Mixed-race non-binary queer, social justice hooligan, fannish elder and nerdy butch. Here there be intersectionality, fannish shenanigans, queerness, silliness, politics, and scribbling when I can manage it.
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Every day I am haunted by the fact that Jupiter Ascending was not based off of a million word space opera fantasy book series and that I cannot go to the library and take out like six door-stopper sized volumes of sheer unhinged gendervibes-y space werewolf bee queen batshittery where every new freudian space eugenicist villain talks like he's trying to eat the scenery's pussy out harder than the last guy. 😔
This has been my main argument against "AI" from the very beginning.
OpenAI scraped the entire web. All of which had been a labor of love from humans. Wikipedia is the backbone of a lot of LLMs, and that was volunteer human labor. They stole it and now they're selling it back to us.
And worse, they're trying to destroy the free sources that they stole from. It's destruction of human knowledge on an unprecedented scale. The burning of the library of Alexandria has nothing on this.
So it's national Recreational Explosives, Hand Loss and Wildfire day, and unlike 2023, there is nary a drop of rain in sight.
Despite being slapped upside the head by God, my put technically inclined neighbor has acquired TWO pallets of fireworks this year.
The state is of no help: my city police department has made it pretty clear they don't intend to respond to any fireworks calls this weekend. I've sent the pictures I took to the county tipline and received and automated email reply saying that it will take several weeks to process my case. Perhaps he will get jail time later, but this does not actually you know. Stop him from setting the neighborhood ablaze. Going up to his door the week prior and very politely asking him to move- not cancel, just relocate - his celebrations was met with calling me a "nosy bitch" and "I'll set one off in your ass!".
Sometimes God needs us to make our own miracles.
My miracle comes with several layers, and plenty of opportunities to back down without losing face. We'll see how many are needed.
The first wave has already been deployed: a psyop directed at the Visiting Mother In Law of the miscreant.
I got up at 8:30 AM this morning to make sure I'd be in the front yard of my house, casually doing yardwork with Herschel. His participation was essential.
For those of you who are new here, Herschel is the world's most charming Cardigan Welsh Crime Tube, who thinks everyone in the world is his best friend and that people come to the house to see him specifically. So at 9:04 AM when the visiting mother-in-law appeared around the corner on her daily power-walk around the block, Herschel employed his natural Corgi instinct to make friends with everyone and cheerfully tossed himself on the sidewalk in front of her, belly up for expected tummy rubs.
"OH AREN'T YOU DARLING!!" My target coos, kneeling down to pat him while he makes him like snuffling noises of glee. She is at least 70. I think her bright pink leg warmers and terrycloth headband might be original from her jazzercise days.
"I'm so sorry! Herschel you're going to trip people doing that!" I apologize, going up to greet the woman. "I'm [REDACTED], I don't think we've met..?"
"No, I'm just visiting my daughter and her family- my name is Barbara. And who is this?" She asks Herschel, whose whole back end is waggling with glee.
"This is my service dog Herschel." I explain while he rolls around on the pavement. "I just wanted him to get some time outside before the pyrotechnics start."
"Oh. Yes." Barbra grumbles and I know I've got her. "My son-in-law is planning something extravagant." She says with such disdain it practically comes out of her nose. This is a woman who loves her daughter and dearly wishes she married someone, anyone else.
"Yeah, he got rained out and sick the last two years, so I think he's compensating." I agree.
"Oh he's definitely overcompensating!" Barbra spits, then shakes her whole body like a dog. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't complain. You said he's a service dog?"
I go for it.
"Yeah! I have... Neurological problems." I say and that is technically true. "I've um. Lost a lot of things, like a sense of time, or appetite, and his job is to remind me to eat or take my meds or alerts that I'm having an episode. My personal dog-tor!" I say, patting his adorable little head, and he leans on me, equally adoring.
"Oh, is that why-?" Barbra starts to ask, gesturing at the top of her head, but stops herself.
I hadn't planned this, but yesterday I'd shaved my head to deal with the heat and now only have a quarter inch of hair, which doesn't really hide the scars from when I got run over by a minivan. They're bright red with the heat and exertion of yard work.
I decide I'm okay with lying to a stranger to prevent my house from being set ablaze.
I sort of... Crumple to the ground and drop the rake I was holding, and Herschel immediately climbs into my lap to comfort me as I start to cry.
"Oh my God." Says Barbra.
"I'm sorry!" I gasp, tears streaming down my face. I've been stressed and this is honestly very cathartic. "I'm sorry to dump on you, I'm just so scared-!"
"Oh my God. It's bad." Barbra realizes.
"D- do you know what-" a pause as Herschel tries to manually clear my nostrils like a good service dog. "-oh, Herschel... It's - do you know what an astrocytoma* is?"
*An astrocytoma is a type of brain tumor.
Barbra turns white and sits down next to me. "I'm so sorry... I- one of my friends from church had one, it was agony but she's alright now!" She tries to reassure me.
"It hurts! Everything hurts all the time!" I sob. "And- and I'm scared, so he's scared and I feel bad for hi which just makes it worse and then there's the-" I gesture at the sky. "I have surgery in a month to remove as much of it as they can and do biopsies to see if I need radiation too but..."
"-but all that noise must be Hell on you and your doggy." Barbra nods.
"It'd be fine if he went down to the lake of something but, that house's driveway is like, a hundred feet from my bedroom, I can't sleep and it TERRIFIES Herschel..." I whimper pathetically.
"Well. I may be able to do something about that." Barbra decides.
"Oh no, I don't want to intrude!" I mock-protest.
"No, we're the ones intruding dear. I'll have words with him." She growls. I get the impression she's been waiting for an excuse To Have Words With Him.
"Th-thank you. Um. It's getting hot and I'm a mess, we should probably go inside..." I mutter and Barbra very kindly helps me and Herschel to the front door and tells me she'll be by later with watermelon as we wave goodbye.
From the porch, I watch her furiously power-walk back to her daughter's house, wrench open the front door, and issue a battle cry of "HEN-RY!!!" before it slams behind her.
Now I realize that this may not have been the most honest or ethical thing to do, but I figured it's more polite and ethical than the next step, which is chemical warfare, courtesy of Bath & Body Works :)
Well, they Psyop seems to have worked! That cul-de-sac, and indeed my entire block is perfectly quiet tonight!
Unfortunately I cannot say the same of the surrounding neighborhood, so it has been necessary to deploy The Stench.
The Stench is a mixture of Odoriferous chemicals meant to be discreetly poured over a surface (preferably something hot, like a sidewalk or fence in direct sunlight) to render an area temporarily uninhabitable, Similar to spraying coyote pee on your garden to discourage the rabbits. I can't give you a full recipe because I forgot to take notes, but elements include:
Spoiled beef broth, which is both rancid and unexpectedly sour (boiled to kill bacteria)
Expired milk, the most retch-inducing ingredient for me.
Several bottles of Liquid Ass
Ghost Pepper Hot Sauce
Concentrated Dog Urine
and FOUR bottles of Bath & Body Work's Cucumber Melon, which smells light and fruity when used as a light body spray, but in concentration smells like an entire fruit cart left to rot, possibly along with the carcass of the fruitseller.
The resulting solution smells like raw sewage, a fraternity dorm fridge when the power's been out for a week, and a roadkilled skunk. It's impressively vile. Herschel wanted to roll in it so bad.
I've spent the last few hours strolling the surrounding neighborhoods until I found the source of the mortars and flying explosives that are the real hazards, ingratiating myself into the parties, and discreetly dousing the lawns and fences nearby until someone goes "OH GOD!" and gags, and the party breaks up shortly thereafter. I returned home because I ran out of The Stench, despite hiding five 2L soda bottles of it in a backpack.
I will call it a success though, because while I can hear fireworks, they're all at least a mile away from me. In total:
Fire Hazard Parties derailed: 13
Screaming: 10
Crying: 13
Vomiting: 4
Fight blaming each other for causing The Stench: 5
Called the city to complain about The Stench, on the assumption it was a sewage issue, and then waited right next to their pile of illegal fireworks, for the fire department to show up: 2.
Guy who claimed to be enjoying the smell: 1
Party was partially derailed by The Stench, and partly by the fact they actually did start a fire: 1 (every human was alright, the pyro's roof, not as much)
Stray dogs caught and returned home: 2
So next year: MORE STENCH.
Until then, I have a corgi zooted on trazadone on my feet, and we bid you goodnight.
(If you would like to support a disabled storyteller and/or fund more stench research, you can donate to my Ko-fi or pre-order my Family Lore book on Patreon)
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people will really come into kink spaces and say you can't forcefem women like there wasn't a feature length movie about an elderly gay man forcefemming a woman as part of scheme to thwart an elaborate assassination attempt before the killer even determined their target
I was just thinking of the "Being agreeable never did a woman any good for the new "Sense & Sensibility" movie and how you and others have pointed out that the novel's message is partly just the opposite: that Marianne needs to learn to be more agreeable and proper, which is equated with being sensible. It made me think of a "feminist" complaint that I've read about Austen in the past: that in her novels, the quiet, reserved, proper heroines (Elinor Dashwood, Fanny Price, Anne Elliot) are the ones who are portrayed as always right, while the bolder, livelier, less ladylike heroines (Marianne Dashwood, Elizabeth Bennet, Catherine Morland, Emma Woodhouse) are portrayed as more flawed and in need of a moral lesson. So maybe Austen was more conservative in her views on appropriate female behavior than we sometimes want her to have been. Would you agree?
I don't really agree, because what we see again and again in Austen is that the heroines who act the most proper also seem to carry the most pain.
Elinor Dashwood suffers alone in complete silence, not reaching out to her family. Anne Elliot wastes away at Kellynch, ignored and unappreciated. Fanny Price's story is genuinely hard to read. I'll add Jane Bennet, she behaves exactly as a modest woman should and still suffers. Jane Fairfax probably fits in here somewhere.
They may be right, but it doesn't actually help them.
Elizabeth Bennet's lesson isn't to be more like Jane, it's to reserve judgment and examine her cynicism. Catherine Morland just needs to grow up, it isn't about being feminine or not or even more well-behaved. Emma Woodhouse has to demonstrate compassion worthy of her high station. And even Marianne, it's more about not causing her family so much pain by proxy and assuming that those who don't show pain can't be feeling it.
I think Jane Austen's feminism is in showing women as fully formed and fleshed out "rational creatures" with just as much interiority and intelligence as men. I think she also shows that no matter where women are placed in gentry society, from governess-to-be Jane Fairfax and poor relation Fanny Price to the rich Emma Woodhouse and high rank Anne Elliot, that they are generally at the mercy of the men around them. They are expected to marry and often must for survival, but cannot control the circumstances around that, except behaving as they can within the constraints of society.
Sure, Jane Austen is more conservative, she doesn't seem to want to burn it all down, but she's not happy and her heroines, all of them I think, have ways in which they push back or show flaws in the system they exist in.
Also, see this post:
💬 54 🔁 13743 ❤️ 19513 · tbh nothing frustrates me more then when people brush off classics like pride and prejudice or jane eyre because t
"Agreeable" in the general sense of "women must be more agreeable to men/society" that the original question implies is maybe the silliest blanket misreading of Austen I've ever seen.
It isn't that Lizzy Bennet needs to be more "agreeable" to Darcy, it's that she mistakes Wickham's surface charm as evidence of a good heart and Darcy's pride and arrogance as a sign of a cruel one. She has to work on her judgement of people so she won't be conned or make mistakes like her parents, who made a bad marriage and continue to mess up, re: their daughters' lives (note that it's Lizzy who tries to correctly advise her father about Lydia's safety). Darcy has his own independent character arc of evolving from more flawed to less.
Knightley isn't asking Emma to be more agreeable as a woman, he's asking her to be better towards the poor as his peer and not treat people as her playthings because she has power. As the two leaders of their community (Emma is the wealthiest person in town and her father has abdicated his leadership to her; Knightley owns the most land), he directly says the Regency equivalent of 'it's fine for us to joke about other rich people or be open with each other about our petty annoyances in private, but not okay for us to make life harder on the people making $7/hr to their faces, Emma.' It's about Emma's privilege, not her gender.
Anne Eliot isn't rewarded for being agreeable; she yields to the person she regards as a surrogate mom on the (not unreasonable) point that she shouldn't marry the young, impulsive guy with no savings and then spends most of the next decade being miserable and horribly lonely. The lesson is that she should have valued her feelings more, not less--but that doesn't mean Austen negates the original difficulty. There are several characters who follow their hearts and meet with misfortune, anyway (Mrs. Smith, the Harvilles aren't as lucky as Wentworth and the Crofts). Ultimately, Anne realizes she'd rather have that risk with someone she genuinely cares for like Wentworth than a "safer" life as Lady Eliot with a man she doesn't love or respect. How's that being more agreeable? If anyone becomes more agreeable, it's actually Wentworth. He comes to regret his pride and pettiness towards Anne because he held onto resentment from the original rejection.
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Every once in a while I think about this guy and I think about the fact that people know him from Moonlight or Luke Cage or what have you and all I can think is "oh, that guy from Crossing Jordan."
“If the narcs think I’m gonna stop baking brownies for my kids with AIDS, they can go fuck themselves in Macy’s window!”
Mary Jane Rathbun (1922-1999) was raised in Minneapolis and later became known as "Brownie Mary" in San Francisco as the Godmother of the medical marijuana movement.
hey I think your writings on disorderly eating are really interesting and wondering if you have book/reading recs for more stuff along those lines? trying to read my way out of an eating disorder I guess and I’ve read a lot of nonfiction, memoirs, fiction, but bristling at a good deal of it being pro-carceral
hi anon, so, after 20 years of EDs and 13 diagnosed, i can confidently say that you can't read your way out of an eating disorder. confidently because i've read thousands of books and would definitely not be in this position if such a thing was possible. only way to get out of the hole (not your grave) is to prioritize your own comfort, fullness, friendship, and self-respect, and surround yourself with people who wholeheartedly want the same for you, including when it is messy and inconveniences them. this may not cure you but it'll make you feel way less shitty, and you should try it in the ways that you can. phd doctor's orders suggestion.
anyway. some books! my novel Failure to Comply and collection Differential Diagnosis (esp. the latter) discuss disorderly eating, autonomy, harm reduction, violence. I also wrote this call to action for non-fat, ED-having accomplices to fat liberation such as myself, for @trans-axolotl's psych survivor zine. So if you like my writing and haven't read those yet, you can start there. Here are a few others:
Franz Kafka, A Hunger Artist (THE BLUEPRINT!!!!)
Adam Dickinson, Anatomic
Megan Milks, Margaret and the Mystery of the Missing Body
I also just got proofs back of a peer-reviewed article on disorderly eating my colleague and I are going to have published in the fall. Feel free to dm me your email and I can send it to you. Some pieces you might like from the bibliography:
Anderson, Patrick. So Much Wasted: Hunger, Performance, and the Morbidity of Resistance. Durham: Duke up, 2010.
Atherton, Emma. “Moralizing Hunger: Cultural Fatphobia and the Moral Language of Contemporary Diet Culture.” Feminist Philosophy Quarterly 7.3 (2021): 1–36.
Berlant, Lauren, and Jordan Alexander Stein. “Cruising Veganism.” glq 21.1 (2015): 18–23.
Bell, Mebbie. “Re/Forming the Anorexic ‘Prisoner’: Inpatient Medical Treatment as the Return to Panoptic Femininity.” Cultural Studies ↔ Critical Methodologies 6.2 (2006): 282–307.
Bell, Rudolph M. Holy Anorexia. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2014.
Heyes, Cressida J. “Foucault Goes to Weight Watchers.” Hypatia 21.2 (2006): 126–49.
Holmes, Su, Helen Malson, and Joanna Semlyen. “Regulating ‘Untrustworthy Patients’: Constructions of ‘Trust’ and ‘Distrust’ in Accounts of Inpatient Treatment for Anorexia.” Feminism and Psychology 31.1 (2021): 41–61.
Ramjan, L. M., and Gill, B. I. “An Inpatient Program for Adolescents with Anorexia Experienced as a Metaphoric Prison.” ajn: The American Journal of Nursing 112.8 (2012): 24–33.
Stapleton, Karyn, Sarah L. Evans, and Catrin S. Rhys. “Ana as God: Religion, Interdiscursivity and Identity on Pro-Ana Websites.” Discourse and Communication 13.3 (2019): 320–41.
There's also the IMSJ's special issue on critical ED studies, such as it is, but I haven't read all of these and can't vouch for whether or not they're any good. Worth a look still!
For a less academic, more self-help-y read, I’ve been somewhat pleasantly surprised by Reclaiming Body Trust: A Path to Healing And Liberation by Hilary Kinavey and Dana Stuartevant. Both authors started their careers at carceral ed treatment centers, became disillusioned, quit, and turned to focus on structural issues of body liberation. It’s an interesting perspective.
I kind of also like How to Nourish Yourself Through An Eating Disorder by Casey Crosbie. It’s very practical and doesn’t assume that you have any external help or support (which is nice, because I often don’t).
It’s a rough read in multiple ways, but Sick Enough by Dr. Jennifer Gaudiani helped me understand the physical harm that eating disorders can do, even if i wasn’t technically “underweight.” It went a long way in helping me take my situation seriously. Gaudiani leads the ACUTE Center for severe eating disorders, so she is both extremely medically knowledgeable and in cahoots with carceral systems.
It helped me to learn about: enmeshment, people pleasing, parentification, childhood emotional neglect, codependency, boundaries, IFS and other forms of parts work, ACT (there’s a good ACT daily journal), and inner child work. On IG, @yourwisemomfriend is phenomenal at inner child stuff.
The Full Plate Podcast with Abby Attwood is pretty good. Episode #163 on the value of dissociation REALLY helped me understand what restriction was doing FOR me psychologically and emotionally. I even transcribed two pages of it into my journal so that I could refer back to it.
But I agree with @librarycards that if books could heal us, it would have happened by now lol. If logic and reasoning, my moral and ethical values, or any amount of book knowledge could take my anorexia away… it would be gone forever before the end of this sentence.
Unfortunately, you do need other people/closeness/community/emotional intimacy/reciprocity to heal, which is very annoying.
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