Musty books and Rusty looks

i am so tired of peeing. i drink the water, which i apparently need to live or something, then i have to go put the water somewhere else five minutes later. i drink the water, i go to a place to un-drink the water, i wash my hands, i leave, then i have to drink more water. guess where that water ends up? not in me! i give the water to my body and like a child it tosses it out and demands more. all hours of the day all hours of the night no matter what i am doing my life is interrupted by piss and this is bullshit

This sounds like it was written by a powerful being that is trapped in a human vessel and keeps having their plans thwarted by bathroom breaks. 

You know too much.

People like this exist. Interesting.

I thought things couldn’t get more horrifyingly amusing than the woman who wanted people to pay $1000 each to go to her wedding so she could “feel like a Kardashian for a day” and had a Facebook breakdown about it saying she was gonna go backpacking in Peru to “find herself” after being “betrayed” by her friends who didn’t want to partake but here we are

I thought it was the same person ngl.

I’m in the wedding shaming group and saw both this and the Peru post before it went viral. Love it.

Stephanie is a true hero.

my favorite thing about this update is that the fact that we are even SEEING this means there’s AT LEAST one other snitch in the party that she hasn’t caught yet

we should make fun of americans more. why dont their shops include tax in the price tag. like how much does this item cost? its a surprise :)

Honestly, tea. I’ve lived here my whole life and I have never once known what my total is gonna be at the register. Total fucking mystery.

im an ex-american living in new zealand for the past two years and it still never fails to blow my mind that i can take a $2 coin, walk up to a counter with two $1 items, and perform the expected transaction

this callout is completely deserved

i was not fucking ready for this photograph

always reblog

IT’S BACK

we should make fun of americans more. why dont their shops include tax in the price tag. like how much does this item cost? its a surprise :)

Honestly, tea. I’ve lived here my whole life and I have never once known what my total is gonna be at the register. Total fucking mystery.

im an ex-american living in new zealand for the past two years and it still never fails to blow my mind that i can take a $2 coin, walk up to a counter with two $1 items, and perform the expected transaction

this callout is completely deserved

it’s really interesting seeing death portrayed as a woman 

Especially a a nurturer rather than a destroyer

That’s convenient

reblogging again because this is IMPORTANT

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT, PEOPLE! REBLOG TO SAVE A WRITER’S LIFE!

Yes, very important.

👏👏 LISTEN UP FANFIC WRITERS

I learned this the hard way if you didn’t do this at first don’t feel bad. I had to be told to do this.

hot take: jake peralta is bi and john mulaney plays his ex boyfriend from high school in season six of brooklyn nine-nine

john mulaney plays a rockin’ twink

He was embezzling for an obscure animal charity and the jury lets him off. The squad knows they’ll be seeing him again one day.

He later turns out to be dating Doug Judy.

why are there 5,000 people on this site holding back from doing something with literally zero repercussions for anyone in a world that will never remember the chances you didn’t take? don’t waste your time on this earth live your life slap some rice

Hi my job is literally to reset the shelves and honestly?? Slap that rice. Slap it good. patting down the bags makes it easier to stack more, which means when I have to do it it’ll be flatter and more settled and more likely that I can just slide it along without it slidin’ around. You are doing me a FAVOR by slapping that rice.

rice man approves

If you would report an undocumented immigrant to ICE you would have reported me to the Nazis and I don’t fucking trust you

Very good very important addition

I’m not American, and I have like, three followers, but this is important.

it made me laugh in an unholy fashion at four in the goddamn morning, so here, have this.

Out of all the responses to this post. Yours was my favourite. I cried laughing when I saw the last paragraph

👌👌 👌 👏 👏

lmaooo

For the record, the guy actually invented this with the intent of it being used to crack down on human trafficking. Traffickers often cover their victims in heavy/unusual makeup before posting pics of them online, to make them harder to detect using normal software.

oh

So basically this is a case of really shitty reporting. The article could have been about an app used to rescue victims of trafficking but they decided to flippantly make it about make-up