“THE SKIN IN WHICH HE LIVES”

anybody got a gif of kristen stewart slapping her twilight dummy?

gods work

It is possible that somewhere off the coast of Newfoundland there is an iceberg shaped like a giant dick.

AND THE PHOTOGRAPHER COMES FROM DILDO, NEWFOUNDLAND

Mr. Pretty from Dildo, Newfoundland photographed a Giant Penis Shaped Iceberg

I couldn’t be a 911 operator because I’d start crying and screaming right along with you like omfg girl what the hell are you gonna do now.

[Image description: Screenshot of this tweet from user lullabylarva. Tweet says, "i don't freak unless froken to". /end description]

i don't support all women's rights & wrongs some of you are terfs

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

sometimes being a fan of something means not wanting them to make any more of it

Your heart is not true enough to enter the gates of Margaritaville

My heart was heavier than the feather; I am sentenced to Rainforest Cafe

clowngirl getting an orchiectomy and the surgeon just keeps removing ball after ball after ball after ball after

clown nurse standing by solemnly adding each successive ball to the ones she's already juggling