deathly july

fuck it’s august??? what’s next? 2022???? can’t do this anymore

College AU Russian studies major Shane Hollander forgets to tell the fuckbuddy he met through his speaking tutor Svetlana Vetrova that he is fluent in Russian and that he understands phrases like "you're so fucking perfect" and "you have ruined me" and "you look like a sexy librarian you perfect slut"

no one talks about how straight up painful it is to be the bigger person when deep in your soul you just want to be a huge bitch about it

everyone post your biggest hear me outs my friend just showed me two conventionally attractive white men in a row i need to teach him what a real hear me out is

baseball in essence is a game about you trying to throw your friend a ball but some asshole wont stop trying to knock your ball as far as fuck away as possible because he's a bad person

If you went to a bar and the bartender was a mousegirl you could ask for a drink and she would balance it on her head and say "for you, it's on the mouse"

the crazy thing about this is that it took one single word to turn it horny. coulda been a normal cute post. coulda taken the high road & conjured a delightful image of a mouse scampering down the bar with a beer ten times its size balanced on its head. but you had to say "mousegirl" and not "mouse." don't pretend this isn't what's going on either i know the score i know what's up. i'm familiar with this sort of semantic trick. you want to fuck down on an anime girl with certain characteristics of a rodent and everyone's gotta know.

Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis

Yknow what I LOVE about the Star Trek fandom? It’s ANCIENT. I had a talk with a nice old lady at the old persons home that my great grandma is in and she noticed my Spock shirt and was like “oh I love that show I thought the premise was lovely” and you all know THE PREMISE is trekspeak for spirk and I was like “do you accept the premise because I do” and she looked at me with the eyes of someone who is reliving their otp moments and she said “the premise is all I wrote about, dear” and we just talked about spirk for a hella long time and I just love how age doesn’t matter in this fandom you can be ninety and still be the biggest spirk bitch ever how rad is that

I was today years old when I learned that particular euphemism

I was also today years old. Fandom codes man

Reblogging to spread knowledge about the Premise, because I absolutely love that bit of fandom, and I want to make sure that it survives. (and yay to everyone who is part of today’s 10,000!)

Um actually scrub daddy is my comfort character and it physically and psychically hurts me to see you chop him up and eat him after freezing and cracking him up with liquid nitrogen while naked with big boobs?

Ill be a star

This post is how I've learned that the sexual meaning of "spit roast" has now become more well known than the literal meaning of roasting something on a spit, and the slangy way of using it to describe an ass kicking or a humiliating defeat is completely forgotten

legend tells of a mysterious being called “nuance” that allows multiple things to be true at the same time. some say you can still hear its voice whispering in the trees