just in glee

…Instead of buying Saint and Sinners, Len buys a little hipster cafe as a front for all his rogue business. Knowing he won’t talk to any cops, Singh decides to send Barry in to collect enough evidence against Len to justify a warrant. 

Len knows this and decides to mess with him. Barry knows that Len knows this, and is increasingly frustrated by it.

Que Barry’s daily dramatic schemes as he attempts to catch Len out, which he manages to turn into looking like the biggest meet-cute. All the other regulars totally ship them and try to get them together, which Len finds hilarious.

Classic coffee-shop!AU tropes are a must, because they all manipulated by Len to annoy Barry. 

Such as: Barista has favourite coffee order pre-prepared for when their favourite customer arrives, only Barry has never been there before, ‘have you been stalking me again? Goddamit Len’

The Barista writes number on cup, gives latte with heart foam. ‘Wait that’s my number, how did you get this.’

Accidentally spills coffee and knocks them both to the floor? Nah just trying to feel for a gun, but in doing so you’ve managed to steal my phone, wallet, forensic ID and the bagel I just brought.

Omg making a new drink order that was ‘inspired by you’ the day after The Flash loses to Captain Cold. Is it called ‘The Iced Flash?’ Absolutely. 

First off, by an assumption that immediately should be retroactively made correct, it’s not just any old cafe that Len buys: It’s Jitters. This shit’s PERSONAL.

Barry like “that’s. That’s my cafe. What the fuck, Len, you can’t just buy out my cafe” and Len’s like “Funny, when I bought the deed I didn’t see you listed as the owner” and Barry is fuming like “I have been coming here for YEARS, my tips helped pay for Iris’ textbooks all throughout college” and Len’s like “and now your tips help pay for Lisa’s latest shopping spree”.

This is also why Singh sends Barry in, because he’s a regular anyway, right? Barry can’t tell him he has personal beef with the owner and he has to acknowledge the sheer lack of risk involved with him investigating.

Len is an infuriatingly good boss, according to Iris. Literally overnight the baristas’ wages went from tipped minimum wage to like, actually livable wage, plus tips. This could in fact be part of the money laundering but literally no one is ratting Len out now that they have the best fucking part time job they’ve ever worked (as was his plan all along)

Lisa and Mick treat this whole thing as like, you know, just a crime front, but Len takes things hella seriously. He balances the budget, he pours over spreadsheets, he monitors supply and demand, he consults marketing experts and coffee snobs.

He also takes out the competition, by any means necessary. “What can I say, Barry? I’m a fan of iced coffee, and that chain? Let’s just say it was an insult to the name ‘Cold’.” [Internal screaming from Barry]

Iris sees all these tropes taking place, doesn’t realize they’re carefully orchestrated to drive Barry insane, and instead joins the crowd of regulars/employees trying to get them together. “I’m so excited and happy for you, Barr. I mean, it feels like a lot of the time I was the ‘wild child’, y'know? But now you’re the one keeping secrets from Joe and I’m in the loop, heh heh. Don’t worry I won’t tell Dad :)” and Barry is like “Iris I can’t date Leonard Snart he’s a felon” and she’s like “yeah but doesn’t that kind of make it exciting?”

Caitlin and Cisco tentatively broaching the subject after the latest long rant from Barry like “I know this is really frustrating, but like… surely running a coffee shop is better for everyone than, you know… kidnapping people?” And Barry looks at them like 😐

The CCM photoshoot. After Shane gets added, CCM inform Ilya that he cannot eat peanuts for at least 24 hours prior to the shoot (since they'll be in each other's faces and they don't want to risk killing the #2 overall pick).

Maybe the stylists gossip or smth, but it all amounts to Ilya knowing about the allergy from the jump and being one of the very few who don't treat him like he's fragile or deserves pity.

oh MAN okay okay: so i feel like they wouldn't be telling someone else's medical information, BUT i 100% feel like yuna puts things like an allergy-free set in shane's rider from the very start, and yeah she has to bring down the hammer sometimes especially when shane is new in his career so people are a little eyeroll about new kid on the scene being picky (it's one of the reasons she's ALWAYS on these sets with shane), but it's just a default of, "hey, craft services cannot have X, X, or X, and approved styling products are X, X, and X. all substitutions must be cleared by his management at least 48 hours in advance."

so ilya gets told as part of this shoot, "hey, we don't allow blah, blah, blah on set for allergy reasons" without saying there's actively a person who is being considered here. and ilya is new! he doesn't really know how all of this works yet no matter how confident he has to act about it, so as far as he knows, this is just how ad sets work. i also cannot remember of it was an ask or a question i got, but i THINK someone also told me that stuff like peanut allergy warnings are not super common in russia but relatively VERY more present in north america, so i also 100% buy ilya being like, "cultural thing, maybe? normal for over here?"

and he and shane are making smalltalk at the side of the rink, and ilya brings up that he organized the shoot, and he's still looking for more stuff to say to keep them talking (because tbh? just a lil nervous about talking to his crush especially after admitting he arranged this and still not sure if shane is vibing back or not and also still working on getting fully comfortable with english), so he brings up, "crazy we cannot even have peanut butter here, yes?" because again: DOESN'T KNOW THIS IS A SPECIFIC REQUEST. STILL THINKING THIS IS PROBABLY JUST A LIABILITY THING FOR AD SETS IN GENERAL OR SOMETHING.

and shane immediately is wondering if he's being made fun of or something?? did someone tell??? is rozanov being shitty about this?? is this a dig? but no. he said "we". he's not assuming it's shane's fault (wouldn't be his fault anyway, but it's how shane thinks about it). and he doesn't know rozanov yet, so he's not going to bust out his medical history when he doesn't have to, especially if he thinks rozanov MIGHT be shitty about it if he's going to bring up the set rules. so he just "yeah, they're pretty strict about it." so now ilya is just internally like 'yeah, so okay. this is how things go. his mom is his manager so she probably knows all the rules and told him. noted.' which tbh? kind of a relief. now he knows something important for this career (ooooh ilya).

so they agree to meet up, but ilya has now been thinking about the forbidden allergies purely the way you will when someone brings something up to you and tells you not to eat it (not even spitefully against the rules, just "man, someone mentioned peanut butter and said not to eat it, and now i REALLY want some peanut butter"), so he does something like get thai food with peanut sauce for dinner, and then obvi he has a mint right before meeting up with shane, but he's trying to act SO cool guy and going through the whole bother of brushing his teeth and using mouthwash would feel like Doing Too Much (jesus christ, teenaged boy with a crush). so his breath doesn't SMELL like peanuts, but he hasn't scrubbed any potential traces clear.

and the hookup with them happens pretty quick from first kiss to finishing, so shane at the end is catching his breath...and catching his breath...a-and catching...his breath. and then realizes that his throat and chest going so tight is a reaction and not just being fresh out of orgasm (and really FUCK his life. he gets the first sexual experience he has ever wanted and now THIS? FUCK his fucking EVERYTHING).

and ilya hasn't seen someone have a reaction before, so he doesn't actually know what's happening at first. is this? a freakout? "hollander, are you ok-" but then shane is scrambling up and tearing through his bag and ilya is just ?? what??? is goign on right now?? and then shane finds his epipen and doesn't want to sit on hotel floor because Gross but manages to wobble back to the bed and use it, and ilya STILL doesn't know?? what the fuck is happening?? but hollander couldn't really breathe right and now he stabbed?? himself?? with something?? and ilya can read context clues enough to understand that this is a medical thing, which is alarming, but also shane in the aftermath of using the epipen is shaking violently because that's just a side effect of it, and he's still catching his breath, but ilya bunches up the comforter to put around him because he thinks maybe he's just shivering??

and shane manages to get his breath back enough to say, "hey, ca-can you ca-call an ambulance?" and ilya is ?! yes but ?! and then shane realizes he's still naked so need to fix THAT first (fuck his FUCKING life), so he starts to get up and ilya (who is tbh a little freaked out right now because still doesn't know what's happening but shane looks Not Okay) just gently pushes him back down and grabs his (ever so helpfully neatly folded) clothes for him and puts them beside him on the bed and also puts his own clothes back on SO fast because obviously that needs to happen Now, and when he gets done, shane still hasn't gotten his shoes on or something because shaking still and also still has fucky blood pressure so getting a head rush leaning over, so ilya ends up helping.

and then ilya calls for him and also just. doesn't feel okay leaving him. their rivalry hasn't set in yet and this is the first time they've done anything so what even is there to hide (nothing obvious is on the bed, and beside a crumpled tissue in the bin, there's no other evidence), and also people already saw them talking during the shoot today so not beyond the realm of possibility that they'd just be doing more of that since they're already in the same hotel. and yuna was leaving the hotel earlier to get a drink with a friend or something who happens to be in town, so shane doesn't want to ruin that for her over a stupid reaction (and also wants to feel like an adult and not have to have his mom come running when she already stayed with him all day because of his allergies when he KNOWS it's noteworthy for someone's mom to be doing this), so when the paramedics ask about if anyone needs to be contacted or if anyone's coming along, he very honestly is like, "no, my mom's busy."

and ilya fully on impulse tells shane, "i can come. if you want." because like. he's already here. he still doesn't FULLY understand what happened here. but shane looks really sick rn and he knows from meeting her in the elevator that yuna was leaving the hotel, and he doesn't know why shane wouldn't just call (maybe she doesn't take her phone when she goes out?), but HE wouldn't want to take an ambulance ride by himself if he felt as bad as hollander looks right now (he almost certainly would end up doing it because who else would there be to come with him, but he wouldn't WANT to). and shane is a little thrown, but yeah, he doesn't know him well but it's not like he has a secret to keep from him at this point and maybe not a bad idea to have someone who can call his mom on his phone if he needs them to because of a secondary response or something.

so ilya ends up going to the hospital with him, and they end up talking because what else is there to do in this four hour observation window. and shane confesses to his allergies and being the reason the set couldn't have allergens on it. and ilya can read people. he can see that shane is bracing himself here. but ilya doesn't actually care. he'll chirp hollander and have fun with him, but he's not actually going to make fun of someone's medical condition, especially when they've ended up in the hospital because of it.

(and because. of him then eating something. that triggered that medical condition. oops.)

and they actually end up getting along during this time they've got 1:1, and of COURSE yuna finds out shane's not in his room because she went by to say goodnight and also hand over a new sponsorship deal someone sent over while she was out and got printed in the business center at the hotel to let shane look at it (prefers papers he can touch instead of reading on a phone), but shane?? didn't answer?? honey, you feeling okay?

and now yuna does end up at the hospital and is surprised at finding rozanov there, but as shane is scrambling, rozanov hops in with an excuse of saying he went up to see if shane wanted to work out together (a wink wink that only shane will understand lmao), but then shane started having a reaction. so now what yuna knows about ilya rozanov is that he was actively trying to hang out with her son and be friendly AND he then helped her child during an allergic reaction and even went with him to the hospital after.

and through the power of yuna, ilya and shane end up exchanging numbers because yuna won't say it but she's always excited when shane ends up making a new friend, so she drops a, "why don't you boys trade numbers? then you can hang out the next time you're in the same place for something."

so now they've started texting WAY earlier than in canon, and to shane's mom at least it's understood they're not really enemies right from the start (with the context of ilya is actually nice to shane in person, she understands that the rivalry is just an nhl narrative, and she understands marketing and spin), so she encourages shane in texting him, and even when they're in the same place (like at all stars), she encourages them meeting up and getting dinner together.

and for shane's part, ilya teases him about it later, but it's not mean or exclusionary. they plan on getting dinner with shane's parents for the first time or something and rozanov hits him with a, "i should order peanuts again and try to kill you, do you think? or is twice just bad manners?" and it's such a relief to have someone who thinks it's something that can just be joked about. rozanov doesn't treat him differently now except for asking shane now and then about stuff just because he's not wanting to kill shane the next time they meet up lol.

and they've seen things like them at the edge of an event being dumb teenagers but in a way that's really sweet with ilya trying something and going, "mmm no, they are liars, i think. tastes like poison for hollanders." so they also?? just assume?? that ilya's family also knows they're friends?? and yuna atp has answered questions for ilya before on contracts or brand deals because he doesn't always get translations of things but won't ask because doesn't want to get condescended to, so at a certain point she noticed him frowning at something and looking back and forth between a dictionary on his phone and the paper he was looking at and just pulled a "need some help?" and ilya resisted at first because Pride...but also yes, please.

but then they go up to ilya and his father at this event??? and the vibes are Off??? they know ilya by now so they know he's funny and sociable?? but he is now SILENT?? and glances at his father before he speaks? and uuuuuh that sure is some clues to follow.

and on TOTAL impulse one day, david at dinner or something just so casually observes that the flight back and forth to russia for holidays must be hard. and ilya (who was making fun of shane for not wearing his glasses but also helping him look at the tiny ass allergy warnings on this menu) looks up and SO neutrally goes, "yes, is very long. i don't usually go back. just for summer." because zero chance he's getting into the guilt of feeling relief at having an excuse he knows he shouldn't be using.

but then david AGAIN SO CASUAL is just, "well, if you want a shorter plane ride, you're always welcome to come stay with us."

and I'm fucking WEEPING imagining the end of the night when everyone is starting to pack up and go home and he hears david say, "okay, wait, where are mine?" because everyone's in a shuffle collecting jackets and leftovers and kids, and then yuna comes up behind ilya and puts a hand on his shoulder in a "gotcha, stay put" mom gesture and calls back, "I've got one of them. where did shane go?"

B R U H

(read more because JESUS this post is getting long)

they say they're dating now, and yuna and david are a little surprised but encouraging but also ask how long and mmmm. hm. okay. so...

so they manage to convey the "since the very start, yeah" of it all, but like. yuna and david KNOW about ilya's reputation. they love him dearly but they also know boy was rockstar-style sleeping his way across the nation by all accounts. and also they now know shane was dating rose like. VERY recently.

which means we have, "but, ilya, honey, you were cheating? there were so many-wait, shane? were YOU cheating, too? you even brought rose to dinner!"

which means no matter WHAT other changes there were in this universe, we still get

and feeling ABSURDLY powerful in a way that feels good finally after weeks of feeling so shitty, ilya buys the stupid peanut butter, takes it home, cracks it open, and eats it with a spoon sitting on his couch because who cares. he can cross-contaminate everything he wants now. it's not like he has to think about it anymore. he's been doing this since he was a teenager but it's fine. over now. no problem.

and he sits on his couch in this dark house knowing that shane is in the same city as him but doesn't want to see him. and he can only eat this at all because it doesn't matter anymore if he and his home are safe for shane.

because shane doesn't want him anymore.

he manages three spoonfuls before he goes back to the kitchen, screws the lid shut, tosses it in the trash, and then takes the trash outside for good measure. getting it completely out of his house. he goes up to his bathroom and brushes his teeth even though he's not going to bed yet. he doesn't think about why he's doing this even when there's no one to kiss tonight who would need him to do this.

and he feels fine about it. really.

they've done more of their own separate work as they've gotten older and cultivated their own brands and publicly pushed the rival element of their friendship, but they still do work together sometimes, mainly for work for BIG companies that can afford to have them both

and this one is for like. tom ford or something. they're wearing suits and looking very Serious Face. and in the past, they would have been catching each other's eyes and making each other laugh, ilya more than shane because shane has perfected the art of getting ilya with a single look over the years because it's funny to make him lose the not laughing competition. they've literally been doing this since 18. they're good at it. and it's fun and easy and there's bts footage of stuff like them arguing over snacks (there's more snacks. they just both wanted this one because it's fun to playfight about it), and for shane especially, it's always felt better having ilya on the same set as him. it makes it way more fun for both of them. ilya has even trusted his mom's necklace around shane's neck during shots where his neck needs to be bare for the picture. there's so much fun and trust between them on these days.

but not on this one.

it's stilted, and they stumble around things the way they haven't since they were 18 fucking years old and brand new to this and to each other. shane doesn't make ilya crack up and break because ilya doesn't even look at him. there are too many things in between them now for it to keep flowing when something so massive has buckled and broken and twisted. it isn't fun. it isn't easy. they eat on either side of the set. they're not playing words with friends on their phones in between set-ups and then playfully verbally abusing each other about their scores. they don't speak. they don't look at each other. they don't split a pack of chips because shane will protest about the macros but also end up taking all of the ones ilya hands him.

for one shot, ilya has to take his necklace off, and shane halfway perks up, ready to at least have this little gesture of trust, this little sign that he and ilya still have an understanding between them, that-

ilya puts it in his pocket.

Today we remember the 49 lives lost and countless others forever changed on June 12, 2016, at Pulse nightclub in Orlando. What was meant to be a night of joy, music, and pride became one of unimaginable tragedy.

We honor the memory of those we lost—most of them young, queer, and Latinx—and we stand with the survivors, the families, and the community still healing.

there's concern there. it's obvious. and it's SO common when it comes to bisexuality bc there's this huge and annoying misconception that bisexual people are unfaithful unloyal cheaters. and you can see it in her face as she processes the information that this is an immediate concern for her and for her son.

and now let's look at ilya's face

now he's concerned, because he knows he has to explain himself (which he does. he shouldn't have to but he does) and he's basically throwing out a hail mary to shane's parents that says hey, wait, no, i'm not gonna cheat on your son. i love your son. just because i'm bisexual doesn't mean i would hurt shane.