivalry fandom is that there is a lot of talk about dementia, which totally makes sense given ilya's dad and also cte. i don't think though that i have mentioned on here that one of the reasons i was away from tumblr for a long time was that my absolutely beloved mum died of dementia a little over two years ago. the years both before and after her death have been heartwrenching in ways i can't even begin to explain, and the reason i'm still standing is that i am incredibly lucky in all other parts of my life (wonderful family and friends, joys of small dog, flexible and kind work). most people that follow me on here will do so because of old fanfics i wrote, and i haven't even been able to write for years, i assume due to the trauma, other than a short fic a few months ago. i don't know why i'm talking about this, other than a desperation to talk about how wonderful she was at all times, and how weird it is that i have found myself on the edges of a fandom full of dead mothers and dementia. i don't know man. i hope everyone who reads this is doing well. i don't know if i am. most days, i hope so.

i really am tickled by the idea of scott hunter being canonically only 3 yrs older than ilya and catching stray after stray for being old. yet also in my mind cliff is fully in his mid 30s when ilya is a rookie and whenever they get drunk together cliff gets emotional and is like “do you think im washed lil bro…..” and ilya is like “NO are you kidding me……you are stud…..just now in your prime…..”

My most closely guarded and precious to me headcanon about Heated Rivalry in-universe Hollanov RPF is that the VAST majority of the fics are top!Shane. They characterize him as a strong and silent type who eventually melts into a sweet, nervous service top when Ilya's brating and chirping and spreading legs finally convince Shane to let his guard down. Real Shane and Ilya are, of course, not remotely aware of this because I cannot TELL you how niche RPF as a community is and how completely off the radar the cloisters of stan Twitter would be to a couple of professional hockey players from the mid-2010s. However the fandom war caused by the conflicting characterizations of Shane in Hollanov fic versus Shayden fic does result in a middle school teacher in Saskatoon getting doxxed.

Carter Vaughn ray of sunshine owns no less than four rats. he’s a rat guy. he’s playing call of duty and there’s a rat asleep on his shoulder. he’s calling his lesbian sister and complaining because she asks how the rats are before she asks about him. He’s jogging in Central Park and there’s a rat in his pocket. none of this means anything but it gives me joy

I cannot believe this time last year I didn’t even know who shane hollander was and now he’s my best friend and it’s his birthday….

if you can’t fix it you’ve got to stand it being the last line of the brokeback mountain novella is so crazy it makes me feel like my guts are falling out. if you can’t fix it you’ve got to stand it. jesus fucking christ

Shane would do a peloton ad and it could be identical to Hudson’s in every way except for a fleeting moment you’d have the strangest feeling that he was thinking about ending it all while doing it.

shane is the guy who thinks he could steer and land a plane to safety in the event of the pilot passing out and ilya is the guy who thinks that if he ever found himself in a freestyle rap battle he would just somehow lock in and be amazing at it

#myilya can’t parallel park

Okay, enough of "what are the best/worst books you've read", I want to know what your favourite comfort books to reread are. What are the books you turn to and turn to again because they scratch a particular itch and make you feel a particular kind of joy? No justification required, no "I know it's bad but" or "I know the plot is stupid but", just the ones that you keep coming back to because they make you happy?