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and Ilya has to make a choice if he’s going to marry into a clearly INSANE family (Yuna has like 13 ongoing habitats)

it meant. snakes. coming out. and existing around him. so much around him.

shane just has spaghetti, but yuna has alfredo, ragu, and pesto.

alfredo, ragu, and pesto LOVE ilya.

david, having a lovely time doing this puzzle: no, none for me. i don't mind them, but snakes are just yuna's thing.

ilya, thanking a god he hasn't spoken to in years that at least there are not more snakes he doesn't know about inside this house with him: oh, that's-

david: no, for me it's just my lizards.

ilya:

yuna and david met at a reptile expo in college and used to joke about yuna being pregnant with a frog baby when shane got kicky in there, so shane's cutesy pet name when he was a kid was kermit

and she watches as ilya speedruns all of the stages of grief before he goes, "yes, of course. not a problem." (a liar who lies)

i don't CARE how many of my friends fall victim to the propaganda and talk about how cleansed and renewed they feel afterwards

like HELL will you EVER get me into an exercise done in ON-PURPOSE HOT ROOM

in addition to this, i know in my heart that yuna is so used to wearing her bird around that she has ABSOLUTELY left the house still wearing her without thinking about it

After Shane & Ilya's first joint Cup win a picture of them kissing on the ice ends up on the cover of Time and Ilya posts online like "yes yes it was a very nice photo @/unnamedphotographer but have any of you seen this one my father-in-law took named Madonna & Co-Critic" and Shane threatens bodily harm in his comments

I also can't help imagining someday in the future when Shane is the Centaurs' assistant GM or coach or consultant or whatever, Ilya comes by during an open practice and 20 minutes later he's blowing up the Hollander Fam groupchat like-

Ilya: DAVID DAVID DAVID DAVID Ilya: DAVID YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE THIS Ilya: [photo attached] [picture of Shane holding their two-year-old daughter, both of them watching the rink with identical judgmental expressions] Ilya: DAVID THIS IS THE BEST PICTURE I HAVE EVER TAKEN WHAT SHOULD I NAME IT

David is thrilled, Shane is unimpressed, Yuna maybe finally gets the hype because that's adorable

I'M SO GLAD OTHER PEOPLE LIKED IT BECAUSE IT'S TRULY ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS I'VE EVER WRITTEN

and oh my GOD THE IDEA!!! OF A SECOND ONE HAPPENING!! WITH SHANE AND THEIR DAUGHTER!!

I AM SCREAMING AND WAILING AND SHRIEKING!!

No questions, just appreciation, and a picture of my pet bird waffles who hates my guts despite me being the one who wanted him.

He can cat call, hail a taxi, sing you happy birthday, and bite the shit out of you. ❤️

I know we said Shane is Miko’s little brother whom she loves very dearly (read: heckles and annoys the shit out of him), but don’t you think Miko deserves a little sister? A girl HAS to have a sister!!

Yuna, who is part of a group of avid bird enthusiasts, learns about another bird who needs a new home. She’s the same species as Miko and her previous owner was also Japanese (this bird speaks Japanese!). There is no one else more perfect to take her then Yuna. So, one of Yuna’s friends from the group obviously had the great idea of mentioning this to her. Now Yuna can’t help but keep thinking about this bird who is all alone and needs a family.

“David! We have to! It’s destiny! Shane just moved out!”

(In this verse this obviously happens when Shane starting his rookie season)

So empty nesters Yuna and David acquire a second bird, Miko’s brand new little bird sister, Keiko.

Shane is not very happy when he ventures home for a long weekend and is swarmed by two birds shrieking his name.

“SHANE. SHANE. SHANE. SHANE.”

They sound practically demonic. Shane is very much NOT pleased at all. He now has to deal with double the trouble and teasing from his bird sisters.

Bird sisters. BIRD SISTERS. SISTERS. Sisters plural. He could cry.

Keiko has been learning from Miko, so now double the chaos ensues.

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

i love keiko the parrot (in multiple senses lmao) who doesn't know WHY they're screaming this word, but miko started doing it when this strange man walked through the door so sure!! she'll join!!! SHANE! SHANE! SHANE!

shane goes home to visit for the first time after they get keiko, opens the door to a wall of noise, and then just. shuts it.