found a job listing that, if they'd let me be remote, could be utterly perfect. i don't think i'd even crack the first round of interviews, much less get an interview, but the other day i was just daydreaming about a job in this field and then just saw this posting and i'm hoping, despite being knocked aggressively down every time i try to get a job, that this could be a sign from the universe and the right direction for me
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Pop culture reduces It's a Wonderful Life to that last half hour, and thinks the whole thing is about this guy traveling to an alternate universe where he doesn't exist and a little girl saying, "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings." A hokey, sugary fantasy. A light and fluffy story fit for Hallmark movies.
But this reading completely glosses over the fact that George Bailey is actively suicidal. He's not just standing there moping about, "My friends don't like me," like some characters do in shows that try to adapt this conceit to other settings. George's life has been destroyed. He's bankrupt and facing prison. The lifetime of struggle we've been watching for the last two hours has accomplished nothing but this crushing defeat, and he honestly believes that the best thing he can do is kill himself because he's worth more dead than alive. He would have thrown himself from a bridge had an actual angel from heaven not intervened at the last possible moment.
That's dark. The banker villain that pop culture reduces to a cartoon purposely drove a man to the brink of suicide, which only a miracle pulled him back from. And then George Bailey goes even deeper into despair. He not only believes that his future's not worth living, but that his past wasn't worth living. He thinks that every suffering he endured, every piece of good that he tried to do was not only pointless, but actively harmful, and he and the world would be better off if he had never existed at all.
This is the context that leads to the famed alternate universe of a million pastiches, and it's absolutely vital to understanding the world that George finds. It's there to specifically show him that his despondent views about his effect on the universe are wrong. His bum ear kept him from serving his country in the war--but the act that gave him that injury was what allowed his brother to grow up to become a war hero. His fight against Potter's domination of the town felt like useless tiny battles in a war that could never be won--but it turns out that even the act of fighting was enough to save the town from falling into hopeless slavery. He thought that if it weren't for him, his wife would have married Sam Wainwright and had a life of ease and luxury as a millionaire's wife, instead of suffering a painful life of penny-pinching with him. Finding out that she'd have been a spinster isn't, "Ha ha, she'd have been pathetic without you." It's showing him that she never loved Wainwright enough to marry him, and that George's existence didn't stop her from having a happier life, but saved her from having a sadder one. Everywhere he turns, he finds out that his existence wasn't a mistake, that his struggles and sufferings did accomplish something, that his painful existence wasn't a tragedy but a gift to the people around him.
Only when he realizes this does he get to come back home in wild joy over the gift of his existence. The scenes of hope and joy and love only exist because of the two hours of struggle and despair that came before. Even Zuzu's saccharine line about bells and angel wings exists, not as a sugary proverb, but as a climax to Clarence's story--showing that even George's despair had good effect, and that his newfound thankfulness for life causes not only earthly, but heavenly joy.
If this movie has light and hope, it's not because it exists in some fantasy world where everything is sunshine and rainbows, but because it fights tooth and nail to scrape every bit of hope it can from our all too dark and painful world. The light here exists, not because it ignores the dark, but because the dark makes light more precious and meaningful. The light exists in defiance of the dark, the hope in defiance of despair, and there is nothing saccharine about that. It's just about as realistic as it gets.
Here are my belated, spoilery thoughts on Madrugada Suja (Fateful Dawn). Unfortunately half of the episodes on RTP still don’t have any captions, so I might be wrong about some of the finer details, but here goes:
First things first, José’s character (João Diogo) is guilty of rape, which definitely makes him the worst person José has ever played. Since there’s no redemption to be found here, I’m just going to focus on giving José his flowers, since he did deliver a faultless performance with many subtle yet great Acting Moments.
The show is set in the 2000s (I think, judging by the old cellphones and João Diogo’s little sunglasses). A corrupt construction company is planning to bulldoze a nature reserve to build luxury homes, threatening the ecosystem. Only one thing stands in their way: an environmentalist architect named Filipe Madruga (meaning “dawn” like the title). His mother died when he was little, so he was raised by his grandfather on the reserve, caring for the animals. Also, Filipe is the secret illegitimate son of Luis, the politician pushing for the construction project - a secret which could sink Luis’s election campaign.
João Diogo Correia is the sleazy assistant / henchman of Acrísio, the old guy who runs the construction company. They spend most of their scenes together chowing down on delicious Portuguese food - perhaps symbolising that they’re devouring the local environment in the name of greed? Since Filipe is being a thorn in their side, they offer him a generous bribe to lay off the environmentalism. Unbeknownst to Acrísio, João Diogo and Filipe knew each other many years ago, and they share a dark secret:
A drunken night in 1995, which is shown in scattered, non-linear snippets throughout the show before being pieced together in the finale: Filipe, then a shy college student, was alone at a party when he hit it off with a girl, Eva. After a night of dancing and drinking, she piled into a car with him and his classmates (João Diogo and Zé Maria) who proceeded to quietly assault her while Filipe was too drunk to understand or intervene. Afterwards, Filipe and João Diogo fought in the car, which caused Zé Maria (the driver) to accidentally run over Eva in the dark, leaving her for dead.
The whole sequence is tough to watch, especially because you already know what’s going to happen before they even get in the car together, but imho it’s done carefully - while the original book went into some (imho) unnecessary details, here darkness cloaks everything and the act itself takes place mostly out-of-frame.
In the present day, Filipe (now a married man trying to do good with his life) is fully aware that João Diogo has dirt on him. The silent eye contact between them conveys so much - they both know what the other is thinking, and they both know that they both know, etc. José’s stare has so much cold menace that I can’t believe this guy is also Ramiro - even before knowing what he did, you already get the feeling that he isn’t just antagonistic, but actually dangerous.
To convince Filipe to accept the bribe, João Diogo (who btw looks every inch the shady lackey with his slick hair, expensive watch, and refusal to button his shirt) meets with him privately. Acrísio isn’t around to keep him in check, so he cranks up the intimidation and brings up the spectre of that night in 1995. Filipe never reported what happened out of fear that he would be punished too, since he was present during the rape (and I think since his memories are so hazy, he might not be 100% certain of his own innocence?) and it’s been haunting him ever since. Nevertheless, he refuses to be blackmailed about it.
This is embarrassing for João Diogo, since he assured his boss that it would be easy to control his “old friend” Filipe. He gets banished from Acrísio’s mansion to a small hotel room while he figures out how to fix this. From here, it’s basically all downhill for him.
Initially, we only see João Diogo from other people’s perspectives, not his own. He presents himself as friendly and maintains a veneer of civility while in public, but always with an undercurrent of threat. On two occasions, Filipe angrily manhandles and threatens him. In both scenes, João Diogo exudes an incredible lack of concern - rolling his eyes, smiling when Filipe’s hand is around his throat, giggling when Filipe smothers his mouth - not just unfazed but almost excited.
But is he really so amused by Filipe’s lack of cooperation? Is it all just an act to maintain his curated aura? As the show progresses, we see more of João Diogo from his own perspective: frustrated and palpably stressed. When he’s not in control of a situation, he flounders and snorts coke to fortify himself. There are moments of pathetic-ness when you can see José’s deft comedic chops in his taut body language and harrowed expressions.
Anyway, back to the plot - to save face, João Diogo decides to give Filipe an ultimatum. He persuades Filipe to get into his very nice convertible car and then drives him out into the woods. Being alone with the guy whose life he’s actively threatening to ruin is a bold move, so either João Diogo has a lot of faith in his own ability to subdue another grown man bare-handed OR he has a lot of faith that Filipe won’t just turn against him; either way it’s complacent and imho shows that he doesn’t quite take Filipe seriously.
With his usual amiable menace, he threatens to report what happened in 1995 and pin it all on Filipe. Filipe contemptuously calls his bluff, saying he doesn’t have the guts. João Diogo looks taken aback for a moment (has his confidence taken a knock because he’s not used to people seeing through his cool-guy act, or is he simply surprised by Filipe’s defiance?) but then laughs it off.
He calls the police to make the report, which prompts Filipe to take the keys out of the ignition and throw them into the wilderness, where they’re lost forever. Filipe then walks home, leaving his ex-classmate stranded. João Diogo is shocked and appalled by this (“AW FILIPE!! D: D:”) which is kinda hilarious considering that this is such proportionally mild retaliation for everything he’s done. This is the first time we see João Diogo properly thwarted, and it’s a far cry from the smug, unbothered composure he normally displays around other people.
Since João Diogo appears to have no friends (Filipe hates him and Zé Maria has been dead for years), his only real relationship is with his boss, Acrísio. Acrísio demonstrates an avuncular or almost paternal dynamic with him - he nudges and scolds João Diogo like he’s an annoying adult child rather than his right-hand man.
When João Diogo isn’t busy bothering Filipe or ruining the environment, he spends his time playing mini golf at Acrísio’s huge mansion or feasting on seafood which the old man presumably pays for. It seems that his comfy lifestyle is completely tied to Acrísio’s goodwill, which makes you wonder how well João Diogo can actually fend for himself when he’s not orbiting someone rich and powerful.
Even before João Diogo’s past crime is confirmed, we already see examples of his objectifying attitude towards women. In the seafood diner in episode 1, he creepily eyes up the waitress and comments his appreciation as she walks away. While a guest at Acrísio’s house, he rather boorishly compliments the domestic skills of Acrísio’s wife (Acrisio doesn’t mind this, so birds of a feather I guess?).
But the example which sticks out most to me is in episode 3, where he’s shown lounging in bed in his underwear. He’s just had sex with a prostitute in his hotel room and is talking to the mayor (I think?) on the phone. As he hands her the money, he doesn’t even look at her, as if she stops existing when the sex is over. He seems completely relaxed taking an important, confidential phonecall about his unethical business dealings with her in the room, signifying how little her presence matters to him.
These are all small, offhand moments which nevertheless add up to create a fuller picture of who João Diogo is at his core.
In episode 5, Eva (now working as a high-powered lawyer) questions João Diogo about what happened in 1995. He doesn’t recognise her at all. Most of the interrogation is close-ups of them looking into the camera, and José’s face-acting is impeccable as you can see him feigning ignorance, faking sympathy for the victim, starting to feel nervous, etc. At one point he expects Eva to laugh along with him, but she’s not having any of it, and you can see his face drop slightly when he realises his slimy charm isn’t working on her.
Suddenly she drops a bombshell on him (no subs, but I assume she reveals she was the victim that night). João Diogo’s whole demeanour changes from confident to shaken. He abruptly leaves the interrogation room and scurries out of the building.
Elsewhere, Filipe is smoking and brooding. João Diogo arrives with his tail between his legs and joins him for a cigarette. It seems like he’s trying to reach out to Filipe, seeking a truce, maybe hoping that Filipe will back up his fake version of events to the police. But Filipe coldly blows him off, and João Diogo is left alone with no allies. This is a stark contrast to their initial interactions, where he was the one holding all the cards and Filipe was the one afraid of his past coming back to haunt him.
(Also in this scene, Filipe’s face is so mysteriously in shadow that I straight-up thought he was going to snap and beat João Diogo with one of these metal chairs. Unfortunately he has too much restraint to do this).
To keep the company out of trouble, Acrísio sends João Diogo packing to Spain with a tiny yellow car (a soul-crushing downgrade from his beloved convertible, much to João Diogo’s seething humiliation) and a condescending pat on the head. The car breaks down just as he crosses the border, and João Diogo’s story ends with him sitting hopelessly by the side of the road, trying not to cry as he stares back into Portugal.
I love this. I love João Diogo having the worst (so far) day of his life (deserved) and then having these extra little indignities heaped on him. Throughout the episode, his downward trajectory can be accurately measured by his hair, which slowly loses its characteristic slickness and regains its curls, showing how the image he’s built is falling apart.
A bit disappointingly, João Diogo is absent from the finale apart from the flashback. I would definitely have liked to get more closure, maybe have a final confrontation. But his story is left open-ended, and we can only assume that he’s miserable in exile. His cushy life of seafood banquets and expensive cigars is over - he has no suitcase, no friends, no home, and presumably a very finite amount of money (my head-canon is he’ll have to sell his nice watch). I imagine he won’t be able to return to Portugal, at least not for the foreseeable future. Not exactly the punishment he deserves, but still a punishment.
Imho, the show does humanise João Diogo a lot, but not with the goal of trying to make him sympathetic. Rather, it humanises him to show that he’s kind of an ineffectual loser who isn’t nearly as cool as he acts and doesn’t have nearly as much power as he thinks he does. Which is the kind of humanisation I can get behind. They’re not softening his personality or downplaying the severity of the crime he committed that night - rather, they’re stripping away his façade of strength to expose the weakness beneath.
I did have a peek at the book (via Google Translate) to see how it compares to the show. João Diogo is definitely an important character in terms of what he and Zé Maria did to Eva, but afaik he only appears a couple of times and is mostly just mentioned by other characters. His actions loom large over the plot, but he himself remains mostly out of focus. In the show, they’ve greatly expanded his appearances, giving him multiple scenes which in the book were only implied or didn’t happen at all. So they’ve done a good job of taking a fairly absent character and giving him solid characterisation and screentime. It’s what José deserves.
Overall I think this was a good show, it’s a bit of a slow burn but it’s perfectly acted, well-shot, and the droning score is imbued with a sense of dread. The naturalistic lighting, patient pace, and moments of uncomfortable quiet make it feel more real, which adds to the anxiety.
Filipe Madruga himself is a complicated and very human character with a broad range of emotions written on his face - he’s mild-mannered, loving, guilt-ridden, anxious, righteous, and bitter. You sympathise with the situation he’s in, but he’s not a one-note pleasant hero or downtrodden victim - he has a lot of barely repressed anger and is capable of pushing back against much bigger enemies.
Also he’s played by Rafael Morais, who is cute and talented and a long-time friend / collaborator of José, and I’m looking forward to their reunion in Jones where their vibes couldn’t be more different from here lol.
If you like his performance, you should check out A Cup of Coffee and New Shoes On, where he and his real-life twin Edgar Morais play twin brothers who are deaf, mute, and then find out that they’re both going blind and there’s no cure. They are extremely close and inseparable, so losing the ability to see and take care of each other is torturous for them. The whole film has a quiet, painful, physical intimacy that kinda reminded me of Al Berto, though obviously the relationship dynamic is different. I’m sure the fact that they’re real brothers helped make their interactions feel natural and convincing.
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every time i put on the lost soundtrack (which still happens frequently) i wind up plotting more of my 1899 lost AU and like that is a project that is so vast and massive and also. would be so fun for me personally
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This is literally what people are talking about when they say AI will be used to mainstream widely held bigotry. LLMs are trained on frequency and probability -> straight relationships are more well represented in the dataset -> straight pronouns and terms become the "correct" normal.
This is a form of backdoor bigotry from both normative facts (there are more straight than gay relationships) and well represented bigoted beliefs (men are superior to women).
Combine this with the mass of people inclined to believe (and being encouraged to believe) that if AI says and does something it must be correct
One of the best things about being a writer is thinking of something small you can add to your work that’s just. Devastating. Like you’re sitting there going. Oh. That would be diabolical. People would get really riled up about that. Exquisite. Let’s do it.
I’m watching that documentary “Before Stonewall” about gay history pre-1969, and uncovered something which I think is interesting.
The documentary includes a brief clip of a 1954 televised newscast about the rise of homosexuality. The host of the program interviewed psychologists, a police officer, and one “known homosexual”. The “known homosexual” is 22 years old. He identifies himself as Curtis White, which is a pseudonym; his name is actually Dale Olson.
So I tracked down the newscast. According to what I can find, Dale Olson may have been the first gay man to appear openly on television and defend his sexual orientation. He explains that there’s nothing wrong with him mentally and he’s never been arrested. When asked whether he’d take a cure if it existed, he says no. When asked whether his family knows he’s gay, he says that they didn’t up until tonight, but he guesses they’re going to find out, and he’ll probably be fired from his job as well. So of course the host is like …why are you doing this interview then? and Dale Olson, cool as cucumber pie, says “I think that this way I can be a little useful to someone besides myself.”
1954. 22 years old. Balls of pure titanium.
Despite the pseudonym, Dale’s boss did indeed recognize him from the TV program, and he was promptly fired the next day. He wrote into ONE magazine six months later to reassure readers that he had gotten a new job at a higher salary.
Curious about what became of him, I looked into his life a little further. It turns out that he ultimately became a very successful publicity agent. He promoted the Rocky movies and Superman. Not only that, but get this: Dale represented Rock Hudson, and he was the person who convinced him to disclose that he had AIDS! He wrote the statement Rock read. And as we know, Rock Hudson’s disclosure had a very significant effect on the national conversation about AIDS in the U.S.
It appears that no one has made the connection between Dale Olson the publicity agent instrumental in the AIDS debate and Dale Olson the 22-year-old first openly gay man on TV. So I thought I’d make it. For Pride month, an unsung gay hero.
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josephine in haven talking about having diplomatic attachés. i am so enthralled by the concept of a haven-era diplomatic attaché for the inquisition. what do these theoretical people think the inquisition is standing for when josephine’s still asking me whether or not we should say i’m the herald. how do they extol the virtues of the inquisition’s plans and leadership to educated powerful people when i am in the war room knowing we do not have things like “plans” or “leadership” and also we’re about to completely out of left field ally with the mage rebellion because the upstart nobody is the only one at the table actually willing to make literally any decision. how did they explain THAT one after the fact. what could drive a person to stake their credibility on this enterprise when i can only assume they have to just make things up to say or frantically dodge questions. fascinating stuff.
i’m always wondering this about the spies. i guess they’re just leliana’s people she carried over from serving justinia and they’re being sold that this is justinia’s legacy, but still, how are you willing to defy death and conceal your identity and betray and scrape together information for an organisation that might fully ally with the templars or the mages. and you have no data on which. completely alternate politics. you just sacrifice everything and then see how it randomly turns out?? or i’m thinking abt like, the recruiters. what are the recruiters getting told from up top to say to the potential soldiers. is it just dealer’s choice whether you convince people the herald is for real or not
For the fourth year in a row now, it's time for Small Fandom Summer! Join me for Small Fandom Summer! It's real easy to play:
Make a fanwork for something that has fewer than 1000 English-language works on AO3
Post it to AO3
And then you've done it! You've made a thing and you've diversified the fandom ecosystem! You're basically a hero.
Q: The fandom I want to create for has more than 1000 English-language works on AO3, but the specific pairing I want to write for has fewer than that. Does that count?
A: Yes!
Q: What if it has more than 1000 English-language works on AO3, but, like, just barely?
A: Okay!
Q: What if it actually has a lot more than 1000 English-language works on AO3, but it still feels small?
A: Sure!
Q: What if I don't want to post it to AO3? What if I don't even have an AO3 account? Can I post it somewhere else?
A: Wherever!
Q: What if--
A: Just do a thing, friend. Make a thing. Share the thing. This is not meant to be restrictive; this is meant to be inspirational. Create the fanworks you want to see in the world. Make a stranger happy by appealing to their niche interests. Bring joy.
And if you want to give yourself some silly little Steam-like achievement badges to commemorate your accomplishments, well, you're in luck! I've made a bunch of them right here! You can grab the ones that apply to your work and paste them wherever you like and feel good about what you've done. Here's a few of my favorites:
So you see? This is meant to be silly and fun.
There's nowhere to sign up. There's nothing to commit to. There's zero pressure. You just do it if you do it, and don't if you don't. But if you do want to play (yay!), tag your stuff with #small fandom summer so we can all swoop in and appreciate everyone else's efforts.