Parabola of Mystery

I go outside regularly

no you don't

okay fine I go outside weirdly

one time we were listening to fleetwood mac in the car and my sister who was probably 4 at the time asked, without being prompted, “can girls marry girls?” and THAT is the power of stevie nicks

Spent about ten minutes yesterday searching through my backpack for the heavy object that was making it heavy but eventually I had to accept that a bag which only contains light objects can be heavy, throuvh the process of addition. It feels unjust to me. I have the same problem with purchases. It feels wrong to me that buying ten cheap things is expensive

At the local hamburger shop and they said yelled out “order 167!” And three middle school age kids yelled in perfect unison “ 6 7!” Life is sometimes so beautiful

If you reference 67 you deserve to be executed on the spot tbh

If I was king for a day the first thing I would do would be to sentence you to a life full of love and understanding.

years ago during a D&D game we rolled a set of stupid ass Sexy Dice for laughs and to this day i think everyone who was there still says the incredible sentence that one roll produced, “she whip excited on it”

thinking about when i mentioned tom and jerry by title alone to my 65 year old father and his only response was to laugh REALLY hard and say "him and that fucking mouse.." while staring into the distance. and then the conversation was over

i love my misandrist mother i asked her one time if she liked lord of the rings and she said “i’m tired of men going on adventures”

such insolence... guards? seize her! ...no. stop. not like that. you are doing it gay. why are you seizing her gay style

*trying to pitch public transportation to Americans* it’s like a legal form of texting while driving

this is hands down my single favorite post ive ever made that got notes

I sincerely hope that the OP realizes that gramma was very likely quoting that cartoon.

the cartoon that was drawn and posted based on my post? probably not, but i guess we can never know

the human brain is so cool, if you're tired and stressed enough, your brain will go, "don't worry, I got you" and shadows will start moving

and what's the genital situation on the shadows

oh this is my post

everyone say green