PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
EXPECTATIONS
Interview Vampire Daily
almost home
The Bowery Presents
Color Me Curious
sheepfilms
izzy's playlists!
blake kathryn
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
romaâ
Cosimo Galluzzi
Mike Driver
@theartofmadeline
untitled
YOU ARE THE REASON
todays bird
Keni
Cosmic Funnies
seen from United States
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@cottagecore-minecraft-vibes
i scrolled down a lot please show us your pink cat again
this is the image some people use as evidence in their claim that my cat is "pink". i assure you these are incorrect assumptions
where's the forth horseman
May I offer a second, blue Dave?
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a collection
How does anyone hate kids they are so funny I sold tickets to incredibles to this little girl and her mom and sheâs like mom are we sitting next to each other and the moms like ya and the kid screamed YES so loud it broke my ears
The other day I was bringing an older gentleman up the hill in a golf cart and we drove past this huge YMCA group of kids like 100 kids and driving past the first chunk like 10 of them yelled out âlet me onâ in unison and then since Iâm driving so slowly to be safe, halfway in some kid leaned up and said âdo you play fortniteâ and I told him I played a little and he just pointed and shouted âTHIS GUY PLAYS FORTNITEâ and then like 20 kids started talking to me all at once about fortnite
A kid asked me if I lived in the ambulance. I said yes.
The hero we deserve
When I was on register at Kohlâs a little girl came through with her grandma and she was so very excited to tell me the meaning of her name (I think it was like warrior of god) and she begged her grandma for her phone so she could google to find out what my name means too
i wear two spinner rings on one finger and one time at my last job a young girl (probably 6-8) said âyour ring is very prettyâ and when i showed her it was two rings she GASPED and said âdoes that mean youâre marrying two people?!â
I have this necklace with a mermaid on it that I wear to work a lot and I got asked by a kid if it gave me magic powers. I leaned in real close and told her in a low voice it gave me magical girl powers but it was a secret. She got this real serious look on her face and said to her mom âthat lady has superpowers, donât tell anyone or the government will take her awayâ.
The other day i had to give a speech at my school despite my horrific fear of public speaking and afterwards i had kid come up to me and say well done to me. It was so cute.
god I love tiny kids
there was a kid in one of our science camps and he spent the whole week in a lab coat and goggles screaming âCHEMICALSâ at the top of his lungs. he wouldnât even tell us his name for the first two days just screamed CHEMICALS instead.
I was watching these kids at church today and one of them screamed and threw a toy car into the wall and it broke and the other one looked over calmly and said âdoes your insurance cover that?â
I was taking the drink order for a family at work and I asked their kid what he wanted to drink and he just looked at me with a completely deadpan expression and said âvodkaâ and me and the parents just fucking lost it
kid I used to babysit asked why my lips were different (she was two), and when I told her that it was because I was wearing lipstick, she yelled, âMAYA, I WANT LIPITZ.â
I work in a school and every time I draw anything on the board (I am a terrible artist and usually resort to stick men), the kids will all go âI love your picture, thatâs a great drawing Missâ. So blindly supportive.
One time my younger brother ordered a ânon-alcoholic fantaâ at a hotel bar and the bartender lost his shit and I was never the same man
When I was student teaching, I was taking my fourth graders back from lunch and noticed one little girl looking longingly at the playground, where the younger kids were having recess. She heaved a big sigh and said, âI used to be that free.â
So my cousinâs daughter was staying with us for a while, she was like 4 or 5 at the time. For context, I have missing teeth that were hidden w/ a retainer. I didnât have it in one day ,and I guess she hadnât seen me without it bc this blessed child, as I was speaking, says, âAre your teeth falling out?â Whiplash to everyone in the room.
iâve mentioned this here before, but it will remain one of the most ideologically influential experiences of my life: when i was in fifth grade i did a report on post traumatic stress as manifested in veterans of the vietnam war, and my father did me the huge favor of connecting me w/ a vietnam vet friend of his who was diagnosed with PTSD, assuring him that while i was only ten i was bright and curious and he should be as honest with me about his experience as possible.Â
i remember entering his office with my tape recorder, sitting in a chair that was too big, and asking him questions about war, and his life after war, while swinging my legs over the edge of the chair. i remember being very, very quiet as he spoke of pulling the car over on the highway for fear of crashing when his hands would shake uncontrollably in response to song on the radio or a smell that he couldnât be sure was real or sense-memory. and of ruined relationships and anger and american hypocrisy.Â
and i also remember that was the day i learned what âvalorâ meant. he used âvalorâ in a sentence and i didnât know that word, and when i asked him to explain âvalorâ he became very quiet. and i canât remember precisely what he said, if he ever offered me the dictionary definition or not, but i do remember him looking very sad, and saying something about our countryâs idea of âvalorâ, and also something about a broken promise. and there was an edge to his words that i couldnât parse at the time that i would later come to understand was bitterness, that he sounded bitter.Â
to this day i canât hear or read the word âvalorâ without seeing sunlight coming through his office window at a slant, close-to-sunset light, and feeling the kind of quiet, confused, completely internalized panic a child feels when they sense that a grown up is trying very hard not to weep in their presence.Â
Limits of the Human Body
Body Heat = 107.6 F
Cold Water = 40 F
Hot Air = 300 F
High Altitude = 15,000 ft
Starvation = 45 days
Diving Depth = 282 ft
Lack of Oxygen = 11 minutes
Blood Loss = 40%
Dehydration = 7 days
Writers finding this post:
Thank you
Europeans about half of this post:
Body Heat = 42 C
Cold Water = 4 C
Hot Air = 148 C
High Altitude = 4572m
Starvation = 45 days
Diving Depth = 390m
Lack Of Oxygen = 11 minutes
Blood Loss = 40%
Dehydration = 7 days
Europeans seeing this version of this post:
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early morning farm work in portalia âď¸
"For the Wolf, we originally considered a stylised CGI model, but that would've cost millions. That's something an American studio can afford, but not a Czech fairytale movie. So we had to resort to puppetry."
*whips out a puppet Jim Henson would be proud of*
âWe couldnât afford a trip to the uncanny valley we had to go see the Grand Canyon insteadâ
why do people in dnd each occupy a 5ft by 5ft square, how far apart do you think people need to be? why are dnd minis afraid of touching
dnd minis standing five feet apart in a dungeon cuz theyâre not gay
look, if the guy to my left has to do the turbo-macarena while charging a bolt of flesh melting while the guy on my right is doing every bruce lee move at the same time and the guy in front of me is flourishing a broadaxe like hes doing yo-yo tricks im going to give each of them enough floorspace to not liquefy myself
fuck a âpersonal bubbleâ, stay out of my
BLOOD CIRCLE
So glad that non-scouts can appreciate the term blood circle properly.
Please practice Blood Circle âď¸ distancing!
early morning farm work in portalia âď¸
A pizza place, a little grocery store, a bike shop, and a laundromat~ Been working on this island off and on since 2020 and Iâm still not sure of the best ways to use some of Cocricotâs items, like shelves. Each one is takes up a blocks space so if you want one above a counter you then canât put anything on the counter. So you have to have really tall walls? Fđ
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Just a smoll house đź
hi hellsite i built the sealed temple from the silly zelda game
oH MAN I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO SHARE
I FINALLY GOT TO USE THEÂ âwell i donât trust the governmentâ AGAINST AN ANTI-MASKER THIS WEEKEND
i was buying wood at the camp ground and the store clerk pitched a bitch fit about not being able to understand me through the mask and then rolled her eyes and informed me we donât have to wear those anymore bc the mandateâs already been lifted
AND THE LOOK ON HER FACE
WHEN I LOOKED HER STRAIGHT IN THE EYE
AND SAID
âoh, well I donât trust what the government says. Iâd rather make up my own mind.â
UNO REVERSE MOTHERFUCKER
ID: tweet from @ShotgunWife with text reading âjust some ideasâ followed by a meme image of a generic, black mask overlayed with the following text.
keeping wearing a mask because itâs funâŚ
use these lines when asked âwhy are you wearing that?â
âitâs a free country, I ainât no sheep, no government gonna tell me when I can wear a mask, my body my choice, itâs for religious reasons, Iâm just ugly fuck off.â
The last line of text in the image reads by ânow itâs our turnâ.
/End ID
responded to a customer with a southern accent why I still wear one with ââCause I look like the wrong end of a dead donkey.â using the smallest bit of a twang in my voice, and he stopped, blinked a few times, and went âA'ight. fair ânuff.â, nodded, and then I helped him pick out a leaf blower while he self consciously put his hand over his mouth.
[ID: Post by @greelin âlike Iâm ever going to let some absolute godless pervert see the bottom half of my face again. in a TARGET, no lessâ]
The Victorian Era was shite compared to now obsiously but also titty piercings were popular everyone was on heroin and they thought bad sex made your kids ugly so the zeitgeist must have been wild
I wish I could remember the source, but I once read a sociologist's take that the Victorian era was a complete abberation of human development. It was uniquely weird, never existed before, will likely never exist again.
I wonder how much of that was on the back of the industrial revolution. Maybe humanity had a similar "weird" moment in the Fertile Crescent when we figured out farming.
But yeah. Victorians were an odd bunch. Delightfully contradictory.
I feel like the wild combination of Suddenly Having So Much New Technology We Barely Understand and Suddenly Using So Much New Technology We Barely Understand *May* have resulted in such new and novel situations as:
The baby will stop crying if I give it cocaine
My entire face is covered in arsenic
How Wonderful That I Can Buy Guns And Heroin At The Same Store! I Certainly Hope My Lead Poisoning Does Not Lead To Bouts Of Distemper And Irrational Thinking
There Are Bare Electrified Wires Running Through My House And My Technicolor Dress Is Highly Combustible, Which I Do Not Know Yet
My son, Lead Poisoning Georg,, shall someday inherit my gun powder and lead paint empire,,
NEW! Magical Miracle Substance! Asbestos! WILL NOT catch fire! CANNOT catch fire! YOU WILL NOT die! (From fire)
Impress Your Guests And In-Laws With The Tastiest Bright White Bread Chalk And Wood Shavings Can Produce
NEW! Baby feeding bottles! NEW! Glass baby feeding bottles! How do you clean them??? That isn't important stop asking questions. NEW!
If Heroin And Lead And Cocaine And Arsenic And Typhoid And Tuberculosis And Radiation And Ungrounded Wires And Lead And Chalk And Arsenic And Working In The Coal Mine Are Bad For Me, Then How Am I Moving So Fuckingn Fast
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wet, pathetic guy contest but its only characters I care about
kendall roy
jesse pinkman
catra
barry berkman
sally reed
will graham
jimmy mcgill
dee reynolds
One time this man approached me in a bar talking in Spanish. So I assumed he was Spanish and we started speaking, we had a whole ass conversation and at some point he was like. So what part of Spain are you from? And I said well Iâm Italian actually. What part of Spain are you from? And he was like. Iâm Greek.
One time I was in Argentina and I was so tired of trying to speak Spanish because Iâm not very good at it lmao so I broke into exasperated English and the retail seller girl quickly understood me and engaged me in conversation. We talked for a while, she introduced me to a makeup brand, and then I decided to buy it. While she was packaging the purchase, she asked me if I were from the US or perhaps the UK and I just said âoh no Iâm Brazilian hahahâ and she looked me straight in the eyes and said, in clear Portuguese, âIâm Brazilian tooâ
When my dad went to China on a work trip, his Mandarin speaking wasnât great but his listening was fine (his first language is Cantonese) and he encountered a German guy who had moved to China to work. My dad knew how to speak German because he studied it in university (but wasnât great when it came to listening to new vocab he hadnât studied before), and the German guy knew Mandarin because he lived and worked in China, so they had a conversation where my dad spoke to the German guy in German and the guy responded in Mandarin. Iâm sure it confused a lot of their coworkers who just saw the Asian guy speaking German and the white guy speaking Mandarin.
Some years ago, I worked for a manufacturing company that had a service depot in China. One of the engineers from the main office here in the US spent most of his time at the depot. The problem was that he didnât speak *any* of the various Chinese languages, and no one at the depot spoke any English. They all, however, spoke Spanish.
I love the world
