I am a Screaming Dragon Always

so. i just learned that my entirely me-written resume flags as being AI-written by automated HR systems for a few writing quirks and the fact that i followed all the rules of good resume writing, which is apparently a telltale sign of AI use in this fucking hellworld. i've been desperately applying to jobs that i am massively overqualified for for months with no response, not even an interview, and now i find out that at least part of the reason is because some fucking moron decided that following the rules every career advisor has given me for a decade means i cheated and should be disqualified. the ai bubble cannot pop soon enough. what the actual fuck.

Praying that $1500 randomly comes to you when you need it the most this year.

do you think bowser ever gets anxious after kidnapping peach again that he went too far this time and he calls mario up in the middle of the night to make sure they’re still on for tennis and gokarting next weekend

painstakingly dialing mario’s landline on a comically small telephone only for luigi to pick up instead and he has to ask him to put his brother on the phone. not that luigi isn’t part of weekend plans, but like this is really more of a mario & bowser situation and it’d be rude to drag his brother into it if there’s a problem. so anyway then luigi puts the receiver down to go get his brother and bowser sits there tapping his claws on his table and this is agony, actually, he shouldn’t have called at all, it’s late enough at his castle so it has to be even later over in the mushroom kingdom. but just as he’s about to put the phone down, mario answers all chipper—mario mario speaking, who’s-a calling? which is a ridiculous question because there’s no way luigi didn’t already tell him.—and bowser has to ask him. look, mario, i know i dangled peach in a bird cage over a pit of lava the other day, and when you showed up, i let my son throw giant flaming hammers at you, and there’s no hard feelings about that, right? and there’s a few seconds of silence before mario laughs and reassures him it’s all in the day’s work of a plumber, an explanation bowser has never thought to really question since he only knows two plumbers and it does all seem pretty in their wheelhouse. and then he’s embarrassed for worrying so much so he tries to end the call quickly, but mario just ribs him about how badly he’s going to lose the next race, and then he starts asking bowser how junior is, and does bowser want any of the leftovers since he and luigi really do cook way too much for two, be a shame to let it go to waste. and by the time bowser manages to hang up, this has gone from leftovers into him and junior and the koopalings all being invited over to the mario household for dinner, so long as they don’t park their airship on the front lawn and leave the cannons at home.

I’m so pro abortion I feel insane hearing any other take on it

Even lefties I know will eventually concede to some situation where they think it’s right to force someone to carry a child against their will as if that’s not one of the most inhumane and cruel situations to put someone in regardless of any other factors

if cis people are so great then why don’t they have a siberian orchestra 

Thats the context for this meme???

I feel like I've been robbed the whole time. This is magical.

I'm dying

it's pretty cool that I can plug in a picture of a plant and ask chatgpt what it is and get a pretty reliable answer back. the neighbors to the south have a tree that dips into my yard and it's growing some kind of fruit that I discovered are most likely walnuts. neat!

ur gonna lose your shit when you find out about iNaturalist then

I cannot emphasize enough how much you should not eat something based on chatGPT telling you that it is safe to eat.

I'm gonna

yeah, we had a walnut tree in my back yard when i was a kid, and i was a little surprised to discover that walnuts are green things a little too small to be a tennis ball, and then later the green stuff falls off and you have a nut.

He is turning 17 this year!

I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby

English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking shit about the neighbor's son

every time i remember that photo of the little inuk girl with her puppy i engage in inconsolable hysterics

Comfy even

so what you're gonna do is you're gonna trim the top off a bulb of garlic, using the knife's edge to take off the tip of every individual clove, that's important. you're gonna place the garlic face-up in a square of tinfoil, drizzle with olive oil, wrap completely in foil, place in baking tray, repeat with a copious amount of garlic bulbs. you're gonna put that baking tray in an oven set to 375-400°F, for 30-50 minutes, until soft and browned. you're gonna toast some good bread, slather generously with butter and honey, maybe a tiny lil bit o' salt. and then. you're gonna SQUEEZE. OUT. THAT. ROASTED GARLIC. onto the butter honey toast. and you're gonna eat it. food stolen directly from the plate of the gods. that's what you're gonna do.