dynjay

a second toby fox fanfiction has hit the sexyman polls

im not fucking joking i just found a women want me fish fear me hat on the ground

I do think part of the thing that makes reigen such a motivation powerhouse for fans is what a fucking loser he is and that he'd say to your face he's disappointed in you. How do you recover from a guy who's only friend is an autistic child he's conning child labor out of to be disappointed in you and being RIGHT? How's THAT guy doing better than me? Tch. Stupid. Guess I better do my stupid course work *kicks rocks*

bro people who complain about people still interested in things that are old?? “why are you it posting in 2025” bestie my mutuals are posting about black and white doctor who

Markiplier does on the surface seem like an odd choice for directing and starring in a serious scifi horror movie, but in terms of getting scared at a computer screen and dying badly in space, his resume is remarkably stacked.

hey. if someone tries to smear you on the internet for something asinine, what you need to do is block every single person engaging with the post and remind yourself that absolutely under no circumstances are you obligated to draft a PR response defending some out-of-context screenshot or kink fanfiction or thing you said when you were 15 or whatever put your blood in the water. you are not a public figure or a brand. you do not have to respond to something if you know in your heart it is bullshit.

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

Say what you want, the worst part to me is 24 hours in a mall part

Oh.

I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING AT THIS FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES STRAIGHT OH MY GODD

Except I can never NOT parse the “hieroglyphs” on the far right as reading “I dig that ass.” Which still works, TBH.