The Fun of being an astronaut

At 14, I told my guidance counselor that I didn’t want kids. He chuckled, patted me on the back, and informed me that when I got a little older, and I was with a guy, I would change my mind.

At 16, my grandmother nearly had a heart attack because of her three granddaughters, myself and the youngest agreed we didn’t want to uave babies. Ever.

At 17, my father asked about my life plan. I told him: graduate high school, get my college degree, do some traveling and writing, go for this particular job I wanted, retired around X age, take month-long vacations to places I wanted to spend time in, etc. He asked, “What about a husband? Children? Normal things a girl is supposed to think about?” My response- a husband if a man came along that could share an adventure with me, kids were a No Go. He assured me I would ‘grow up’ qnd change my mind.

At 19, I shocked my former babysitter who had known me since I was a toddler, when I confirmed the rumour she’d heard that I didn’t want kids. She patted my mom’s arm and reassured her in a sweet voice that, “Don’t worry, girls say a lot of silly things before they meet the right fella, and wise up. She’ll give you grand babies”

At 22, I was talking to a college professor who chuckled at my making a comment about how, “thank goodness I’m never going to have to worry about juggling child rearing eith marriage, work, and life”, then she realized I was serious. She asked if I was alright, thinking I could-not (not didn’t-want) kids. I told her the truth, could have but didn’t want to. She was aghast, then told me that I’d change my mind when my husband wanted some kids.

Well, I’m over 30, still have absolutely no desire to give birth, adopt, raise, or have much of anything to do with children. I don’t hate children, I don’t think people who have them are crazy (more power to you, to create and/or care for another person), and I don’t think it’s impossible to have a life AND have children. I recognized at an early age that I don’t have that biological imperative to procreate, I don’t have the patience to deal with children (something that has shown very little improvement as I’ve gotten older, in fact it might be getting worse), and I don’t feel my life is incomplete without creating another life- I am good with living my own and doing my best to enrich the lives of those I care about (I try my best to be a good friend, to be a good sister, good daughter, good pet-owner, and a good person in general).

So please, please stop telling girls (or really kids at all, but especially girls) that they will change their minds. Please don’t tell them that meeting ‘the right guy’ will make them suddenly feel broody, that their potential future husband’s desire to have children will make her reconsider and see things his way. For one, a couple should have had that conversation and decided if it was a deal breaker, LONG before they got hitched. For another, it’s her body that gets to grow and birth another human being- her husband’s desire to be a father doesn’t supercede her autonomy.

Please, let girls make their own choices? Girls are forced to mature too fast as it is and are bombarded from all sides with SHOULD (you SHOULD be a size 2, you SHOULD wear this dress, you SHOULD have a boyfriend to be a normal teen, you SHOULD always smile), they don’t need another judgement from someone who hasn’t walked a mile in their particular shoes. Respect teenage girls and their ability to look at the world, themselves, their situation, and their future, and make an important choice.

*gets off soap box, slides it back under the sofa, lets out a sigh*

1. Trans girls. Constantly being told that having biological children is part of the identity of being a woman is horrible for girls that are biologically unable to have kids.

2. Ace teens. My ace friend is constantly being told by her parents how much they want grandkids, her s3x repulsed self feels guilty about it. GUILTY! It is unfair that being told you’ll someday meet the right person and want kids is making people feel guilt over uncontrollable factors in their lives

3. WLW teens. The idea of having your own biological baby being the end goal in relationships can hurt young adults in wlw relationships so badly.

4. Cis women and teens unable to have biological children. It can make them hate their bodies because they aren’t able to fufill the cultural goal that has hurt society for so long

So I decided not to have kids.

It was an extremely difficult choice for me. I’ve always wanted, so badly, to have kids. Deciding not to for a range of compelling reasons was extremely hard for me. After I got over the grief of the decision, I realised I actually felt an enormous sense of relief. Relief that whatever is coming down the pipeline in terms of global warming effects, war, financial crisis, etc…. my children aren’t going to have to face it. I cried again – from relief, this time – when I realised that.

Now, I was in my late 20s when I decided this. Really, I’d known since early/mid 20s that I wouldn’t have kids, but I spent nearly a decade trying not to think about it because it upset me, so it was in my late 20s when I Officially Decided and started mentioning it when it came up in conversation.

Late 20s. And never once has anyone taken me at my word. Every single time its come up, people have told me “you’ll change your mind,” or “psh, of course you’ll have kids,” and “oh hon, just wait till the maternal instincts kick in” and “you should save your eggs now for when you change your mind later” or “oh youre FAR too young to know that you dont want kids,” as though some of the people I went to school with dont already have ten year old children of their own. Im 32 now, and I still get the same responses whenever the topic comes up.

And the thing is…. I already changed my mind. I wanted kids, and I’ve been clucky for as long as I can remember. Deciding not to have them made me cry. It was a decision I spent literally a decade thinking about, and I was nearly 30 before I started telling people. So, very much NOT a “young girl.”

And yet everyone from family members to colleagues who barely know me feel that they know more about my decision than I do. They “know” that I’ll change my mind, even though they dont know that I already have. They “know” that I’ll regret not having them, despite not knowing about the relief I feel at the thought that my kids aren’t gonna have to face the world ten, fifteen, twenty, thirty years from now. They “know” that I’ll get clucky “one day,” as though I havent been clucky since I was 14.

So, yeah. Sometimes young girls will grow up and change their minds about having kids. Sometimes they’ll start off wanting them, and then grow up and decide not to have them.

And people will still feel that they have the right to tell you that you’re just a little girl who doesn’t know anything about herself, and will change your mind once you’re older.

Old hag by *veprikov

Until, of course, they showed it to a traditional leatherworker and she took one look at it and said “Oh yeah sure that’s a leather burnisher, you use it to close the pores of leather and work oil into the hide to make it waterproof. Mine looks just the same.” 

“Wait you’re still using the exact same fucking thing 50,000 years later???”

“Well, yeah. We’ve tried other things. Metal scratches up and damages the hide. Wood splinters and wears out. Bone lasts forever and gives the best polish. There are new, cheaper plastic ones, but they crack and break after a couple years. A bone polisher is nearly indestructible, and only gets better with age. The more you use a bone polisher the better it works.”

It’s just. 

So ancient Roman statues have some really weird hairstyles. Archaeologists just couldn’t figure them out. They didn’t have hairspray or modern hair bands, or elastic at all, but some of these things defied gravity better than Marge Simpson’s beehive.

Eventually they decided, wigs. Must be wigs. Or maybe hats. Definitely not real hair.

A hairdresser comes a long, looks at a few and is like, “Yeah, they’re sewn.”

“Don’t be silly!” the archaeologists cry. “How foolish, sewn hair indeed! LOL!”

So she went away and recreated them on real people using a needle and thread and the mystery of Roman hairstyles was solved.

A person of color learning English in the United States is a person looking to be treated like a human being.

can I please just once in my life be able to watch a movie that isn't targeted for kids without having to get through a sex scene?? please??