the gentleman's deadbeat dad

the second 'o' in "zoologist" is putting in heavy duty work. girl is working two jobs

when my friend found out her boyfriend of three years was cheating on her she went through his phone, took pictures of every interaction he had with another girl, printed them out, wrote down where she had been at every instance and what lies he had told her about where he would be, and put them in a folder. when she confronted him and he denied everything she pulled out this big ass folder and just said “lets review” and Honestly, that is the most iconic thing anyone has ever done.

talking like point-and-click game narration to the bugs in my room

you can't get out that way!

that's not very helpful.

maybe the open window will help.

try the open window instead.

Those sick fucks at Ocean Spray will mix anything with a cranberry

me when I see a cat if I’m being honest

not a caller not a texter but a secret third thing

don’t contact me. ever

Oh to be eleven years old and finding a life-changing obscure paperback in the library

The last of the classically trained tumblrinas