My Big Boots

It ain't Christmas, but you should still bone up on your wrapping skills.

Whatever are you doing down there? Getting a better view? Get closer...

Hot out there. Better stay inside and pull on your favorite pair of Big Boots.

Summer is in full swing. Time for you boys to break out the short shorts. Big Boots are still mandatory, though.

This has been my motherfucking TED Talk.

Anyone wanna keep this cowboy from feelin' lonesome?

Big shindig in Providence tonight. Hear it's pretty gay and full of Pride. If I see you there dressed like this...well hot damn.

It's Pride Month. Show off a little.

Vroom vroom, mothafukka.

Now that's an impressive Mohawk.

Hold on tight. My long history of scaling fences has taught me you need strong grip and the right footwear.

Well don't you lads look all fancy in your Big Boots and fresh uniforms.

Hear that sounds? Leather fluttering in the breeze, heavy soles on the road, creaking of solid gear? It's a Big Booted man coming for ya. Run.

Relax. It's only the most important Pride Month ever in the last couple decades. Be ready. And don't forget the big ass Big Boots.

Huh. I mean, it's an effective campaign. I'm in.

You there, drone! Get your rubbered rear in gear. Oh, wait, you already are...