IDK WHAT I WANT OR WHO I WANNA BE !!!
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@ambiguityenjoyer
IDK WHAT I WANT OR WHO I WANNA BE !!!

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(voice of a person spiralling) its embarrassing but i still havent figured out if its ok for me to be alive
Connor for Vogue Adria
I do think it’s so funny that rose was like GOD I’m so tired of dating these actors who turn out to be closet cases! I’m going to date a hot pro athlete who plays the one sport where men are actually encouraged to knock each other’s teeth out on the ice as a sign of their aggressive macho man virility. and then shane is like 🥺 it’s ok that I have to fantasize about being being held down and railed by my big strong manly rival to get off when we have sex right? and rose is like oh my fuckinhhggg godddfddddddd
i could watch brokeback mountain a million times and never not cry because it’s about the passage of time which is probably the saddest scariest thing in the world. they could have built a life together but ennis was afraid and he pushed jack away and there was so much space and time between them and then it was too late. the regret and the guilt and the being forced to grieve quietly….wishing things had been different wishing you had known better wishing there was still time, more time, one last time, any time. and the last scene i mean how doesn’t it kill you. One shirt inside the other like two bodies pressed together. shirts not worn in years. lost their smell. lost their purpose. like the fabric of a memory. it was TOO LATE do you understand….he could never get back there….to the good times. To his love. time kept moving on but their love never could. do you understand

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Havana Rose Liu Photographed by Rob Tennent for HERO Magazine
Very expensive screen protector with warranty that I used but didn’t send!!!!! Plastic piece that helps you neatly align the screen protector !!!!! I’m not going to the store to get them to do it bc those men also have shaky hands, what I needed was THAT PIECE
I’m still intrigued by the idea that shane has a harder time adjusting to ilya’s captaincy style in ottawa than he expects. I feel like the metros vs. raiders locker rooms were probably soooo different. I imagine shane as the kind of captain who runs an extremely tight ship with very high standards for professionalism but maybe, uh, not as much room for fun or goofing off or all the casual bonding stuff that makes guys feel like Brothers In Arms. it’s a good place to work in that you can expect everyone to work hard and excel but it also feels very much like a workplace where you are sort of tacitly expected to leave your personal life at the door. like shane is going to treat you well as a colleague but unless you’re hayden he’s probably not going to remember your wife’s name or your kids’ ages and favorite sports at school. and if you’ve got personal life stuff going on outside of work like… you’re at work? he’s got personal life stuff going on outside of work too (see: messy secret gay situationship with a disaster bisexual) and he’s not letting it affect his game.
whereas I think ilya as a captain is one of those people who seem to be running an extremely loose ship (it’s noisy it’s chaotic guys are roughhousing during practice people prank guys other all the time everyone’s out a little later than they should be at the bar together etc etc) but actually the second something starts souring in the atmosphere it becomes obvious that ilya has his finger on the pulse of the room and absolutely nothing escapes his notice. and he has a knack for fixing things or smoothing things over without it actually seeming like he’s intervening at all, just by saying the right thing to the right guy at the right moment or giving someone a little nudge or taking some of the guys out drinking and by the end of the night it’s somehow all resolved even though no one can remember what happened or how he did it.
ANYWAY I think when shane comes into that cens locker room it would be fun for him to be initially silently appalled by how cavalier ilya seems be about his leadership position. like shane has no problem not wearing the C on his new team but is ANYONE wearing the C here??? and I think it would be funnnn for them to have some friction about it at first where shane’s being silently judgy about it but refusing to come out and say anything and ilya’s getting annoyed but also like a little wounded by it because it’s the same attitude his dad always had about his leadership style. and ALSO in his secret heart of hearts he sort of feels like… his raiders, to a man, would have died for him and still loved him even after he left boston in the lurch with zero explanation, whereas shane’s metros threw him under the bus the second he came out… and then when they finally have a big blowout fight about this & that last part surfaces it’s very hurtful to shane because of course everyone loves ilya that’s because people are so EASY for ilya!!!! ilya doesn’t even have to work for it he just shows up and winks at people and cracks a few jokes and everyone is falling all over themselves to make him happy!!!! and maybe shane isn’t good at people but he’s good at being a fucking professional and that’s why he has three cups to ilya’s one!!!! anyway it gets messy and everyone storms off to lick their wounds and then they make up later and eventually ilya admits that OKAY maybe he could stand to be a little more of an hardass when guys are slacking off in practice or whatever and then shane admits that OKAY maybe remembering stuff about your teammates’ families or knowing when a guy’s in the throes of an ugly divorce and needs a little bit of grace is important to helping guys click with each other and feel emotionally invested in what you’re building together, and also it’s kind of hot when ilya makes crazy scoring bets with the guys and then comes back to collect. and then of course having resolved all of this they fuck about it
Step aside Connor Storrie
Connor Storrie | If I Died (2021)
I love you. Is that an "I love you" because you think I'm gonna die? No. But if you keep on asking stupid questions, I'm gonna kill you.

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Bailey Tait birthday girl ?!
the squishiest tits on the block
An absolute dumptruck
I cry and cry and cry and cry
Day of Mourning by Jill E. Stevens for her friend Jimi Ciulla

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Peaches in Warsaw. 2002. Photograph: Schaub Stierli.
ONE MORE TIME FOR DANEZ SMITH