too gay to think straight

you have to forgive the printer because it's one of the most machine-ass machines we interact with on a day to day basis. that thing says kerchunk. hardly anything says kerchunk these days. you can't get mad at her when she kerchunks up a little.

This is a reminder for those who handmake Christmas presents that now is not too early to start. It may in fact be a good time to start if you have a lot to make/your craft takes a long time. You should maybe start it now, whether that's brainstorming or actually doing the crafts!

I like the nodding emoji 🙂‍↕️ for how at peace it is. when I use it I feel like a wise sage who has reached an enlightened truth of the universe. mmmm 🙂‍↕️ monkey

love that ilya was trying to test how far shane was willing to take things by shoving his thumb in his mouth and then when shane started Suckin he was like whoaaa and then shane DROPPED and he was like WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

does anyone have that tweet that's like "talking to the ace hardware employee: gonna remodel an old brownstone by myself can I get the fisher price tool kit and stupid white paint"

THATS EXACTLY IT THANK YOU SO MUCH

scientists are trying to discover something harder than getting out of bed to go to work in the morning. and dont make a fucking penis joke ok they already checked everyone’s dick and it doesn’t even come close

wtf are borders anyway. like yeah u were born on this beautiful earth buuuuut 😊 u cant go here. or here either

crazy how much i could get done if i didn't have "doesn't want to do things" disorder

the Masters of the Universe remake makes this video relevant again which means we are in the best timeline

I love you, crowsfeet; I love you, gray hairs; I love you, sun spots; I love you, smile lines; I love you, crinkle between my eyebrows; I love you, crooked smile; I love you, visible signs of a life lived

work tomorrow is one of the worst things that can happen to you

Too pretentious to jerk off Tried to engage in my sexual fantasy but the narrative was to unrealistic and the dialogue was out of characterAnd trite