CAT IN THE SOCK

nice outfit dude LOL. legolas called. apparently they're taking the hobbits somewhere really crazy

aint it crazy how everyone is famous nowadays and yet I dont know who anyone is. there are countless people that will have more followers on instagram than the population of Sacramento and no one I know irl has ever heard of them

today i just (remembers to maintain privacy online) did something really cool. you have to trust me

the other day all my coworkers were talking about the various wack diets they're on and I went "nahhhh I'm on the Seafood Diet" and the lady next to me goes "oh, what's that?" and i was so shocked by actually getting a chance to deliver the punchline on that ancient gag that i barely even remembered to say it

"kill self" at the bottom of an otherwise long and healthy to-do list

Is there a reason carrots are so juicy and crunchy and perfect

if castiel were a vegetable 🥕

Okay

new mychart message! aw damn....doc says my reality and existence lab work was wayyy off so she's referring me to an Ontologist