what the puck, bud

idk i just think about watching the love story probably of your generation from the outside like. feet through the railings / elbows on the edge of the hot tub and it’s so. like yes we are longing but we are longing together. the interviewer asking her if she feels like a part of it!! the implication here being that of course everyone would want to be a part of them, why else would you ask, everyone wanting to know what it’s like to play with them. and yes there is still the distance between you but a little bit less lonely in knowing you’re not the only one who wants it, a wink, a nudge, a word to say look at the two of them when you already are.

i think the way that devin kelly talks about longing as if it is this physical quantity of distance makes me want to chew my arm off. as a general rule. the narrowing, the idea of longing as this arc, as the mathematical concept that at some point two parallel lines WILL at last converge to a single point, there is no infinite distance forever, the edge of the world horizon is only a matter of rotating your view. and all that to say that who among us would not lay our head down to watch mpp and laura in the kitchen getting us a glass of water, anything that we asked for, the shake that we didn’t ask for but she still said she would make, and imagine the conversations happening on the other side in the warm yellow light. ant sent me a beautiful poem that talks about the sweat from a glass of orange juice pooling on the counter that was so bright you almost couldn’t touch it and to me that’s abby coming into the house to dry off and drink the shake that mpp made her that she said she’d leave waiting because the two of them went up to bed and left her there with the door unlocked.

i think this is more to the point of abby not even knowing why she wants to be in the hot tub!! to realize that it’s not even the warmth of the hot tub she’s basking in but the ambient warmth of being around love!!!! like of course you don’t want to go home and stretch and wear out the soreness in your perfectly serviceable own bed, much as you must have done for years and years until now. [i agree that the longing doesn’t even have to be romantic truly enough said. she’s not in love with them but she is a little bit but she’s not. we all know what i mean.] you want something so badly you can’t explain what it is you want. devin kelly i am growing a thousand foot long arm to reach across the world and just to chew it off. my god you are longing.