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i honestly didn't even know i had this sideblog attached to my OOOOOLLLLD tumblr account but i thought id use it for this purpose.
i'm having a lot of imposter syndrome revolving around my gender identity and i need help.
details below the cut
i've been identifying as transmasc for 5+ years (currently trans man and above the age of 18) and my conservative mother and i really started to butt heads after i came out. i'm 99% sure i have ocd and part of the obsessive thoughts were about imposter syndrome and would particularly come about in moments of anxiety.
just today my mom came up to me and said that she is going to affirm my gender because she wants me in her life. immediately i was sobbing in her arms and thanking her. after a few minutes though i began to feel nauseous. granted, ive been out all day and the only "real" meal i had was a breakfast sandwich at 3 pm. now the thought of eating anything worsens the nausea.
The imposter syndrome is hitting extra hard right now, and i can't tell if it's actually imposter syndrome or if i am genuinely not trans and now that i don't have to fight against my mother and try to hold onto my identity my subconscious is starting to see it as a real possibility. one of my greatest fears was proving her right because of her harmful views on trans people as a whole, and now that there's nothing to prove her right about, is the wall crumbling or is it just anxious thoughts and i am still who i've considered myself to be all these years?
basically what im asking for is for anyone who relates to this experience to tell me what happened to them, and where they are now (specifically in terms of their gender).
if any trans people or detransitioners want to share their experiences with imposter syndrome, please PLEASE do so either in my DMs or in the comments or even in my asks. i am nauseous and very anxious right now, and i need to talk to someone about it but i don't want to go to anyone i personally know and i don't have therapy until tomorrow night. I can't tell if the nausea/anxiety is from the huge life shift that's bound to happen because of this or if it's because i've made a grave mistake and now need to take back everything i've said about my identity.
OPEN MINDED RESPONSES ONLY PLEASE! anything helps.
people can joke about disabilities and mental health disorders they don’t have all they want but those people probably don’t understand the feeling of thinking your little sisters are going to get hit by a car RIGHT NOW when you are safe sitting on the couch with them in the livingroom in your house at the end of a cul de sac.
super cool that you’ve never had to deal with social anxiety and think ordering food is as easy as ‘getting over it’.
how awesome for you that you’ve never almost gone into a full blown sensory meltdown because you had to use conditioner with a different scent than your usual conditioner and that different smell was just too much.
How lovely that you think getting basic things done is as simple as ‘just doing it’ because you don’t have a severe case of a disability that hinders your ability to use executive function.
don’t belittle disabled/mentally ill peoples’s problems. It’s not funny so how about you keep your snarky fucking comments to yourself about things you don’t have to deal with or understand.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
