fake people pleasers when marlon brando arrives

we gotta get back to torrent distribution, i just watched someone eat eight grand in bandwidth charges because they ran a direct-download piracy site with local file hosting through cloudflare. torrents were invented literally for this exact reason

can women start cruising me in museums gift shops

in many ways being alive is about getting to have a little coffee every morning

Why don’t we let the guy whose every plan could be reasonably construed as an abstract suicide attempt take a crack at it

the only place that 'i suffered and because i suffered so should you' belongs is when you see something diabolical or emotionally devastating on the internet so naturally youve gotta call up your best friends

may I respectfully add: "This is awful; try it!" *holds out a food or beverage*

this summer we WALK IN A RANDOM DIRECTION and NEVER STOP

im bad to argue with because i have jesters blood if you misintepret me i'll just go along with it. when i was a teenager i was trying to explain the concept of the heterosexual default to someone and they were like "so you think everyone should become bisexual?" and i was like. what the hell sure. lets have legally enforced bisexuality. i'll die on a hill for the bit dont fuck with me.

i think its charming when peoples personal lives improve and they get drastically worse at posting

crush totally wasn't impressed by my miraculous flying machine fml

oh my god i just saw her get onto an airship with a woman whose tophat has at least twice as many sprockets as mine. i will be killing myself with an elaborate pneumatic pistol tonight

whoever says they like the summer is a fucking liar

I often complain about my life but one thing I am grateful for is that I've almost never been shot at with a cannon. That happened all the time in the old days and it seems like it sucked a lot