deceitfulmermaid

Yes… YES! fucking hell I LOVE this! Give them all to me!!

I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs

feels like some of u aren't properly appreciating the fact that he sleeps in a berry patch. and he rolls over and squishes the berries into his fur. because he's so sleepy and content.

maybe people think he's an ugly dog but just to be clear he is actually a beautiful pig

Tired of trying to be genuinely creative and intellectual. I'm going to invent a vague aesthetic that I can slap a -punk suffix on, market myself as the founder, and put out a series of BookTok friendly speculative fiction novels that do gangbusters because they include a color-coded set of categories to sort one's intrinsic characteristics into. Surely this is the path to the future.

maybe if we keep speculating about mitch mcconnell more different repub senators will drop dead