I Believe In Happy Endings

man sometimes friendship really is just "I saw this and knew it would give you psychic damage. please respond with agony" and then they do. and it's great

Please god it would be so funny

there is no downside to voting for Count Binface. its not taking away from other candidates bcos they aren't any and the more votes he gets the stupider Farage looks.

So what happens if Count Binface actually wins? Does he join Parliament? Does he have to take the bin off his face?

When you get mad, take a deep breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. No one ever expects that.

Refer to England as “a mysterious and warlike nation off the coast of western Asia”

(guy who's not getting anything done voice) I need to learn every skill and all information

feminist retelling shoulsnt be the woman does some girlboss shit femist retelling is she does the same stuff except u actually give a shit abt her perspective and thoughts and feelings as a human being this time

I guess the reason all that Backrooms stuff has never really fazed me is because I worked in on-site networking support for a while, and literally every city's downtown district is just Like That once you get off the beaten path. Not just the really big cities, either; the one I'm currently living in has a population of less than 250 000 – metro area included – and a downtown area about six blocks across, and the service corridors still manage to do some House of Leaves shit. At one point I was trying to map the route of a misbehaving network cable, started out in a shopping mall parking garage, and ended up surfacing in the basement of the casino across the street. Totally unsecured – apparently neither the mall's administration nor the casino's managers knew that particular service corridor existed.

Like, I once bumped into a fully stocked and operational Coke machine in an unlit maintenance corridor twenty feet below ground level. Its display lighting was the only illumination for a hundred yards in either direction. I don't even know what it was plugged into.

Somewhere below this city there's a room the size of a high school gymnasium filled floor to ceiling with rotting mattresses. I've seen it with my own eyes – and, more importantly, smelled it with my own nose. I can't recommend the experience.

(That last one isn't even mysterious. The room in question is within easy walking distance of the basement of a major hotel, if you know where you're going; I imagine the hotel started stashing their old mattresses there at some point rather than pay to have them hauled away, and over the ensuing decades the situation got out of hand.)

everytime I’m reminded that men will straight up complain about how pussy smells and there’s a whole industry around women buying products trying to cure it like some kind of disease it Goes in the evidence pile towards heterosexuality being some kind of obligation based death cult wherein each side despises one another truly and deeply . What I wanted to post is I would huff pussy smell out of a paper bag in a back alley like it’s paint fumes but the thought went elsewhere

Charlie Kirk is scheduled to speak at UVU. I have the opportunity to do the funniest thing of all time

IT WASN'T ME I PROMISE

unclean = adj. of or pertaining to uncles