chaotic shitposting

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@massachusetts-official

Lol just found McDonald's doordash on someone's doorstep #hunter #gatherer

That’s literally gathering not hunting or did your dumpy ass kill the burger yourself

I killed the dasher

Okay W

The thing they don't tell you about fried egg runny yolk is that if you put it in a sandwich it will be the best most delicious thing and you can mop up the egg with the bread, but in exchange you Will get so so messy and covered in egg yolk

image description: two simple ms paint drawings of people eating. images of fried egg sandwiches have been added near their mouths, and orange egg yolk puddles are drawn around them. text at the top reads 'Me eating runny egg sandwich'. end ID

It is so disingenuous when supermarkets have "grown by: Farmer X" on their packaging because it's like, I'll be looking at a pack of strawberries grown by farmer x and he'll actually be the managing director of a fruit farm that employs 2,000 people as pickers!

"a factory owner where the factory is made of dirt" is an excellent summation that also gives me a slight but acute pang of existential dissociation

anyways (I say this as someone who is deeply critical of the united states government, military, unchecked capitalism, police, etc) I am SICK of people treating america as if it has no cultural value or positives so….. I love u 85 million acres (bigger than italy) of national parks. I love u harlem renaissance. I love u groundhogs day. I love u sweet tea and fried chicken and jambalaya. I love u apple cider donuts and maizes on crisp autumn days. I love u 95k miles of coastlines and new england fisherman and hand knitted sweaters. I love u halloween where millions of people dress up and give candy to strangers and carve jack o’lanterns. I love u small talk and small towns and potlucks and bringing over casseroles to your struggling neighbors. I love u cowboys and ranch hands and arizonian cactus. I love u appalachian trail and dirtbikes and divebars. I love u sparklers and fireflies. I love u mark twain and toni morrison and emily dickinson and henry david thoreau. I love u rock n roll i love u bluegrass and hippies i love u jimi hendrix and nirvana and CCR and janis joplin. I love u victorian houses and jonny appleseed and john henry and mothman and bigfoot. I love u foggy days in the pacific northwest and neon signs and roadside attractions. I love u baseball and 1950s diners and soft serve. I love u native american art and pop art and poptarts. I love u blue jeans and barbecues and jazz musicians 

Remember that xkcd about how Google searches are shit now? What if we made them even worse for no reason?

I will vote for any candidate who promises to go scorched fucking earth on every tech company. Break every single one of them up into companies based around a single product and then split those in thirds. Weaponize existing antitrust laws to the hilt and pass the most draconian versions of them ever seen on this planet. Nationalize google search specifically. Pass consumer privacy protections strict enough to kill the data harvesting industry for good. Make all of these fuckers go bankrupt for this rent-seeking shit

I wish the whole world could know that a lot of male spiders have what's called pedipalps which have a bunch of uses especially when it comes to the ladies (iykyk), and that little spider crawling up your wall does not have ginormous fangs and in fact he is just a little guy literally. So like most times when people freak out at "huge fangs" on a house spider, they can relax, because they are not a lady spider (probably) and don't have sexy arachnid seminal receptacles (again, probably) so he doesn't want to put his little scoopers on you.

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