chaotic shitposting

Daily affirmations for tesla owners: your car is ugly as hell and everyone hates you

btw with email u dont have to lick the envelope. i know a lot of people have been doing that and its fine and all but you dont acrtually have to do that with email.

thats total bullshit officer how was I supposed to know you couldnt drive crossfaded? Give me your fucking gun and ill show you how a real man tongues the inside of the barrel

Best brain hack is taking “this too shall pass” and applying it in the micro. The panic you feel from an argument with a friend, wanting to get on your phone when you should be studying, the absolute obsession with someone you’re crushing on, pain from rejection, utter hopelessness at a situation that is not entirely hopeless. Heavy on situations that induce panic and incentivize you to act out of turn, maybe to send a text you shouldn’t be sending or to blow up at someone or whatever it is. The antidote to knee jerk reactions is literally just “this too shall pass” and allowing yourself to feel the physical manifestation of your extreme emotion. Literally just ride it out. Even for things that can’t immediately be resolved, it makes such a big difference and prevents you from reacting in ways that you would undoubtedly regret down the line.

Is this still available?

free use is kind of a funny kink bc it relies on the idea that everybody wants to touch you and have sex with you but what if they don't. what if you tell everybody at the party you're free use but they all ignore you and mind their own business

Free Use means you sit in my car so I can take the carpool lane

*preparing to go outside* i’m normal. i know how to cross the street. i avoid eye contact in an organic non weird way, as if i simply do not notice fellow pedestrians.

are you in the top 1% of listeners or are you normal

Just casually stumbling across the #1 music listener in the US on tumblr.com. What other website does it like this

"Medieval Christians would have gone nuts for protons, neutrons, and electrons for trinity reasons" sounds like a jokey oversimplification historypost but I cannot really articulate how true that is. They would never shut up about it.

“A church”?? That’s Old North Church! That’s THE church where the lanterns were lit.

me every time i take a sip of my cappuccino: do they know it's called cappuccino because the color is similar to the sackcloth worn by capuchin friars (cappuccini). do they know capuchin friars got their name from the hood (cappuccio) they wear. do they know cappuccino is a double diminutive as it comes from capo ('robe') + uccio = cappuccio ('hood' but literally 'little robe') + ino = cappuccino ('tiny hood' but literally 'tiny little robe'). do they know

guy making a new coffee drink as well as guy identifying a new monkey: yo that’s kinda like the monks

Me every time someone mentions biological cells: do they know those are called cells because they reminded people of the monastic cells some monks lived in. Do they know a scientist made the most powerful microscope of the time period and looked at something and went “wow those look like tiny monk apartments”. Do they know it came from a Latin word for room (cella) which in turn spawned a French word meaning an individual living space (celle)

living in one of those free use public sex kinda hentai but no one wants to have sex with me so i mostly just stay home and post. i look outside and sigh wistfully at the sight of a woman getting eaten out so hard she somehow cums twice in one moment and then close my blinds so i can focus on cookie clicker

Charles guiteau

The man who assassinated James Garfield??????

I will always love how you can learn things that your history class failed to teach you from shitposts on this site. Never change.

You don’t get knowledge delivered like this on other webbed sites and apps.