The universe sings through the people it made

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

Every time I go they put me in a chair and they say look into this machine there's a hot air balloon or a farmhouse in there and I do and I'm like you're right I see it and they're like yeah keep admiring that hot air balloon or farmhouse and I do and I'm like this shit's quaint as fuck and then do you know what happens next they attack me they jumpscare me with air directly into my eyeballs and i fall out the chair and they say sorryyyy but they're NOT they wanted this to happen they KNEW about the jumpscare well now I'm wise to it now I know better when I go in and they say look at this bodacious hot air balloon I'm like NO WAY DUDE that balloon wishes me harm have at thee and I attack them and push them on the ground and spit on them

It’s all fun and games til they tell you that you have Narrow Angles and you need Laser Eye Surgery.

First test flight of a flying car by Mazda partially a success

I feel like the Arizona license plate should take some place in our analysis of whatever in the goddam fuck we’re looking at here

This is the modern equivalent of all the paintings of bowls of fruit you see in museums

there’s a Masters of the Universe billboard near the cafe i like and i need to find a picture of this particular design because just describing how shitty it is won’t convey anything

okay there’s no pictures of it online because no one gives a shit but imagine: i can’t drink my coffee without making eye contact with the gigantic shitty visage of Jared Leto Skeletor. however, they’ve completely rendered him bland. tasteless. he’s not green or yellow and has like no purple on him. so it’s just Skeletor’s head in his hood, a plain white skull in a black hood, so it looks like Spirit Halloween. and he has 2 red lightbulbs in his eyes

why is this getting notes again everyone STOP talking about white collar & rich guy shit i am a BLUE COLLAR DYKE!!!! THIS IS A JANITORIAL COMPANY!!!! i will NOT let you make this about white collar businessmen the poors are funny too ok

"it's just growing pains" -> "you're too young for that to hurt that bad" -> "you just need to get in better shape" -> "welcome to being old, everyone is in pain"

Diva down

My cat has developed absolutely insane movement tech because my apartment has a really narrow hallway and he loves to play there . Like he’ll fucking wall jump and ricochet between the walls and wall run and its insane. Like why does my cat attack attack feather toy like he’s playing titanfall