I have a lot of neurodivergent kids in my family. And I’ve worked with a lot professionally. And I often see their parents think the kids don’t want to connect, when they would love to — they just want to do it differently.
If they don’t like jokes and teasing, they might like silly noises or yes-and improv.
If they don’t like playing a competitive or narrative game with toys, they might like to take apart a toy, or sort/stack/line toys up, or get buried under toys.
If they don’t like biking or walking a trail in the woods ‘properly,’ they might like to walk along fallen logs, stand in the creek or look under rocks and leaves for creatures.
If they don’t like hugs and cuddles, they might like to bump shoulders, touch fingers, hand hug, spin around together, or (if they like more intense input) wrestle, push faces together, squeeze each other hard or run into you.
If they don’t like putting on kids’ music in the car or to dance to, they might want to listen to a game or show soundtrack, nature noises, a podcast, binaural beats, house music or metal.
If they don’t like animated movies where sad or scary things happen, they might like younger kids’ gentler shows, or adults’ science and history shows, or live zoo and nature cams.
And so many of them would benefit so much from the adults just slowing down. Not scheduling so much in the day, not rushing them through an activity, not stopping them playing the same song or watching the same bug for an hour, letting them absorb everything their way. Seeing it as a meditation instead of a problem. Joining them there.
And if you were one of those kids being rushed and scolded, trying to make yourself like teasing or competition or intense movies or a full social schedule — I’ve been reparenting myself and you can too. Whenever you notice something isn’t giving you joy — you can do it differently. Not everyone is forcing themselves through things they hate for “fun,” and we don’t have to.
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