Forever Thinking

I love rebloging. It’s the adult equivalent of showing everyone the cool rock I just found.

have i ever shown u people my hand sofa

the more you listen to it, the funnier it gets

Audio: dramatic piano. The husky screams along, vaguely keeping the rhythm but not the tune

That last ROO always gets me

okay im gonna hypnotize you with my ruby amulet now DONT BE WEIRD ABOUT IT. im doing this to make you betray the king. IT IS NOT A SEX THING

I think the fact that you immediately thought about clarifying it’s not a sex thing kinda makes it sound like it is a sex thing.

FOOL. i would be using my sex amulet for that

unpopular opinion: Vimes is kind of drama queen

Sam “held a burning hot coal until it nearly took the skin off his hand while maintaining perfect calm and eye contact with the asshole in need of intimidation Just Because” Vimes? Sam “sitting on the stoop with a mug of cocoa and a cigar, cautiously aware of every inch of the scene he’s building” Vimes? Sam “could just tear his sleeve to show the mark of the Summoning Dark but instead tears off his whole goddamn shirt” Vimes? A drama queen? Reaching a bit don’t you think

Yep, certainly doesn’t seem to describe Sam “pretends to eat poison as a power move” Vimes. Not Sam “buries an axe in the table in the Rats Chamber” Vimes.

I mean are we really talking about Sam “yes a whole room full of candles with wicks dipped in holy water is the best way to beat this vampire” Vimes, here? Sam “has fought bad guys on top of a speeding train AND a riverboat during a flood” Vimes, really? Definitely Sam “nearly gets shot in the head by a crossbow bolt that shatters his shaving mirror and then uses the bolt to prop up a shard of said mirror to finish shaving” Vimes we’re discussing here?

You are an unreliable narrator because your coping mechanisms for your deep-seated trauma forbid you from acknowledging the reality of the situation. I am an unreliable narrator because I sincerely have no idea what the fuck is going on.

World Heritage Post

something something extremely sexy when magic users resort to physical violence. yeah i have the power of god and anime on my side but i also have THESE HANDS. i cast Punch You In The Face. i take my magic staff through which i channel the vast energies of the elements and the cosmos and i cast Severe Concussion And Skull Fracture. casting time for xenoglossy too long, chose the quicker route of Stab You In The Throat.

IF YOU READ MY STORIES HOT PEOPLE WILL DATE YOU AND YOUR PARENTS WILL RESPECT YOU (BUT IN AN UNDERSTATED WAY THAT DOESN'T EMBARRASS YOU IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS) AND YOU WILL GET THAT GENIUS REVELATION THAT LETS YOU MAKE A FORTUNE OFF VERY DEFINITELY NOT SCAMMY INVESTMENTS

IGNORE THAT SCREENSHOT, IT ABSOLUTELY WORKED FOR ME! I HAVE AN UNDESERVEDLY HOT SOON-TO-BE WIFE AND MY PARENTS LIKE ME AND THINK I AM DOING GOOD (proudness factor was not evaluated before posting). I ALSO MAKE GOOD MOENY OFF OF THE OLDEST SCAMS ON EARTH (being on tumblr at work)! YOU SHOULD READ DERINS STORIES! THEY ARE NORMAL AND NOURISHING!

Why does everyone else get love meanwhile I'm getting the shit they list at 4× speed at the end of medical commercials?

Individual side effects are mild and they all telepathically transferred theirs to you. You're the normal spaceship scapegoat.

TOTALLY NORMAL SPACESHIP JESUS!!!!!

the human brain is so cool, if you're tired and stressed enough, your brain will go, "don't worry, I got you" and shadows will start moving

and what's the genital situation on the shadows

oh this is my post

i need (abruptly stops talking & stares at some random fixed point with a vacant expression)

boss makes a spider i make a slime. that's why i . thas why, tthats why i uhhh. t. thawhy

t.gats why i can't think up an end to the rhyme

GET BACK TO WORK