hello darkness my old friend~

@inber I think you might like this

all yall make jokes about couples and their nonromantic third wheel having fun together, but im the one getting treated to food tonight by the couple im nonromantically third wheeling. you wish you were me

I'm sorry I read this as "necromantic third wheel" and went on a very rapid powerful imagination adventure. hello lovebirds I'm the skeleton here for breadsticks

Everytime this gets a note when its nowhere near christmas I question my sanity just a little bit more

No, it is July, stop that, stop giving this notes, you guys have lost reblogging privileges

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I think my favorite jokes are the ones that weren’t even all that funny until I was an adult, and now they’re fucking hilarious. I’m not even talking about the dirty jokes. I’m talking about in Finding Nemo where the sharks are having fucking AA for fish eating. Remember that shit? “I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself.” Who ever thought of that? That was brilliant. Or what about that time in Shrek 2 where Shrek and Donkey infiltrate the castle pretending to be union workers? Little me didn’t give a shit about unions but big me is remembering Shrek going “It’s okay buddy, we’re from the union” and the desk worker secretively “we don’t even have dental,” and Shrek just shakes his head and looks at Donkey like he can’t believe this shit and goes, “They don’t even have dental.” What the fuck. I’m dying of laughter. Who comes up with this shit.

Dirty jokes have their place but I kind of wish more “adult” jokes relied on “Things only adults would understand due to lack of life experience,” instead of “Things that are inappropriate for kids,”

"if yr stabbed dont take the knife out" okay so thats basiclaly cockwarming

i can never leave this place

the fact that in the realm of fiction murder isnt really considered that big of an issue is funny to me. like yes my blorbo has killed people but thats fine thats not even a problematic character trait these days. call me when you stan a character whos mildly homophobic or a serial cheater or something. that'd be real fucked up.

this is the single best description i have ever heard for a cat

whats everyones favorite cocktails. i totally adore a sex on the beach. no rum and coke okay i want your favorite gay ass colorful fruity tasting type of drink okay? okay. i trust you. i love you

If you are feeling good about yourself or situation and then your mood suddenly shifts leaving you feeling insecure, unsure, etc. try to remind yourself that nothing has truly changed but your perception. Your cute outfit did not suddenly become horrid. Your delicious meal did not tranform into a terrible one. Your peers perception of you has not radically transformed over a social misstep. Everything we experience is put through it through our mental filter, and that can convince us that everyone else sees us with the judgement we have for ourselves. Be kind to yourself.

man sometimes friendship really is just "I saw this and knew it would give you psychic damage. please respond with agony" and then they do. and it's great