the gentleman's deadbeat dad

as a feminist i support recreational abortion

i have mixed feelings about competitive

beautiful day to think about what you had and can no longer have

my family fucked up my life by using spoonerisms interchangeably with their true phrase counterparts since before i was born and now i can’t escape from instinctively saying shit like “im gonna shake a tower”

must feel so good to be soil absorbing rain

i havent done anything or been anyone ever

you solve the mystery of what to have for dinner one night and you think "hell yeah case closed forever" WRONG there is a dinner mystery the next night too

this fetish stuff is getting out of hand what the fuck is word play

i can handle one (1) Event™ per day. whether it be a phone call, an appointment, trip to the grocery store, play date with a friend, etc. only one, that's it. any more than that and i am Stressed

I feel like not enough people realize that people under enormous strain act really really fucking Weird

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?