Before I begin spamming this blog with my 2016 poems, I’d like to go back to the very beginnings of my writing career and English language in general, which you will understand why I mention in a few sentences. As a child I was very ego-driven and competitive, not just in sports but school as well. English in particular was one of my favorites and I had a female nemesis there I enjoyed outwitting whenever possible or knowing something she does not. From spelling words nobody ever heard of to writing in the most complex possible ways, I was determined to prove my superiority, as was she – and the rest, well, they were just innocent victims often caught in the crossfire.
Back then learning a new English word was exciting, it was all about expanding the vocabulary and as I’ve mentioned knowing something another person doesn’t. However, all of this changed for me when I met a person who didn’t know English all too well and I wanted to write poetry for her. This was the major shift in my life that changed me as a writer forever, going from a self-serving ego maniac to a writer more concerned about the reader and his or her experience. I strongly believe that is what matters the most in the end and it breaks my heart whenever I see somebody write for the sake of impressing other writers rather than leaving lasting impressions and starting new trains of thought in a reader or helping an already running train reach its destination.
My (d)evolution as a writer didn’t happen just in terms of my style and choice of words but also when it comes to my motivation and overall approach to writing, which I’ll need a few more sentences to describe properly. Writing, be it poems or endless essays, was usually about re-balancing myself and to a lesser extent still is. What I mean by this is that if I was overly leaning in one direction, I would write down those emotions or thoughts to remove the weight from my head or heart. However, I found no permanent benefit to this approach, as in if I had an emotional pain to deal with, writing about it would soothe me for a moment but the next day I’d have to write again, perhaps even deeper about it, and on and on it this would go like a vicious cycle of some painkiller addict who needs poems to deal with something while those poems at the same time only push him further in that negative direction.
The lesson from those days is simply put, you can’t change something negative with negativity, in some ways it’s like being stuck in a hole and crying about it while also grabbing the shovel and digging deeper to further emphasize how crappy your situation is – not exactly the best problem solving strategy…So, from being a poet driven by pains and such, I’ve decided to turn the page in 2016 and focus on staying centered and positive as much as possible, useful and meaningful rather than self-deprecating. With neurotic and pessimistic being some of my ever-present characteristics, it’s a bit of a challenge, hence you’ll still see some of that darkness creep into my poems – though in general I always try to smack them right back to where they came from with a positive final line to emphasize that those dark guests may come but never stay for long.
The primary reason for my change of heart and revamping the creative process is yet again a woman, as they seem to influence my life in the most dramatic of ways. This one in particular woke me from my poetic slumber which lasted for about six years, as I never write unless my heart is in it and that little bugger is a picky one when it comes to the ladies. I have no idea what her role will be in my life when everything is said and done, but for now I’m happy to learn from her positive outlook on life, so all the credit for anything cheerful and uplifting goes to her.
That would be all from me for this post, I’ll share more thoughts in the future :)
turnnoffyourmind
germansingergirl
gummygunk
blakekathryn
andulkaphoto
origamiaround