Everything I Love Is Canceled

*walks up to a couple* so which one of you is the cheetah and which one of you is the golden retriever who keeps the cheetah from stressing themselves to death

imagine someone thinking of you and buying you flowers

ok now imagine a horse as a skeleton with a blue fire mane

Idk who needs to hear this, but you're allowed to stop doing things. It's okay if something you're passionate about stops feeling fun. You didn't fail if you dropped a healthy habit when your routine changed. It's totally normal, and you can always pick it back up if it becomes a good fit for you later. There's so much great stuff in the world, and you can't do everything at once. There will always be new things to fit into your life.

[one and a half vodka crans in] i'm like if a corpse was a boy you could fuck, y'know? i'm like if corpse fucking was legal. no it's not gay if it's a corpse, bro, corpses are like, past gender. unless you want it to be gay. it can totally be gay, bro.

what should I listen to

women

i can’t make new posts right now on my iphone so i’m using this reblog to say that that tintin movie is fucking fire

the Cc in emails stands for Cuck chair

more women should submit to the madness and turn into giant screaming dog beasts

when the blackberry bushes have thorns to discourage mammals from monopolizing the consumption of their fruits and encourage birds to spread their seeds but they don’t know that the mammal in question is ME #notdiscouraged

#ow

#stuck