Cliffs of Memory

you will feel like a dumdum at first, but once you get used to it youll realize that telling people what kind of thing you're about to say ahead of time flattens their anxiety a huge amount

ive been starting every question with "question:" for awhile now and i almost never get people reading too much into what i mean anymore

it seems super dumb, but "what are your plans tomorrow?" gets people asking me what i have planned despite me obviously being in the process of figuring that out, whereas "question: what are your plans tomorrow?" gets me a quick rundown of their schedule, followed by "why?"

it also makes it really easy to work tone indicators into your verbal speech. if you're always saying "question: [your question here]?" then no one blinks when you say "genuine question: [question that could read as sarcastic]?"

it also gets you out of your own way for any types of things you struggle to say. "can you make sure to do the dishes before you go to bed?" feels like an argument waiting to happen, but "request: can you make sure to do the dishes before you go to bed?" gets the words flowing on a neutral word while making it clear that you're not looking for a fight

Or "Just checking if I need to, have you done the dishes today"

Or "please do the dishes, Im not upset I just need a plate".

Being clear about your intentions this way also heads off RSD or trauma-type anxiety, guilt, frustration, demand-avoidance, fear, etc.

Another phrasing useful for when you are emotional is "Im definitely frustrated, but Im not frustrated at you because I know you're doing your best."

This is how my corgi rides the NYC subway. 

fried oysters, cream pies, martinis, Manhattans, champagne— then separating for solitary gym-work on treadmill, NordicTrack, grateful for baggy sweater weather,

pinching fingerfuls of waist and whining. Mid-January your best dress pants’ button pops off like a plastic meteorite, and then you lay down the law— no alcohol on weekdays,

no dairy products, no second helpings, no desserts. Barbed-wire disciplines, the cattle chawing dry straw and staring at verboten emerald lawns. God knows

neither of us can afford a new wardrobe, and these jeans are tight enough. But give me a lover with some surplus, a few handfuls of furry belly I can pat

in the drowse on either side of sleep, stroke as proof of appetite— its depth, variety, the delights its sating inspires. Distance the skeleton, bury it

in flesh. At least once a week, allow my hunger joyful excess: a wedge of Appenzeller cheese Greek olives, split-pea soup

with ham hocks, a few rich bites of marzipan, celebrating these brief days of abundance, our days and nights together. Soon enough, the trash can tipped over

I realize now that it was a book about me dealing with depression before I even knew it. Looking back at how blatant the projecting was, it’s obvious now. It wasn’t then.

In the story, the middle-generation people are lost. They’re apathetic. They’re just a placeholder. The only job they have is to keep the ship running, have kids, and die. As the middle generation of people began becoming adults, suicide rates were skyrocketing. Crime and drug rates were jumping. This generation was completely apathetic because they felt that they had no use.

In the story, a small group of people in the middle-generation create the Weather Project. They turn the ship into a terrarium. They make magnificent gardens and take the DNA of animals they took with them and recreate them and they make this cold, metal spaceship that they have to live their entire lives on into a home. They take what little they have and they break it and rearrange it into something beautiful. They take this radical idea and turn the ship into a wonderful jungle of trees and birds and sunshine.

And I realize now how much it reflects my state of mind as I transitioned from a child into an adult while dealing with depression. You always hear “it gets better” and “when you’re older things will be easier” and I was so sick of waiting for it to get better. I was in the middle-generation stage. And I was sick of it. I was so sick of waiting.

When I was in highschool I didn’t know how to end the story. I didn’t know how to have a happy ending. I didn’t have the life experience then to finish the story in a meaningful way. I didn’t know how to make it better for these middle-generation characters.

But now that I’m older, I’m learning. That if you sit and wait for things to get better, it never will. You have to take your life and break it apart and rearrange it into something beautiful. You have to make the cold metal ship into the garden that you deserve. You have to make your own meaning. You have to plant your own garden.

I’ve had some pretty wild depression the past couple years. I’m finally starting to work through it - with art. This is the first piece I’ve made for myself in around ten years, and… yeah.

the fight against climate change is not “for the future” or “coming up”

no. it is now. for california, for me, for the 37 fucking million of us who live here, it is now. it is now. it is fucking now. there is smoke blanketing my entire city. the other day there was ASH FALLING FROM THE SKY. there are people who are living with red, terrifying smoke, right outside their front doors. i can’t open a window because it all smells like a fucking fire. the sky is entirely grey, because it’s all fucking smoke. my entire fucking STATE is affected by this shit. my STATE.

by the way, california? our population is 71% of England’s. an entire country.

and yes, there are issues other than climate change that have caused this shit, of course. but I’ve grown up through two droughts. I’ve watched the fountains in my town get shut down, I’ve watched them grow dusty and old. I’ve fixed my sprinklers to account for the new water restrictions. I’ve grown up knowing each winter was colder, each summer hotter. I’ve grown up seeing this shit.

every year, we come to fire season, and i hope and watch and desperately wish that it’ll be okay. that thousands of people won’t lose their homes this year. that i won’t have to walk home with a red sun blazing over me and smoke so thick i can’t stop coughing. that I’ll be able to step outside and not smell it. that people won’t lose their towns, their belongings, their livelihoods. every damn year.

my entire state is kindling. my friends outside of cali reach out to me about the fires, telling me they hope I’ll be safe. but i can’t go outside without inhaling lungfuls of smoke. i can’t do anything but watch as hundreds of thousands of acres burn.

2.5 million acres have burned this year. million. 2.5 fucking million acres. 20x what burned last year.

my state is on fire. my city is covered in smoke. a one year old boy DIED because of these fires, and who knows how many will join him by the time this is over.

so yes, please, donate. but i am tired as shit of people pretending that wildfires in california should be normal, that this is okay, that this is just “something that happens” no. no. vote for politicians who support renewable energy. vote for politicians who care about climate change. because, in the grand scheme of things, what we need is restrictions and laws and regulations. one person installing solar panels isn’t going to do shit.

those bottom photos are san francisco. my state is burning.

Dragonborn: You like to be the center of attention and you have a knack for dramatic flair— Or you just really like lizards.

Dwarf: You’re short and you have a lot of pent up anger about it. You’re also the kind of person who adheres to the ten second rule when food hits the ground.

Elf: You’re maybe a little bit pretentious but mainly you like the idea of fucking off to the woods and never having to deal with idiots again. Also you are probably gay.

Gnome: You are the manic pixie dream girl and/or you are a bastard without limits. You might have picked the class as a joke but now you would never pick anything else.

Half-Elf: You’re a really friendly person but you’re too shy to initiate conversation so you just let people come to you first and then someone mentions one (1) thing you’re into and you implode.

Halfling: You really are just Motherfucker Unlimited, huh? You like to cause chaos and you will probably kill at least one NPC unprompted.

Half-Orc: Either you are a woman and you are a lesbian or you are a man and you drink your respect women juice either way you have a thing for big arms.

Goliath: Your favorite character in any movie, show, or book, is the gentle giant. You are desperate for love and affection from your friends but too shy to admit it.

Genasi: Kind of depends on the element, but generally you either are an extrovert or would be if you had just a little more self confidence.

Aasimar: You either play this character straight and you are a perfect cinnamon roll or you play the “fallen angel” and you are an absolute edgelord, no in between.

Aarakocra: You are either a furry or you just can’t stand the idea of someone having the same character as you so you picked the one you’ve never heard of before. Also flight. The fact you can fly was a big deal.

Human: You like to keep your options open and you don’t like the idea of anything being handed to you. You’re a hard worker but also you have commitment issues.