too gay to think straight

scientists are trying to discover something harder than getting out of bed to go to work in the morning. and dont make a fucking penis joke ok they already checked everyone’s dick and it doesn’t even come close

wtf are borders anyway. like yeah u were born on this beautiful earth buuuuut 😊 u cant go here. or here either

crazy how much i could get done if i didn't have "doesn't want to do things" disorder

the Masters of the Universe remake makes this video relevant again which means we are in the best timeline

I love you, crowsfeet; I love you, gray hairs; I love you, sun spots; I love you, smile lines; I love you, crinkle between my eyebrows; I love you, crooked smile; I love you, visible signs of a life lived

work tomorrow is one of the worst things that can happen to you

Too pretentious to jerk off Tried to engage in my sexual fantasy but the narrative was to unrealistic and the dialogue was out of characterAnd trite

I looove when food is in a bowl. Frequently plates are being brought out and I'm thinking this could've been a bowl meal but nobody gets it

do you ever tell people you’ll be going to sleep but then you don’t and you have to not do anything noticable online for the sake of it seeming as if you didn’t lie to them

this post is classic tumblr in a lot of ways but the one I appreciate the most is that the second post happened eleven years after the first one. one of these days I’m going to see a reply to a post by someone younger than the post itself and we’re all just going to have to deal with it

don’t forget that on the day of his funeral all the brothels in Paris were closed because every single prostitute in the whole goddamn city was busy mourning him

Hey quick question what the fuck

the man reported on his hookups in his diary using latin code words and 2 million people attended his funeral, if that isnt balling idk what is

victor hugo has been dead for 133 slutty, slutty years