[insert fanfic title here]

it is both normal and healthy to have protective maternal feelings towards tiny bottles of condiments

tiny condoment

"the most unrealistic thing about project hail mary is that a woman is in charge" WRONG look up the glass cliff. women are much more likely to be promoted to positions of power when things are going poorly and people need a woman to blame. she refers to herself as the "world's whipping boy." the person put in the position to have to commit ecological and humanitarian crimes of that scale in order to save the earth would only ever be a woman.

love the trope where an authoritative side character pointedly pretends not to help the hero they’re not supposed to be helping by saying shit like “well I can’t just let you wander around up to the THIRD FLOOR where you could just FIND THE THING YOU NEED in the FIRST ROOM ON THE LEFT. And under no circumstances should you USE THE KEY FROM UNDER THE MAT. I wish I could help you, but I CAN’T. Now excuse me, I need to take this phone call for the next 37 minutes EXACTLY.”

My doctor did that for me once. I had to get an expensive brain scan and she was like ‘do you smoke?’ and I was like ‘no’ and she was like “well that’s a pity because the government will pay for this expensive brain scan if you had been a smoker so - do you smoke?” 🤣🤣🤣 I was like ‘yes’ and she’s like ‘oh wow then this scan will be free’

i had a dream where discord added a new “sex update” where you could declare you and a user were having sex and the menu to do so had dozens of dropdown selection menus for timespan, position, location, style, “flavorings”, and who was topping. what this would actually do is place whoever was set as the top to literally place their icon over yours and would set a timer. no one could message you and discord would autoreply with “sorry, these two users are busy right now! try messaging in [time remaining].” The issue is is that you, yourself, could not message anyone while having the discord sex, and this made me upset because immediately multiple people were setting me to having sex for 24 hours, thus locking me out of using the application and saying I was “busy with sixteen people”

absolutely cooking a bloodymary college au. party boy!ryland x brooding nerd!simon. it's messy, it's long, it's bittersweet, it has a happy ending, it's angsty. there's multiple weddings. it will take me six years to finish at my current writing pace.