the gentleman's deadbeat dad

blast my stupid baja life

I bet those memes about HR firing you for smiling at a woman go hard as fuck for men who have not yet had experience with employment though

I WAS BORN YESTERDAY. I JUST BLEW IN FROM STUPID TOWN. THIS IS MY FIRST RODEO. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME.

has anyone figured out how to turn off the thing where you love your pet so much it slides inexorably into grief-borrowing

i spot a plus size honey across the bar and start to chat her up until her bisexual boyfriend with a magic the gathering tattoo comes over and starts yelling at me so i turn him sideways so he can't make another action until his next turn

i will destroy Alex.

I dont really register teddy bears as toy depictions of bears. They are just some other creature named after bears like koala bears and water bears.

Talking about groups of animals and their group names ‘parliament of owls’ etc. Mentioned that it’s called a ‘blessing of unicorns’ and my dad misheard me and was like ‘a legacy of worms?’ I’m like you know what sure 🪱 that’s what a group of worms is called now

Horror director: What if there was a woman I *didn’t* want to have sex with. Wouldn’t that be the scariest fucking thing

whether or not men benefit from feminism has no bearing on whether feminism is worthwhile

*looks up at night sky* *sees more stars than usual* *mood immediately lifts by 93%*