Everything I Love Is Canceled

image courtesy of your

favorite ghost hunters

Then that’s what you need to tell yourself. Every time you feel that panic. That anxiety. You need to soothe yourself like you would soothe the little girl... You need to tell yourself that everything’s going to be OK. If you commit to that, then I promise you you’ll be able to face anything. And it starts right now.

i feel like the problem with this question is best illustrated by a conversation i had with a friend a while back, where i said something like, "i feel very safe with you because you don't do subtle hints and you are always very straight-up with me about what you are thinking and feeling."

Me: “I work on a computer all day.”

Doctor: “Ah. That will do it. Right, so here’s a script for anti-inflammatories and a muscle relaxer. Also try hot and cold on it, 15 minutes each, and then gentle movements between each round. You’ll feel better in about a week.”

Me: “In a week I’m still going to need to work on the computer.”

Doctor: “And here’s also a script for 6 months of Physical Therapy.”

Me: “In 6 months I’m still going to need to work at a computer.”

Doctor: “And take breaks and do stretches between meetings?”

Me: “They book me in back to back meetings where I work. I eat lunch at my computer. I have to excuse myself to go pee.”

Doctor: “…”

Me: “…”

Doctor: “Um… it sounds like this job is actually, literally, killing you? Can you possibly work someplace else?” *

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Yes, he is a 100% real candidate and if elected would become the MP for Clacton

I've never voted anywhere with a gag candidate but I believe he does appear on the ballot as Count Binface. I assume candidates have to undergo an ID check at some point but there's no rule that says you have to run under your legal name. There is a precedent for people who have been professionally going by a name different from their government name keeping their professional name when they pivot into politics.

And like, how do you police what is and is not an acceptable name? You might say 'no joke names' but if Count Binface says his name is earnest self expression and not a joke how can you prove him wrong?

Count Binface's real name is public knowledge and there is an element of kayfabe going on wrt everyone playing along w the character.

If elected he probably would have to stop wearing the outfit as it would contravene a number of House of Commons regulations around hats and face coverings and also armour.

You do not need to live in a constituency to run for their seat in parliament. You do need 10 nominations from constituents. You also have to pay a £500 deposit which you will get back if you achieve more than 5% of the votes. Count Binface has never got his deposit back but this could be his year 🤞