āIām still learning to love the parts of me that no one claps for.ā
ā Rudy Francisco
todays bird
Jules of Nature
One Nice Bug Per Day
$LAYYYTER
Cosimo Galluzzi
cherry valley forever
Sweet Seals For You, Always
KIROKAZE
occasionally subtle
Show & Tell
Three Goblin Art
Not today Justin
Game of Thrones Daily
trying on a metaphor

ā

AnasAbdin

izzy's playlists!
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@deepdepressingtruth
āIām still learning to love the parts of me that no one claps for.ā
ā Rudy Francisco

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Caught between thinking Iām better off alone and knowing it.
Social interaction thread š«¶š¾
Comment if youāre alive or would like social interaction
Iām here for you
#growingupblack means realizing that everything I do, hope to do, and attempt to do, will forever be measured against both ignorant ratchet blacks and historical legendary blacks.
Nothing I ever do will ever be just because I worked hard at it..
It will always be because of some slave, enslaved person, or white-knight white person who allowed me to succeed or who aided me in the process⦠or that I worked for. Itās insane.
I work very hard and get told that Iām great at tons of things⦠but because Iām black, those great things I did/do, are the product of some opportunity I was given, or some slave that paved the way to make it possible for me to even be there to do that great thing.
Its exhausting. š®āšØ
Lost, wandering through life with no direction š

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I feel lost and purposeless⦠floating on a rock in space; day in and day outā¦
I want someone to see me and genuinely appreciate the value and insight I worked so hard to gainā¦
I post and try so hardā¦. But nobody cares
I look through the things Iāve posted and said and different creative things Iāve triedā¦. But none of it mattersā¦. Nobody likes anything I do, rather Iād music, art, school, or life⦠I want to end it, so I can stop feeling so useless, purposeless and alone.
I work and work and work, but none of it ever means anything š
Despite all I do, none of it matters š¤·š¾āāļø

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Iām tired of being an afterthought to people
If anyone feels alone, and needs music to ease depression. Hereās a song I wrote, about how hard it is to live. How hard it is to deal with life. How hard it is to hurt those around you. To hurt those who you love.
I wrote this song and itās a part of a project called āDark Matterā written about being alone and the difficulties of trying to achieve things and go out in the worldā¦. The irony is, as much as I go out and am around people, I still feel so overwhelmingly alone.
This song summarizes so many things for me.
If you listen, let me know. So I can know.
If you hate it. Let me know that too.
If you enjoy it. Tell me. And I hope you find peace.
I hate when someone knows they did you wrong⦠and when you try to confront them (even before you can) they use āemotional overwhelmā and personal situations completely outside of the point and situation to overshadow how YOU feel in a situation⦠like.. Iām trying to get you to see how terrible YOU made me feel today and yesterdayā¦ā¦ but now I have to console you through whatever separate, unrelated devastating news youāre trying to process that happened 2 weeks ago with completely different people šā¦.
Ughā¦. Once again⦠bottle up my feelings and just keep it moving⦠š
but you supposedly ālove meā.. like wtfā¦
This relationship is BIG ASS š®
liability by lorde.
āHow do you know someone is for you? They bring peace you havenāt found anywhere else. They support your effort. They water your growth.ā
ā Unknown

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Ways To Cope: How to Handle Overwhelming Memories & Extreme Feelings
I. Controlling your environment
When you start to feel panicked & overwhelmed, try some of these things to make your environment feel safer:
White noise/comforting soundscapes like rainforest or ocean waves
Soft lighting/reduce the light source
Heating pad/warm wash cloth to face
Ask yourself, "how can I help ease the discomfort?"
Talk/ vent in safe spaces or to a pet or even just say it out loud to yourself
Allow yourself the physical body expression (ie face scrunching, crying, shake your arms, stuff that allows your body to cry too)
How do you define comfort? What sorts of things comfort you? Comfort foods, movies, TV shows, stuffed animals, blankets, soft hobbies? Or maybe you wanna be more destructive?
Stimulate your senses- perfumes, incense, candles, aromatics, lemon drops, sweet & sour candy, slime, play-doh, squeeze stress balls, rubix cube, fidgets, soft fabric, music, soundscapes, visual lights (if safe), darkness, fishtank screensavers on YouTube, just to name a few. Any ideas you'd like to try out?
Doomscroll to avoid ur feelings
Go for a walk
Stand up & stretch
Wiggle & dance
Take a nap
Change ur surroundings (walk to a different room)
If u struggle w suicidal thoughts & urges to self harm, re-evaluate ur home space to feel more safer. Remove all ur razors, ur weapons, knives, extension cords, glass, anything that makes u feel unsafe. Ask someone safe to hold your meds. Re-adjust your space accordingly (ie plastic silverware, surge protectors, disposable razors, etc)
Call ur therapist or call a local WARM line.
II. Controlling your inner voice
How you talk to yourself when you're stressed out & in a panic highly affects the way you feel. Thoughts like, "this is stupid. I shouldn't feel this way. I feel so useless. Nobody loves me." This is your inner child speaking from all the pain and misery that you endured. And you gotta learn how to be nice to your baby, because you were just a baby. When we are experiencing flashbacks & memories, that part of you that went through that-- that part is asking to be loved and held through that pain so you can finally feel it out.
So how do we comfort our inner child during this time? You might need to hear and say some of these things out loud to yourself:
Im so sorry you had to see that
It should have never happened
I know it hurts
This is so painful to go through
I love you
They betrayed us
We didn't deserve that
That was scary
I feel scared
I feel unsafe
I needed more from them
I needed you, too
That was horrible
That was horrific
I wish I could leave
I wish I could run away
No! Don't touch me!
I am not alone anymore
I will hold you safe
I will cherish every moment with you from now until forever
I will find ways to protect you
I will always listen to what you have to say
I will never betray you again
We can get through this together
We are safe now
That was exhausting
It may help to look into trauma therapy and other sources to help you talk about and understand what you went through on a deeper level. But at the core, these are the kinds of validation you need to hear to get through what you're going through. It hurts like hell that no one can really give you that or even understand what you're going through, so please try to be a little kinder and understanding of yourself through this process. You are worth the effort of healing. You can get through this. We can survive this together.
|||. Reducing the panic
The work is not done yet. Now let's take a moment to do some self care.
Take a deep breath
Notice the tension in your body- is your chest tight? Are your hands shaking? Is your body paralyzed out of fear?
Take another deep breath
Ask yourself permission to touch your body in this moment and honor your response.
If you're not safe with touch, proceed to the next step. If you are okay with touch, try these coping skills:
butterfly hugs- put a hand over ur heart and gently pat
Cross ur arms over your chest and hold ur shoulders
Rub ur shoulders in a soothing motion
Rub your legs in a soothing motion
What other ways would you like to be touched? Re-introduce yourself to safe touch in these moments. You are absolutely allowed to touch & comfort your own body-- but only if you'd like to do so.
If touch is a no-go, then there are still other coping skills we can do to help our bodies release these pent up emotions:
Sway gently from side to side
Stand up and stomp your legs
Allow your body to shake
Allow your face to scrunch up & express your pain/disgust/etc
Do a set of 5-10 jumping jacks if needed
Punch the air
Cry, scream, and shout
Allow yourself to make noise, exasperated sighs and moans of pain
Roll your neck
Wiggle your arms
Roll your shoulders
Clench & unclench ur fists
Remember to take slow deep breaths while moving
In the moments after a panic, you might feel exhausted beyond belief. It might help to take a break and do something fun. Video games, puzzles, snuggle w a blanket, something soothing from your list above
Keeping a journal can help you vent and keep track of your memories & progress
Talk with a trauma informed therapist about EMDR
Follow your favorite self help blogs that promote awareness for trauma recovery and somatic healing
Write down your favorite affirmations & stick em on ur fridge
IV. Random distraction techniques & coping skills
Hold a piece of ice in your hand; throw it down your back
Jump down a YouTube rabbit hole. My favorites are carpet cleaning videos, power washing videos, seafloor exploration, jungle living, stan twitter, etc.
Jigsaw puzzles
Reading a good book
Tv/movies
Video games
Baking
Gardening
Making jewelry/arts & crafts
Teach yourself something new
Word search puzzles, sudoku, wordle, etc
Card games like solitaire & free cell
Fantasy card games like Yu-Gi-Oh!, MTG, & Pokemon
Start a collection
Cry
Daydream
Learn how to cook
Be nice to a stranger
List your positive qualities
Draw/Color/Paint
Write a story or poetry
Join a fandom
Go for a walk
Find your local recreational center
Go to the park
Play Pokemon Go
Talk to someone you trust
Organize your space
Look for free classes at your local community college
Visit the library, they always have social events
Volunteer at an animal shelter
Volunteer at a retirement home
Stuffed animals
Get a pet
Volunteer at the local food bank
Be gentle with yourself
Tell yourself "I can make it through this"
Please remember that you are loved, you are safe, & you are worth the effort.
šŗ
May you never again get attached to anyone who isnāt for you. May you find a love who makes you laugh, never lets the flirting phase end, and gives you unquestionable loyalty. You deserve a love that calms your heart, mind, and nervous system ā a love that never hurts you.