Occult Safety and Health Administration @feyosha - Tumblr Blog

anybody got tips and tricks on how to not go absolutely fucking insane because of the deranged world order we live in

Have you considered disregarding the looking glass in favor of the tactile sensations of grains?

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sandmandaddy69

sahonithereadwolf

I want to see the vampire who lives in this. I bet his name is Chad or Hunter.

marlynnofmany

And he's ready to crack open a boy with the cold ones.

feyosha

CASK OF CRACKING OPEN A BOY WITH THE COLD ONES

-property of Hunter the Ozark Vampire

fleysh

bluesardine

Some great additions from the comments.

pool-core

The Forbidden Pool

pool-core

Every so often a note will blow through my notifs telling me “Um actually the water is only radioactive at the bottom so it’s perfectly safe to swim here” yeah bitch swim in the reactor pool see if I fucking care

jambambles

not-wizard-council-aristocrat

btw that is an excerpt from XKCD “what if”

callali1y

me: it's just like really weird and upsetting when someone is trying to find out my deadname, yknow?

chill af short dude i met weaving gold on his badass loom: oh yeah no i understand completely. do you want that baby or can i have it

me: oh yeah for sure man

feyosha

A GOOD DEAL

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birdplushie

"it's not that deep" START DIGGING!!

magn-animously

DIG

14-opossums-in-a-trenchcoat

DIG

buriedunderyourmum

DIG

hannisconfused

DIG

kitsunesakii

DIG

yourlocalfandomfriendo

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

thatghostthateatspeople

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

OOPS TOO DEEP

"it's not that deep" START DIGGING!!

magn-animously

DIG

14-opossums-in-a-trenchcoat

DIG

buriedunderyourmum

DIG

hannisconfused

DIG

kitsunesakii

DIG

yourlocalfandomfriendo

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

thatghostthateatspeople

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

OOPS TOO DEEP

wizard-council-bureaucrat

Everybody STOP having a crisis, it’s now tea time

☕️☕️☕️🫖🍵🍵🍪

Pause all dread and catastrophe to have a cuppa and some cookies for the next 15-30 minutes

This is a wizard spell

feyosha

Right. Back to it.

asteroidtroglodyte

Guy Fieri, getting shakily to his feet in the middle of an impact crater, using the back of his hand to wipe a single line of blood from the corner of his mouth: he’s just too powerful…

The Ghost of Dr Kellogg: you pathetic weakling; you cannot hope to defeat me!

Guy Fieri, pulling a remote control that’s just a grey square with a large unlabeled red button in the center out from behind his back: no, I can’t. That’s why I’m sending you to Flavortown

[camera pans out to reveal The Ghost Of Dr Kellogg standing in the middle of a large ❌. Cut to floor shot that reveals 50000 Chili Lime bacon Picante Mac’n’cheese tater’tots being dumped from the ceiling by a contraption]

The Ghost Of Dr Kellogg, covering his face: NOOOOOOO-

[is buried in avalanche of Tots, which bursts into flames, and then explodes]

Guy Fieri: guess his flakes… just got frosted

mctreeleth

they need to make a menstrual cup with a tap on the end. vampire fratboys should be able to do a keg stand off my vagina.

mctreeleth

thanks for the advice tumblr but this post doesn't actually need to be seen i'm just trying to unburden my soul of it like it's some sort of dark passenger i need to exorcise out

feyosha

WICKED KEGGER

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fullmetalfisting

Tbh germ theory DOES sound crazy. Like if you told a regency-era nobleman that tiny creatures lived on the surface of everything and THAT’S what causes consumption, they’d be like “ah, I see you are a lunatic. Would you reside in my hermitage? Rantings and ravings do so amuse my guests”

mysteryteacup

But if you told a Medieval person this they would probably go "Ah, so when the miasma settles on surfaces it gains evil life. I understand."

alarajrogers

Yeah, actually, it would probably be pretty easy to explain germ theory to a Medieval person as tiny evil spirits that live on everything, but they can be purified by soap and water, or by alcohol, because that is why God has granted us those things. And because they can float in the air, if you cough or sneeze after they have infested you, that can cause them to infest others. And when you are sick, the angels God has deputized to defend the bodies of His beloved children are at war with the evil spirits, and, sadly, sometimes they lose, but the best way to help your angels win their battle is to rest, drink plenty (this would probably be small beer in this time period, not water, because the water was also infested), stay clean, and for the sake of God do not allow anyone to let your blood, for the angels need that blood in their war against the evil spirits. Bloodletting is good for some types of illnesses but not the kinds caused by the tiny evil spirits.

chekhovs-raygun

boiling as a sterilization measure is also easy to explain. water returns to the air when heated and it rises as steam back up to the floodgates of heaven; we know God created the world in seven days, He's not up there making more water every time it rains. it circulates. the returning of water to heaven also purifies the water of unclean and malign influences. you know wormy water from a muddy puddle will kill your kid. you know you wouldn't wade into a bog and have a slurp. water that remains in the low places of earth absorbs all that is unclean from our waste and it may also sponge up new diseases from hell, we're not totally sure about that one, but it seems likely. God set up the heavenly water cycle so that the earth's waters wouldn't totally fill up with gunk.

what does this have to do with boiling your surgical tools? well look, the boiling water releases bubbles of steam which carries the malign influences up to heaven. you boil a knife, you send all the miasmic particles off with the steam to heaven. if you rinse the knife off in a bucket the water isn't hot enough, the particles go into the water and then right back on to the knife. you gotta boil it to get the particles all the way away. how can a tool or rag or a bed have miasmic particles on it when you can't smell them? humans have a lousy sense of smell. look at your dog on the hunt. are there no rabbits in the woods just because you can't smell them? we know that miasma is carried on the air, and is what makes stench so dangerous, and we know that humans can't smell worth a damn compared to dogs cats horses etc. a dog can smell if a rat died in a corner of the room last week. you can't. do you think licking the spot where the rat died is going to go well for you? luckily, what humans lack in snout we make up for in brains. we have extra brains where our sniffers should have been. God set that up for a reason.

and why does a rinse with wine spirits work? man, look how fast alcohol evaporates. my guess is that because wine contains a lot more vice than water, it evaporates a whole lot faster, in sort of an equal and opposite way that a rock falls faster than a feather. if you want the miasmic particles to get off there FAST, you dunk it in something that's going back to heaven at a gallop.

what's up with honey? it just preserves things against corruption. doesn't clean them off. honey doesn't evaporate at all. probably because bees don't sin. it's not good for ridding a tool of particles-- it's sticky-- but fine for preserving anything you don't want to go to heaven OR hell. this is why you wash the wound with wine spirits or purified water FIRST, to sluice the miasma out, then slap the honey on AFTER. and boil the damn bandage, too. you wouldn't put a rotten door in a sound doorframe and expect it to keep out bandits, would you? cmon.

norrahc

feyosha

KOBOLD TAXONOMY

snaret

OP of this collection got deleted but the other one i reblogged made me remember this so i must spread the word

marathon durandal ass images

ivyrotica

hi hello i’m obsessed with these

soulren

“Ghosts are real” I can see how you could believe that

“Ghosts aren’t real” it’s very fair and rational that you believe that

“Ghosts aren’t real anymore” I’m about to hear a poem or very sad story

“Ghosts aren’t real yet” the fuck are you going to do

asteroidtroglodyte

Wizard Building Codes

• Buildings must reach their Foundations

• Buildings must have an Interior Volume less than or equal to their Exterior Displacement

• Buildings cannot Exist before they are Built

• Buildings must be made of Orientable Surfaces

• Real Estate must be Real

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plaidos

look no matter what if you (somehow) believe in ghosts at some point you’re gonna have to solve for “where are all the ghost dinosaurs?”

funeralprocessor

Dinosaurs resolved all their issues before the advent of homo sapiens.

plaidos

you’re joking (i hope) but surely this just underlines how fucking ridiculous this whole concept is in the first place

funeralprocessor

No, no of course I'm joking. The real answer is that every dinosaur goes straight to hell matter what

feyosha

What we call “gravity” is actually just the spiritual pressure of a compacted layer of Ghost Fish that covers the entire earth 19 miles deep

THE SACRIFICED

#Reanimal

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