Parabola of Mystery

there's a new york pigeon teaching warlocks how to cast spells

Yesterday, I was at dinner with some friends and briefly forgot Harrison Ford’s name, but I was like, “His name is a president and a car,” which is how we got such acceptable alternatives as McKinley Camry, Van Buren Gremlin, Clinton Infinity, and Range Rover Cleveland.

Lincoln Lincoln

stop using chatgpt!!!! take a bronze pin and carve your questions onto an ox scapula, then toss it into the fire!!!! use the cracks to divine the gods answer!!!!

citations still have to be APA 7th edition though. if you plagiarise, the gods will flood the yellow river again. and you'll lose your academic standing.

(The Gods, personal communication, July 18, 2024)

Let the historical record show that Mr. Beast was entirely ignorable if you were just like doing literally anything else. I've been on youtube as long as it's been around and I've never been recommended a video by him. I see him in passing as a meme. I thought he was a made up joke, a caricature of bad youtuber content miners until someone I trust confirmed his existence to me in late 2025.

Ate one year old fish yesterday and strangely feel bad today.

Well it can't be the fish, that was yesterday

Mad scientists will be like "I know a place" and then strap you onto the autopsy table

only an autopsy if you're dead... please use the proper name for my vivisection table

Lonely Mad Scientists are in your area! Click here for a chance to be strapped to a table and choose from our exclusive selection of various vivisections and torture methods!!

yippeeeeee!

baseball players in the 20s were all named shit like Dipsy Doodle and Crunch Johnson

#they named them like cats in a shelter

I love vague labels that make people go "but that's confusing" or "but that could mean anything" Good. Keep guessing lol

"Queer doesn't actually tell me anything" who says I wanted to tell you anything. Who even are you.

sorry i came back wrong do you still wanna hit it

does anyone have the faggot crisis in the grocery store tweet i need it for my health and wellness