Dancing With The Lost Boys

I live in a state where you “have to” report anyone you suspect of being undocumented (that wonderful hellhole of Arizona). Now in practice this law has fallen far short, thank goodness. But if you live in such a place and they start enforcing it, here is how you get around it:

Assume everyone who doesn’t speak English is visiting.

Never ask about their job, because if they tell you they work here then you know they’re not visiting. You see them a lot for several weeks or months? Hm. Someone in the family must be ill. That’s terribly tough. They always dress in old, ratty laborers’ clothes? I feel you, my dude, I can’t afford new clothes either, and my dad has the fashion sense of an aardvark, so sometimes it’s not even about “affording” them. They say they’ve been here for years? You must have misunderstood. Spanish isn’t your first language, after all. First and last name? It never came up, or you don’t recall–you meet a lot of people.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7E-47VmFopE

It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn’t heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore’s stick house. Inside the house was Eeyore.

“Hello Eeyore,” said Pooh.

“Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet,” said Eeyore, in a Glum Sounding Voice.

“We just thought we’d check in on you,” said Piglet, “because we hadn’t heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay.”

Eeyore was silent for a moment. “Am I okay?” he asked, eventually. “Well, I don’t know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That’s what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. Which is why I haven’t bothered you. Because you wouldn’t want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All, would you now.”

Pooh looked and Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house.

Eeyore looked at them in surprise. “What are you doing?”

“We’re sitting here with you,” said Pooh, “because we are your friends. And true friends don’t care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are.”

“Oh,” said Eeyore. “Oh.” And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.

Because Pooh and Piglet were There. No more; no less.

frankly the only zoos with “dismal” conditions these days are unaccredited facilities and side-of-the-road dumps, AZA-accredited Zoos like San Diego and St. Louis are held to some of the highest standards in the world! (especially since it is very easy for zoos to LOSE the AZA accreditation if they fuck up even a little bit) steel bars and bear pits are very much a thing of the past- you’re more likely to find exhibits like these where humans and animals can interact safely and without stressing the animals.

but aside from being centers of community outreach, education, and interaction, AZA Zoos have been ABSOLUTELY INDISPENSABLE in conservation programs and saving at-risk species from extinction. Zoos have established breeding programs for endangered animals from turtles to rare antelopes, securing the species’ numbers and carefully safeguarding its genetic diversity until it can be reintroduced to the wild. 

and a LOT of species have already been yoinked out of the grasping hands of extinction by AZA Zoos in this way- the California Condor, the Arabian Oryx, and the Panamanian Golden Frog are just a few of them!

a very gentle looking asian golden cat

very kind looking, round. 10/10

and then the other in the genus is

(On the day we met)

6yo: My name Kendrick but you can call me KJ cause my friends call me KJ and you my friend now.

~

KJ: I’ll walk your dogs for 5$!

Me: Imma think about it, okay?

KJ: Ok ok, 3$!! But that’s the lowest imma go. What a deal right?!?!

~

9yo: You know my Mama’s got a boyfriend.

Me: That’s nice!

9yo: My grandmama don’t like him cause he ain’t got a job.

Me: Oh.

9yo: Do you got a job?

Me: Yeah.

9yo: *screaming across the yard* GRANDMAMA!! THIS GIRL GOT A JOB!

(I might be her new stepmom, y’all. Idk)

~

12 yo: You ain’t got a man?

Me: Nope.

12 yo: You got a woman?

Me: Nope.

12 yo: It’s just you and these dogs?

Me: Yep.

12 yo: Girllllll! You living the life!

~

9yo: *banging on my back door* HEY!! Open the door!!

Me: *opening the door, freaking out* OMG! WHATS WRONG!

9yo: Nothing. You got a popsicle?

Me: Ummmm...no.

9yo: You want one?

Me:???

9yo: *pulls a popsicle from behind her back* I think you need this.

Me: Thank you.

9yo: Alright. Imma see you tomorrow. Bye!!

hey everybody, welcome to another episode of Weird Biology! today, I’m going to give you a fresh look at a really weird bird you may have heard of before. so get ready to learn some badass new facts about this scrappy little football!

so say hello to:

*HEAVY METAL SCREAMING*

all right, so there isn’t much badass about a hairy, nocturnal, flightless, island-dwelling bird a little bigger than a chicken. or so they’d like you to think.

Kiwis live in New Zealand, which is fitting because they’re the Hobbits of birds. (bear with me a minute and put down the torches, please)

I swear I’m going somewhere with this

like Hobbits, Kiwis live in burrows. also like Hobbits, Kiwis are short, stocky creatures; they grow to be about eighteen inches tall and 7 pounds. (this is just slightly larger than the average chicken and probably larger than you thought they were) like Hobbits, Kiwis are voracious omnivores and eat basically anything they can fit in that ridiculous beak. and finally as I’m sure you’ve noticed, Kiwis are prodigiously hairy. like Hobbits.

and finally, the Kiwi would absolutely carry a cursed item to the ends of the earth and throw down with a Ring Wraith. (but they’d do it out of spite)

spite is the only emotion the Kiwi can feel

see, Kiwis are aggressive, territorial, and extremely tenacious. they defend their territories and burrows against anything and everything, including humans and probably also marauding armies of orcs. which, since Kiwis have squat muscular legs and extremely sharp claws, is no joke.

no seriously, they’ve been known to sprint out of the underbrush without warning, gouge people in the shin, and sprint away.

it’s a lot less funny when you realize that they’re at least as fast as you are.

adding to their sheer tenacious badassery is the fact that Kiwis are even still around. I don’t know if you guys are super familiar with what usually happens to flightless island-dwelling birds when humans and non-native predators show up, but it’s not good. (HINT: starts with an E and rhymes with “distinction”)

700ish years ago, humans first arrived on New Zealand. this was fine, and Kiwis more or less got along okay. but in the 1700′s the first Europeans arrived, and they brought dogs and Norway Rats with them. (this was significantly less nifty for the New Zealand inhabitants, both human and otherwise.) these predators have been taking huge tolls on the Kiwi population for a long time now, (the dogs and rats, I mean) but Kiwis are fighty tenacious bastards and against all odds they’re still here. for comparison: the Kakapo (New Zealand’s other largish flightless bird) has faced the same problem with introduced predators and is now damn near extinct.

Kiwi resilience is in large part thanks to New Zealand’s conservation programs, but also Kiwis are just tough little bastards who don’t know when to quit.

but I’ve saved the most thrashtacularly metal feat of the Kiwi for last. Kiwis form bonded pairs for life (awww), and lay one to two eggs together per year. which, okay, does not sound like a lot. however, there is an important fact that needs to be brought into consideration:

yes, that’s a REAL FUCKING XRAY. HOOOOOLY SHIT.

the egg is fucking huge. like, up to 25% of the mom’s body weight huge. that’s completely fucking ridiculous and it’s upsetting to even think about. 

but that big egg makes a big, well-developed chick who comes out of the shell ready to stab you in the shin and sprint into the bushes. they’re literally born ready to throw down and are basically mini-adults. but still adorable.

continuing the family tradition!

unfortunately despite their badass ways, Kiwis are currently still under threat from introduced predators. the good news is that Kiwis are loved, celebrated, and protected by New Zealanders. (who are justly and rightly invested in their national bird, shin-kicking quirks and all)

there are many conservation programs in place for the embattled Kiwi, and its weirdness is a light that won’t be going out anytime soon.

shine on, you little weirdos, shine on.

thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

Nope. No. You’re wrong. Color photos have been around since the late 1800s there are a bunch of full color photos of MLK. The us govt and educational system just doesn’t show us because they want us to push back the civil rights movement and distance institutionalized racism from today’s society.

Here are just a few of many photos of MLK in FULL color. This wasn’t that long ago. This is RECENT history. Segregation, the terrorizing of black communities, the brutality isn’t old - it is still present.