Ebon

still annoyed my mom threw out my wisdom teeth. you don't just RECYCLE SOMEONE'S TEETH, MOTHER

My sister got our cousin’s baby teeth (both graduated from college at this point) for Christmas and they were perturbed to say the least

always, this website beckons me back with its siren song

The doctors tried to throw my teeth out but in a drug induced fog I demanded them back so the fey couldn't cast spells on me. Also I was rambling about not knowing where my knives were...

“I don’t put politics in my stories” is the literary equivalent of a cishet guy going “I don’t have pronouns”

I swear, if that skeleton tutor I hired to help me learn necromancy tells me to "bone up on [my] studies" one more time..."

Do you need help boning up on your tutor?

Guys I went to the adventurer's guild over the castle zoning thing and they fucking attacked me Like im a monster or something

Try rezoning the surrounding land to "blackened earth where no living thing dares tread for a hundred years"

No, no, the land surrounding your castle. Rezone it yourself if they won't.

I like my fuckin neighbors

Join the guild. So long as you're paying the membership dues they don't touch you.

(flight intercom) this is the pilot speaking. yeah we expect todays flight to be normal. um if you look out your window you shouldnt see the skull

(wizard intercom) good evening passengers. this is the wizard speaking. boy do i have a treat for you

mri accident is literally one of my biggest anxiety freakouts. i dont care about being in the tiny loud tube, im so scared of a secret piece of metal i dont know about in my body will tear through me like a knife through butter. what if i ate a quarter in my sleep

Quarters George who eats a $10 roll of quarters every night is shredded into a fine mist my the MRI

My "you must put your pills in the pill calendar in order to remember to take them" I always at odds with my "don't wanna do that"

Put M&Ms or something similar in with the pills. As a little treat.

The wizard swap meet is unsettled by a rogue element. A warlock came in giving everyone free cookies of +2 constitution. Generosity of that degree is suspicious, so naturally I had to seal the guy in a crystal and run his cookies through and arcane spectrometer.

Truly the only honorable way forward. What did the spectrometer reveal? Foul play? Raisins?

Luckily, you sealed him. A lesser wizard would have killed this poor soul.

quick question how long would it take for you to realize you were stuck in a Time Loop, realistically

I can normally spot a time loop within the first five minutes, but I've had a lot of practice

question! if a human gets simultaneously bitten by a vampire, a zombie, and a werewolf, what's the end result?

If the vampire drains their blood then they end up as a vampire. The zombie virus would need more time to spread. Being a werewolf requires you to be alive so it wouldn't do anything in this case. If the vampire doesn't kill them then they will become a werewolf, until they succumb to the zombie virus and die, at which point they cease to be a werewolf. There is also the chance that becoming a werewolf and shifting on the full moon curses any diseases/effects of the zombie virus and they can live a full life as a werewolf.

Can't be hydroflouric acid, that is one of the few acid that can absolutely eat through glass

THAT'S NOT THE POINT

The point is that monsters don’t need conventional forms to be loved. And also maybe not all townspeople need to keep their original flesh if they’re being rude to wizards…

I'M IN DANGER

In danger of falling in love with Mr. Sticky…

If you get your roommate killed, can you take mine as a replacement?

I have no flesh or bones for Mr. Sticky to dissolve!

Oh yeah. I need to get those back.

i think what’s on a person’s nightstand is very telling so reblog this and put in the tags the things you have on your nightstand

[Image description: a comment by tagrasso which says: Add to it by occasionally making comments like “there is a debt that needs to be settled” and “they will get what they deserve”]