just in glee

we're looking to create an AI policy, and when we were talking about this, my boss (older millennial) was genuinely shocked to hear that younger people do not (seem) to view AI positively (a la the recent commencement speakers being booed)

please rb for larger sample size!

Question 1/3

Thank you for helping with this data collection. Please rb for as big a sample as possible!

he and ilya are hanging out in the yard and some bees are buzzing around because some watermelon juice spilled on the ground earlier and shane suggests they go inside or rinse the juice off the patio and ilya teases him about being scared of little bees and shane SO nonchalantly just, "no, but i am allergic and you don't know where my epipen is"

and ilya

reblogging with my own tags because i'm also CACKLING imagining the implications of this not being specific to ilya, either. they're having a barbeque at hayden and jackie's house and hayden is good-naturedly encouraging shane to try a piece of coffee cake or something and ilya just goes, "no, bad for you"

and hayden IMMEDIATELY is on the defensive because what? you get to tell him what to eat now? where do you get o-

"no, bad for him because it has walnuts in it, pike. you want him to die? this is what you want?"

"what are you talking about?"

shane: "i'm allergic"

"??? since WHEN??"

"since always??"

"you've eaten over at my house HOW many times?? and never brought this up? the fuck, dude?"

"jackie knows"

the idea of ilya on instagram accidentally pressing like while DEEP in allergy mommy blogging territory and natalie from That Allergy Mama DMing him to be like "hi, my husband wants me to tell you he says hi and that he's a big fan and also that call against you against san francisco was bullshit." "hello, husband of natalie. also do you have any suggestions for substituting peanuts in this recipe?"

he gets filmed for a what i eat in a day/day in the life type video and is so used to thinking about substitutes at this point that he doesn't even think about it when he mentions them in passing. they keep an allergy friendly household so the stuff he mentions is compliant, but it's paired with comments like, "and then i add some wowbutter, which is soybeans and not peanuts. we also sometimes have sunflower seed butter, but the texture for this is better with the wowbutter. i have also tried this, what is it called-shane: the gross paste with beans" *shane, offscreen from the living room*: "chickpea butter?" "yes, this." "it's nasty" "yes, not good. their jar says it is, but it is not. anyway-"

A. the idea of ilya being lowkey stressed about shane surprising him and potentially being exposed to allergens is so fucking funny. ilya who ends up also keeping an allergy-friendly household PURELY because it's just less stressful that way. meanwhile the motherfucker WITH the allergies is SO fucking casual about it that it wouldn't even occur to him to ask ilya to do that.

B. when they're pushing the friendship cover, ilya gets nudge nudge jokes about trying to copy what hollander's doing, and he's not going to share information shane didn't greenlight to get out, so he just plays along. and now there's like. at least three other players lowkey accidentally following an allergy diet because they don't know it's an allergy diet. why do hollander and now rozanov not eat tree nuts? unclear, but they're also the best two players in the entire industry so it's worth a shot to copy them.

@lucky-santangelo ilya only getting five seconds of feeling smug and holier than thou before shane puts him on blast is KILLING me XD

shane groaning SO loud when ilya first breaks out the allergy cards because GOD ilya it's NOT that serious this is embarass-

oh? is this more or less embarassing than having allergic reaction in the middle of a restaurant and needing your epipen? hm? shut up and take the fucking shiny cards, hollander.

and riFUCKINGp to the restaurant that lied about not using peanut oil in their fryer as an angry, stressed ilya is stuck in a hospital lobby with wifi and a lot of energy that has nowhere to go until he's allowed to be back with his husband. you're DONE FOR.

GOD the psychic damage ilya takes the day he finds out body products can have allergens in them. his body wash company is getting a SCATHING email about fucking around with their formula when there are PEOPLE with ALLERGIES who RELY ON-

shane growing up who always got, "oh, you poor thing" from well-intentioned adults as a kid and then, "damn, i could NEVER live like that" from same-age peers when older whenever he had to explain his allergies, and it was both annoying and also felt like failing at something when he had to decline a piece of birthday cake or a slice of pizza because it wasn't safe for him.

but if he frames it as a performance diet, then suddenly! admiration! he gets some teasing obviously, but there's also an air of "good for you, man" that lands a lot easier than pity.

@riddlemaster101

i feel like shane would reliably tell medical people because this is a Rule for medical settings so yes of course he'll go into detail

GOD shane who just views food as something to check off a list, so yeah he just follows the recipe. it's the recipe that makes Safe Food. there's no thought involved in it. the recipe binder was a moving-out present from david full of recipes that would be safe for him, so shane just follows it exactly as written. food is a mentally exhausting thing for him, so he just obeys the Safe For Me Food Instructions because why wouldn't he?

For Part 1, see my post about Shane's boy band phase here

Shane nervously traces the rim of his water glass with his middle finger. Around him, the restaurant buzzes with activity, the clack of cleaned plates stacked by busy servers, the murmur of idle patrons awaiting their entrees, the tinkling of piano keys pressed by expert musical fingers.

Suddenly a beautiful- no, beautiful isn't the word, sirenic, divine, enchanting- woman slides into the booth across from him. "Shane Hollander," she purrs.

Shane startles and extends his hand out to shake hers. She laughs and bats it away, leaning over the table to press a chaste kiss to his cheek.

"Hi Svetlana," he says sheepishly.

"Where is Ilya?" She glances at the table, no doubt noticing the absence of a tumbler of vodka.

"Call with his lawyer. Visa issues. Everything's fine, but he said not to wait up. He'll join later."

Svetlana smiles conspiriatorily and reaches into her purse. "Well. I was looking forward to busting his balls directly, but maybe its more fun this way. A little private joke between us," she says, winking.

Shane wants very much for Svetlana to like him. He knows after the Ottawa trade was announced, she'd let loose a string of Russian expletives over the phone with Ilya. Ilya had begged them both to play nice, and so far they've managed to keep their interactions mostly cordial, if frosty.

"What is it?"

She slides something across the table to him face down. "A little souvenir I found last time I was in Moscow."

Shane picks up a photograph. It is glossy, showing an orange date and time burned on the image in the way of early 2000's digital cameras. The boy in the photo is a gangly adolescent, face dotted with a few pimples, but there is no mistaking the glittering hazel eyes and plush cupid bow of his lips. But instead of Ilya's soft curls, the boy has shoulder-length dirty blond hair, almost singed looking, as though straightened by too hot a styling tool. Long, side swept bangs cover half his entire face, with a few strands of hot pink highlights. His eyes are outlined in dark charcoal, giving off "fuck you" vibes. He is dressed in tight dark jeans, a grungy grey tee with Cyrillic lettering, and a studded leather belt, hands shoved apathetically into his pockets.

Shane gasps into his palm. "Ohmygod."

"I know, right?"

"He looks so..."

"Ridiculous?" Svetlana is cackling.

Shane smiles fondly at the photo and traces teenage Ilya with his finger. "I was gonna say precious."

"Ugh, not you, too Shane. Always with the-" she wiggles her hand, "-disgusting in love."

"He just looks so young," Shane murmurs. "He's a baby."

"Who is baby?" Ilya's warm, gravely voice asks as he slides into the booth next to Svetlana and kisses her cheek. He locks eyes with Shane and knocks his knee against his under the table.

"I was just showing Shane your My Chemical Romance era."

Ilya's eyes snap down to the photo and a look of abject horror crosses his face. "What the fuck?? Svetlana!"

"Relax, he thinks its cute." Svetlana rolls her eyes.

"Is not CUTE! Shane. It was subversive, to be emo in Russia. They tried to outlaw it. I was radical," Ilya sputters.

Shane quirks an eyebrow. "I don't think listening to Dashboard Confessional makes you a radical. "

Ilya flips him the bird.

Shane scoffs but taps his shoe against Ilya's under the table.

They eventually stop teasing Ilya and enjoy a nice lunch together. Before they part, Shane hugs Svetlana hesitantly. She whispers in his ear, "I will bring more pictures next time."

Later, back at the hotel, Ilya is washing up in the bathroom. Shane connects Ilya's phone to his portable bluetooth speaker. He swipes through Ilya's Spotify and selects a song. The punchy guitar riffs of The Middle by Jimmy Eat World come through the speakers.

The bathroom door slams open and Ilya stalks out, glaring. "Oh, you think you are being funny?"

After lunch they are seated in the den, fondly flipping through old photograph albums, when Ilya spies one that makes him lean over and squint. In the way of disposable camera film from the early aughts, it is grainy and overexposed, but there are no mistaking the warm brown eyes and pouty lips of Shane Hollander, looking blank faced at the camera. What comes as a surprise are the bleached blond ends of his dark hair, styled into crunchy looking spikes with obscene amounts of product.

Ilya emits a noise that can only be described as a squawk. Hand clapped to his mouth, because he barely trusts himself to speak, he chokes out, "What is...this?"

Yuna glances over nonchalantly. "Oh, that. Shane begged me to let him get frosted tips when he was 12."

Ilya will die. He will die right here, gagging on suppressed laughter, and Yuna will be forced to clean the mess of his remains off the berber carpet.

"I think he was trying to emulate some boy band he was obsessed with then. NSYNC maybe? I thought it was a bad idea, but David convinced me to let him try it out. Shane was going through a moody period, and he thought it might help."

"And-" Ilya squeaks in way too high a pitch, then clears his throat. "Ahem. And did it?"

Yuna thinks. "Hard to say. God, he was a bit of a bitchy preteen." She chuckles. "He had a poster of Lance Bass taped to his closet door. In hindsight, I should have guessed the gay thing much earlier."

Ilya can no longer contain his laughter. He doubles over with it, waving his hand and wheezing, "Sorry, sorry." He wipes tears from his eyes. "I can have this picture?"

Yuna shrugs. "Sure. The poster is probably still upstairs in his closet, if you want that, too. I've been meaning to clear it out-"

I am in love with Yuna “The Truck” Hollander.

Shane on his knees. Shane on his hands and knees. Shane and him fucking in front a fireplace with Shane riding him slowly while they’re sat up chest to chest, real romantic shit. Shane’s mouth open and plush. Shane begging for it. Shane crying for it. Shane saying his name. Shane saying goodbye. Shane saying hi. Shane’s eyes and his neck and his baby rabbit soft ears and his strong forearms. The bend of his elbow. Taking Shane to some stupid resort in the Bahamas or something where they would just lie in a private cabin in the middle of the ocean and hold hands and sunbathe and have cocktails appear in their hands. Where Shane would let him have him on every surface. He thought about Shane’s eyes and his eyebrows and the space between his eyebrows that would crinkle when Ilya said something to rouse him on purpose. The way Shane said what. The way he said what do you mean. All earnest like all honest and vulnerable. The way Shane could look at him in a way that made Ilya feel like he was being pierced through the skin. He wanted to lie awake and watch Shane sleep and whisper just loudly enough that it was heard by the world. I would die for you I would die for you I would I would. Shane holding a baby. Shane’s trim waist roped with muscle, Ilya’s big hand wrapped around it. Mine, mine, mine. Shane’s shoulders and back, rippling through water. Shane drinking a glass of water. Shane drinking a glass of beer. Shane wearing blue jeans and a white t-shirt. Shane’s pinched brow. Making out with Shane open mouthed. Fucking Shane up against a wall. In fact, every surface became a place he could fuck Shane. Every song became about Shane. Every conversation thread had by other people something he could spin into Shane.

It got so bad he simply had to talk to someone about it. Luckily Marley had just met some new chick of the month as well and it was easy to transpose Shane onto some nebulous type girl. They weren’t super sharey in general so he kind of got away with being unspecific, never saying a name. Just any excuse to talk about him. They traded lovesick comments between them like tween girls and sexual fantasies like perverse men. He never said the truly damning shit out loud though. It was just a pressure release. A way to keep from exploding, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person.

Ilya imagined taking Shane into his arms rough and ready in the doorway and saying I missed you. Did you miss me? And Shane admitting I missed you and Ilya would get to smirk into Shane’s smiling mouth and Shane would be overcome with it and kiss him like he was air. Shane in shorts. Shane in briefs. Shane in a jock. Shane completely naked in his bed. Waking up to find Shane naked in his bed. Returning from a shower to find Shane naked in his bed. Returning from practice to find Shane naked in his bed. All dark hair and sweet eyes, sheets tangled around his limbs and hands grabbing at nothing, grabbing for Ilya. Shane and him touching chest to chest with nothing in between. Shane holding him under the covers. Shane complaining that the carrots are overcooked. Or the glass isn’t clean enough. Or the fabrics not organic.

Everytime he stopped at a red light while driving he imagined Shane sliding into the passenger seat, smiling and saying “Hi” shyly before throwing himself over Ilya, Shane’s lips all over his face and neck, hands running like water, and Ilya would chuckle and say “Okay easy. Easy now” which was ridiculous because it was Ilya’s fantasy and so he was the one making Shane act like this. And he would say “I missed you, did you miss me?” and Shane would murmur “Well, obviously” and Ilya would feel like a fucking lottery winner for affecting the man who can’t be moved, for making him admit to his being moved. Shane wearing his hat backwards. Shane blushing from the bridge of his nose to his belly button. Shane folded in half gasping and moaning into Ilya’s mouth. Shane across from him at a cafe or a restaurant or in the seat next to him at a bar. He would know exactly what to order for Shane, for Shane to roll his eyes and then say thank you and Ilya would say show me how thankful you are and Shane would roll his eyes and kiss him even though there were people around.

All things absurd and mundane. But if you asked him, even to himself, he would’ve responded he spent minimal amounts of time thinking about Hollander.

Ilya Rozanov + Body Horror by DeathbyRomy

I'll rot and leave a pretty corpse

Only here to use tell me what my body's for

all he wants is to fucking play hockey, but it’s so LITTLE of his actual life.

it’s all transport and training and exercise and dieting and emails and modelling and coaching and sleeping and cars and planes and locker rooms and hotels and clubs and bars and there’s so little HOCKEY

is it all a fugue state for him? Just a thousand miserable unskippable cut scenes he has to move through until he can be on the ice again?

and what must it be like for him to meet Ilya, for their relationship to gradually develop and intensify until suddenly he’s experiencing the only other thing he would die for.

it must be so identity shattering to find something ELSE you care about that much, and a crisis of faith that would force you to reevaluate everything.

I think that’s an underrated factor behind the tunameltdown, Shane realising that this foundational cornerstone of his identity, that he cares about hockey so much that it degrades everything else in life to him, now has competition.

because he cares about Ilya so much that he is risking hockey.

he wants Ilya in his life properly, not just as another tiny flashpoint between dull, drawn-out moments. but for Ilya to be in his life like that, he would be putting hockey at risk. It’s something he practically has a mental block around, is literally INCAPABLE of considering.

he’s let it decide every single part of his life: his miserable diet, the horrible modelling shoots and brand deals, missing his parents, repressing his attraction, distancing himself from his friends and team…

all for the benefit of hockey, and all with no hesitation or internal conflict

and now he wants Ilya so bad that it will threaten hockey.

hockey, which he let threaten his family and friends and body and health…

Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.

Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"

Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."

The doctor scraped out a bit of earwax to have a better look inside.

I was sent a bill for $200 PER EAR for this 5 second procedure which I did not give permission for them to do.

That was key- they did not ASK me if they could do this "procedure". And, as I OWN a medical practice (it's me. The medical practice is me, sitting in my house on video calls) I knew to call them when this bill came in to be like "You did not obtain informed consent for this procedure, and it was not en emergency procedure. You had full ability to gain my consent and didn't. I'm not paying."

And the massive hospital who owned the bill said "yuh-huh you do have to pay."

And I said "I own a practice. I know these laws. I do not owe you money for this."

And they conducted an "internal review" and SURPRISE! Decided I totally owed them money and they had never done anything wrong ever.

And so I called my state's Attorney General office, and explained the situation because, as I mentioned, I know the law. The AG got in touch within a couple days to say they were taking the case and would send the massive hospital conglomerate a knock it off, guys letter.

Lo and Behold, today I have a letter where said hospital graciously has agreed to forfeit the payment.

"How not to get screwed over by companies" should be part of civics class.

Know your rights and know who to call when they're infringed on. This whole process cost me $0 and honestly less effort than I would have expected.

Civics class wouldn't help most people in this case because the AG will not take on all these cases and most people cannot afford an attorney in this instance or more importantly, the hit to their credit.

Were they going to get into a lawsuit over my $400 bill? No obviously not. But they printed up a letter on fancy letterhead to say to stop and it worked. They followed up with me the next day to be sure, and so ask how much money they had saved me.

They use dinky cases like mine to track habitual misbehavior of large scale companies to build cases they could actually go to court over.

And because people are shocked- I never spoke to the AG of my state directly. He operates mainly by overseeing a whole crew of people. And this is what those people do.

This didn’t happen because I’m special because of my tiny therapy practice.

This happened because this is what the AG office is for.

“The problem is systemic” doesn’t mean “and there’s nothing you can do”.

Then you've been trained well by "The System".

Yes, that System you say can't be fought? Where did you get that idea, huh? Who taught you that "small" acts of illegality don't matter? Who made you think that there's no point in fighting back because it will all come to nothing?

Might it be the same entities that benefit if you believe all that?

Gonna pause and let you ponder.

Never. Ever. EVER.

EVER.

Let companies or corporations or hospitals or organizations or any business big or small get away with screwing you over without a fight. Maybe you personally don't win every fight, but you lose 100% of the time you don't try. You'll win more often than you think you will. I know cuz I've done it.

So have others. Attorneys General offices bring lawsuits against businesses all the time. They do so because citizens contacted them to say "someone is doing a crime" and the crime doers did not stop when told and got into way more trouble than if they'd just stopped. FAFO. The Find Out can't happen if you don't even bother to report the Fucking Around.

On that note, as OP said, please know your rights! And, in a situation where you don't but suspect something is hinky, ask! The people of the internet can help! So can librarians! So can many others. Find out what is and is not okay for them to do. If it's not okay, report them! See something, say something.

Don't let the System win by default.

If you believe The System™️ is only for Them™️ and not you, it will only ever be so.

today (and every day) is a beautiful day to read this fic. forced marriage but make it hockey, sex tapes, angst, did i mention sex... you could not ask for more...

In late 2014, celebrity photos start dropping. Ilya deletes his texts, his photos, a video he should never have taken. It isn't soon enough.

I love this fic, I love this Ilya, I love this Shane. Run don't walk:

There is a tense note in Hollander’s voice. This is not unusual, because Hollander is held together by latent panic

AND

Maybe Hollander feels like this all of the time, like his skin will crawl away without him if he does not hold himself still.

AND