🕯

so upsetting to realize you never really grow out of that middle-school-girl-pushed-to-the-margins-of-every-friend-group-for reasons-she-doesn’t-know-and-can’t-understand feeling ever

sipping an espresso martini + reading a historical lesbian romance novel from 1991. life is beautiful?

currently enjoying the experience of being SO into something that even seeing fanart of it causes me to writhe in pain

ever since childhood i have experienced these flashes of what i can only describe as an all-consuming dysphoria where i feel totally out of place, everything i’ve ever done feels totally wrong, and my whole life—past, present, and future—collapses neatly into a pinpoint of pure discomfort, agitation. it’s the exact same feeling with the same color and contours every single time so sometimes when i feel it i am reminded of all the previous spaces and moments in which i was overcome by it and i’m fascinated by how unchanging it is, how it’s a kind of unhappiness that is never altered by any new life experiences and exists on its own. idk how to explain it to people, though i’m sure everyone must experience something like this, even if we use different words to explain it

good friend from my uni days got engaged to her boyfriend… It Begins

playing through chapter 4 of deltarune this week with the intention of beginning chapter 5 over the weekend and like. whoa. just whoa